Friday Jokes

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Fox3WheresMyBanana
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Re: Friday Jokes

#2981 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Wed Jul 10, 2019 10:41 am

The Voyager 1 probe is now over 13 and a half billion miles from Earth. We asked NASA how the comms team cope when it takes over 40 hours to send a signal and get a response.

"No problem. We just picked engineers with teenage children"

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Re: Friday Jokes

#2982 Post by ribrash » Wed Jul 10, 2019 11:04 am

Paddy took an old used dried jam rag to the Antiques Roadshow.
The antiques expert looked at Paddy and said "this is just and old used sanitary towel".
"I know" said Paddy "but what period is it from?".
D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F

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Re: Friday Jokes

#2983 Post by jimtherev » Wed Jul 10, 2019 10:53 pm

ricardian wrote:
Wed Jul 10, 2019 8:26 am
One for Jimtherev:
A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence, a young woman turned to the priest who was sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asked, "Father, you're a man of God, can't you do something about this storm?"
The priest replied, "Sorry, I'm in sales not management."
Hmmmmm, my usual responses is "Sales not Production", but same difference, really.
Never taken up a collection, Hydromet, but on my last rather bumpy trip back over the Atlantic was reminded, by the noises coming behind me, of the parish magazine notice:
"Please take notice that the bowl at the back of the church labelled 'for the sick' is for monetary contributions only"

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Re: Friday Jokes

#2984 Post by ricardian » Thu Jul 11, 2019 9:37 am

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her a good trip. The wife answers: “Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?” The husband laughs and says: “An Italian girl!” The woman said nothing and left. Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: “So, honey, how was the trip?”
“Very good, thank you.”
“And, what happened to my present?”
“Which present?”
“The one I asked for – an Italian girl.”
“Oh, that” she said, "Well, I did what I could but we'll have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl!”
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Re: Friday Jokes

#2985 Post by Slasher » Thu Jul 11, 2019 2:12 pm

b0dc9b84-bdfa-4894-a682-5ee423761b7d.jpg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24m-V2f9-sY

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Re: Friday Jokes

#2986 Post by ricardian » Thu Jul 11, 2019 7:20 pm

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Re: Friday Jokes

#2987 Post by ricardian » Thu Jul 11, 2019 9:24 pm

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Re: Friday Jokes

#2988 Post by llondel » Fri Jul 12, 2019 12:29 am

Of course, that one fails because they usually add the water before they add the fish.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#2989 Post by Alisoncc » Fri Jul 12, 2019 12:39 am

Didn't you notice Llon, the cats wearing scuba gear. :D
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Re: Friday Jokes

#2990 Post by ricardian » Fri Jul 12, 2019 2:10 pm

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Re: Friday Jokes

#2991 Post by ricardian » Fri Jul 12, 2019 11:12 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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Fox3WheresMyBanana
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Re: Friday Jokes

#2992 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Sat Jul 13, 2019 12:30 am

Everyday Life in Rural Oklahoma
Man stopped in Guthrie, OK with powdered radioactive uranium, whiskey, and a rattlesnake on the back seat. As you do. His girlfriend was in the passenger seat riding shotgun, literally.

He was stopped for an out of date license plate, after which the cops discovered the vehicle was stolen.
His girlfriend was illegally in possession of a firearm owing to a former felony conviction.

The rattlesnake and uranium were legal, however.

https://kfor.com/2019/07/10/logan-co-ma ... ky-deluxe/


Pretty inconsiderate of the stolen vehicle's owner not to keep his license plate up to date.

..and now the Okie cops have a nuke..

..and whiskey.
What could possibly go wrong?

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Re: Friday Jokes

#2993 Post by Slasher » Sat Jul 13, 2019 1:42 am

63552637-345a-4b99-84b0-3fee12222eb3.jpg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24m-V2f9-sY

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Re: Friday Jokes

#2994 Post by Slasher » Sat Jul 13, 2019 6:47 am

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24m-V2f9-sY

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Re: Friday Jokes

#2995 Post by Boac » Sat Jul 13, 2019 7:10 am

What can you say?
NHS.png
it does work, after all.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#2996 Post by Slasher » Sat Jul 13, 2019 7:13 am

Boac wrote:
Sat Jul 13, 2019 7:10 am
What can you say?
Dunno Boac as I'm not into the Greek thing. Looks biologically sound advice though.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24m-V2f9-sY

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Re: Friday Jokes

#2997 Post by Boac » Sat Jul 13, 2019 9:03 am

Slasher wrote:I'm not into the Greek thing
- phew! That's one concern about your porn addiction we can cross off the list - at the moment, anyway. :))

PS I think the Greeks only did it with boys, but never mind. All good news.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#2998 Post by ribrash » Sat Jul 13, 2019 10:23 am

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Re: Friday Jokes

#2999 Post by ricardian » Sat Jul 13, 2019 4:15 pm

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Re: Friday Jokes

#3000 Post by ricardian » Sat Jul 13, 2019 5:42 pm

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