The UN and the Falklands

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Capetonian

The UN and the Falklands

#1 Post by Capetonian » Wed Mar 30, 2016 7:23 am

Who doesn't know what they're talking about?

The UN or the Independent? Same newspaper, same day,

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500N
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Re: The UN and the Falklands

#2 Post by 500N » Wed Mar 30, 2016 7:25 am

Yes, well, the UN didn't rule on anything if you look at the list.

And no one takes any bloody notice of the UN anyway and Britain is not going to hand them over
so the Argies can "tug" all they like, they are only going to create a lather !

Sisemen

Re: The UN and the Falklands

#3 Post by Sisemen » Wed Mar 30, 2016 9:16 am

From the Daily Mirror.

Dear Argentina - bugger off, the Falklands are OURS

Last time you visited you left 19,000 landmines and it didn't convince us you'd be a good landlord, Now look. You've been whining about this since 1767 and it's starting to get on our wick.

Seven years ago you made an application to the United Nations to officially extend your territory 200 miles to boost your claim to the Falkland Islands. I say Falkland Islands rather than Malvinas, which is what you like to call them, because that is what the 2,932 people who live there call it. Anyway, you asked the UN to agree your landmass should include a big bubble that coincidentally contains the oil-rich area around the Falklands.This is despite the fact the 1982 UN Convention on the Law of the Sea says territorial waters extend a mere 12 nautical miles from any coast. And it's despite the fact in a 2013 referendum 99.8% of Falklanders said they didn't want you back. The UN has agreed your continental shelf - that bit of land which extends hundreds of miles underwater - does indeed go that far. However, it also agrees the Falklanders have a right to self-determination, that they've picked Britain, and that we've a right to control the waters around them for, er, 200 nautical miles. Just to make the whole business totally pointless, the UN also says it is "not in a position to consider" anything subject to dispute. This hasn't stopped you celebrating, as continental shelves give nations rights to drill for oil and you need it due to massive inflation and a 15-year financial embargo and legal battle with your foreign creditors.But, I'm afraid, it makes absolutely no difference. You have claimed you were "forcibly stripped" of this jewel in the South Atlantic and "expelled" by British colonialists.Only you weren't, were you? The Falklands were an empty bunch of windy rocks with penguins when they were discovered by a Dutchman in 1600. Ninety years later a British sailor was blown off course and sailed through a bit of water he named Falkland Sound. About 70 years after that the French turned up and formed a colony. The British arrived two years later and settled a different island, completely unaware the French were already in residence. A year after that the French sold out to the Spaniards and then they picked a fight with the Brits, kicked us out and after a peace treaty let us back in. In 1774, overstretched by the American War of Independence, we withdrew and left a plaque asserting our claim. Three decades after that the Spaniards left too, leaving another plaque, and the last settlers departed in 1811. All that remained was a bunch of windy rocks, some penguins, and two plaques. Then in 1820 an American pirate called David Jewett took shelter there, realised the place was empty and promptly claimed the islands for a union of South American provinces which later became Argentina. You didn't realise for a year, and when you did you STILL didn't settle the islands. Instead a German who pretended to be French called Louis Vernet came along, asked the Argentines and Brits politely if they minded, and formed his own settlement. You named him governor and gave him the right to kill all the local seals, but at the same time Vernet asked the British for military protection. In 1831 Vernet sparked an international incident when he seized some American seal ships he thought were trespassing. In response the Yanks blew up his settlement and tried some survivors for piracy. You responded by sending your own governor to turn the Falklands into a penal colony, but he was killed in a mutiny the day he arrived and that was the end of that. The British, quite reasonably, decided the whole thing was a dog's breakfast. They turned up two months after the mutiny and sent a note to the man in charge of the small Argentine garrison which remained. It read: "It is my intention tomorrow to hoist the national flag of Great Britain on shore when I request you will be pleased to haul down your flag on shore and withdraw your force, taking all stores belonging to your Government." It was possibly the politest invasion of all time.The Argentine in charge of the garrison agreed, because the few soldiers he had were mostly British mercenaries anyway and they refused to fight. So on January 3, 1833, having never managed to run the place for 24 hours straight, sent no colonists, and not bothered with a military force of your own, Argentina "left" the islands it never really bothered to go to.The log of an Argentine ship present at the time says 22 settlers remained - 12 Argentines, four Uruguay Indians, two Brits, as many Germans, a Frenchman and a Jamaican.Charles Darwin's ship popped in a few months later and found the place lawless so in 1834 the British sent Lieutenant Henry Smith to run things properly. The islands have been ours ever since, populated by peaceful settlers from Britain, France, Scandinavia, Gibraltar, St Helena and Chile. While we were doing that, Argentina, you went on to fight bloody wars with most of South America, slaughtering the indigenous populations and not being polite at all. Then in the 1980s, with your government broke and facing strong opposition, you diverted voters' attention with a pointless invasion which cost 907 lives.

So allow me to make a few things clear.

1. The history of these windy rocks is a mess but somebody had to take charge, and you clearly weren't up to the job. We did pretty well considering our record in other places.

2. Only colonial scumbags refuse to listen to the democratic voice of the people who live somewhere, so why don't you wind your hypocritical warmongering necks in?

3. Well done with the wine, and the beef's pretty good, but if you want the moral high ground you'll need to hand Patagonia back to its people and apologise to everyone for giving us Total Wipeout.

Lastly, Argentina, you are more than welcome to holiday on the Falklands and pitch a tent anywhere in the 13 square kilometres where you left 19,000 landmines last time you visited.

We know they're a long way away. We know it's just rocks, a few thousand people, and quite a lot of oil.

But we also know something you don't seem to, which is that a well-run, law-abiding and happy bunch of rocks is the best bunch of rocks you can hope to have.

You are no more interested or capable of that now than you have ever been.

In case our position is not clear, it can be summed up as: Bugger off, Argentina.

Yours sincerely,

Blighty

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Re: The UN and the Falklands

#4 Post by Dirk » Thu Mar 31, 2016 9:47 pm

Thats the funniest bollox I've read in ages, thanks for sharing

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Re: The UN and the Falklands

#5 Post by 500N » Thu Mar 31, 2016 9:50 pm

What makes me laugh is with China's "expansion" in the South China Sea and countries and the UN
getting all uppity about it, the UN had better be careful over what it does because China will turn
around and say "apply the same rulings to us".

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