Service japes, cock ups and other silly stuff...

[TheGreenGoblin]

Saving money at the bar- switch epaulettes on some person with deep pockets and short arms when his shirt was unattended, point out in the bar later, to an innocent bystander, that the baron in question is 'going astern' , up goes the thirsty cry and the guy is pinged for a round of drinks. Some mean buggers caught me out several times with that jape.

I am always one to ruin a good joke or story by asking some silly "literal" question but why "baron"? I understand the going astern bit! Why not Captain or Admiral or something like that?

[FD2]

‘Baron’ - rich person - figure of speech, never met any really rich people in the Navy.

[TheGreenGoblin]

‘Baron’ - rich person - figure of speech, never met any really rich people in the Navy.

Thanks for that. I was wondering whether it might have been related to some sartorially confused Baron who had taken to the the sea sometime in the history of the navy.

I should have guessed your answer, 'Uckers', barons, it is all very confusing for a simple Saffer...

[ricardian]

Seen on another forum:

Practice Parade at RAFC Cranwell. Drill Instructor (DI) “turning to the right in column of route – RIGHT TURN”. “By the centre quick march......Left Right left Right – swing your arms gentlemen, swing your arms shoulder high front and rear”.
Front left hand marker (flight Cadet Bloggs(FCB)), plays number 8 for the college first fifteen, hurt his shoulder in practice the night before. “Swing your fxxxing arms gentlemen”. Short pause then “Squad halt! Into line left turn”.
DI marches across the Orange parade square. Hat peak on his nose, pace stick under his arm, quivering with rage, steel studs on each boot biting into the gravel. Marches up to FCB and screams “Mr FCB what the fxck are you doing not swinging your fxcking arms shoulder fxcking high front and fxcking rear on my fxcking parade Sir”.
FCB replies “I’m a little stiff from rugby F/Sgt”.
DI replies “I don’t give a fxck where you come from Sir – swing your fxcking arms shoulder fxcking high on my fxcking parade Sir.

[Pontius Navigator]

In Nav training every instructor, bar one (Rocks and Jock Strappers aside), was an officer. The odd one out was a Sgt AEOp whose job was to teach morse. Unfortnately one of our number was an ex-cpl from Locking and before the lesson would start he would give us a private lesson on connectivity.

He would draw a thick lead pencil line on the morse key from one terminal to the other. As soon as the battery was connected it would short circuit. Eventually the cause was found and the lesson would begin. This was not a one off. Naturally the cause was found quickly, the key cleaned and dah dit dit dah would begin.

Next the line was carefully concealed under chalk desk. Once that was discovered Sparks became even more inventive with the pencil line becoming longed and router more deviously. After a number of lessons the joke wore too thin, unlike the pencil line.

[CharlieOneSix]

HMS Ark Royal, Beira Patrol 1966. In the Wardroom for pre-dinner drinks. Red Sea Rig (short sleeve open neck white shirt, uniform trousers, cummerbund). Gently supping away with my good Squadron mate, the late Bob Warren. A Gannet Observer by the name of Moody approaches, says "Hallo young Bob" and with a downward tug he rips both breast pockets out of Bob's white shirt.

Nonplussed amongst all the laughter, Bob says nothing and leaves the Wardroom, only to return a few minutes later wearing a pristine white shirt. Moody approaches with -"Hallo again young Bob" - and once again he rips the pockets out of Bob's shirt. Bob leaves the Wardoom.....and the whole process was repeated 3 or 4 times until Moody tired of the joke. The joke was on Moody however, as when he returned to his cabin he found 3 or 4 of his own white shirts lying ripped on his bunk. Bob of course had been wearing Moody's shirts after the first one was ripped. Score, Bob -1 shirt ; Moody -3 or 4 shirts.

[Alisoncc]

Not an intentional jape, but God was it funny - afterwards. Newish Flg Off engineering accompanying visiting Sqdn Ldr from HQ in Bahrain for facility inspection of electronics centre at Sharjah. Said centre being run by yours truly. We used to get bottles of cordial issued in order to stay hydrated.

FO asks SL if he would like a cooling drink. Answer in affirmative so FO asks me for a bottle of squash, as it was referred to. I grab a new bottle from cupboard under the bench, give it a bit of a shake and break the seal on the cap as one does. The FO indicates I should pass it to him which I did. He being all enthusiastic and new gives it a really good shake. Lid flies off, and SL covered in sticky cordial. I really felt for the FO poor bugger.

Alison