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In the great days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a South African bush outpost to relieve the retiring Colonel.

After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches, etc.) which protocol decrees, the retiring Colonel said, "You must meet my Adjutant, Captain Williams, he's my right-hand man and is really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless.”

Williams was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a hunchback, one-eyed, toothless, hairless, scabby and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than four feet tall with an unsavoury odour..

"Williams, old man, tell your new CO about yourself."

"Well, sir, I played cricket for Australia, graduated with honours from Sandhurst, won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Australia and Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight boxing division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of...”

At that point, the Colonel interrupted. "Yes, yes, never mind all that, Williams, he can find all that in your file.

Tell him what happened the day you told the Witch Doctor to **** off.