Only in Effrika

[Ex-Ascot]

This is Africa

Here are some signs that you won´t find anywhere else in the world except in Africa.

In a restaurant in Zambia: "Open seven days a week and weekends."

On the grounds of a private school in South Africa: "No trespassing without permission."

On a window of a Nigerian shop: "Why go elsewhere to be cheated when you can come here?"

On a poster in Ghana: "Are you an adult who cannot read? If so, we can help."

In a hotel in Mozambique: "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9.00 am and 11.00am daily."

On a river in the Democratic Republic of Congo: "Take note: When this sign is submerged, the river is impassable."

In a Zimbabwean restaurant: "Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager."

A sign seen on a hand dryer in a Lesotho public toilet: "Risk of electric shock - Do not activate with wet hands."

In a Botswana jewellery shop: "Ears pierced while you wait."

On one of the buildings of a Sierra Leonne hospital: "Mental Health Prevention Centre."

In a maternity ward of a clinic in Tanzania: "No children allowed!"

In a cemetery in Uganda: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.

In a Malawi hotel: "It is forbidden to steal towels, please. If you are not a person to do such a thing, please don´t read this notice."

A sign posted in an Algerian tourist camping park: "It is strictly forbidden on our camping site that people of different sex, for instance a man and woman, live together in one tent unless they are married to each other for that purpose."

In a Namibian nightclub: "Ladies are not allowed to have children in the bar."

In a photo studio in Chitungwiza (Zimbabwe): "Photos taken while you wait"

[Ex-Ascot]

Easter Fridge Delivery

I haven't got the energy to post this in full. Call from shop, leaving in 20 mins. 2 hrs later another call just leaving. told to stop on main road at 36 km from Maun marker and call again. They are every km. They have been here before and know that it is a 2 km bush track through deep sand. Get call, drive to road no truck. Phone him he is 2 km away at about the 38 km marker. Get him to drive back. It is an enormous truck. It wouldn't even fit down the track let alone make it. He starts to unload it. I said no delivery to house. It is a big fridge only him and a child. He claims he can lift it on his own. He says he will send for the smaller truck only 15 mins. It is 30 mins to their shop and he wanted me to wait. Went home. Call to say they are there. Drove back no vehicles at all. They were in the village. He was worried that his man with the small truck wouldn't see his massive truck at the side of the road. There is nothing at the side of this two lane road for 100s of miles. Made them drive back. Small truck is not 4x4. He said it would be OK. I drove him to our house to prove that it would not be. Got back to main road and he said he would would try it and if he got stuck I would pull him out. I said no. He asked what do do then. Sent him back to the shop with our fridge in the pouring rain with our fridge on the back in the open. There was some plastic on it but not sure how much. That is the short version. Needless to say white man boss away.

[OFSO]

A friend has been involved for many weeks in renovating a fair sized service vessel which is now about to set sail from Europe to Nigeria where it will be put to use offshore . The bulwarks and all areas of the vessel accessable from small boats at sea level are festooned with firmly secured razor wire, coil after coil. Miles of it. Such are the 'pleasures' of transiting African waters.

[OFSO]

We were sitting on Tuesday in the assisted travel area of LHR waiting for a wheel chair for Mrs OFSO. Opposite us sat a couple from Africa, one almost definitely a woman, the other possibly a woman, both huge, both many layers of clothing. The woman had a bag containing more full bottles and liquid vials than I've ever seen on a traveller, and the young Muslim lady, headscarf ect, responsible for wheelchairs, was trying to explain over and over that she couldn't carry that lot onto the aircraft, to which a varied reply containing excuses was made by the Africans, over and over. Finally Mme's wheel chair arrived and mercifully we were off, leaving them still at it. I remarked to Mme, now we have an idea as to what our friends from Botswana have to put up with.