Friday Jokes

[ricardian]

English can be weird, though it can be understood through tough, thorough thought

[Woody]

[Karearea]

^

[jimtherev]

^

me too!

[unifoxos]

Post 10981 above is best considered with coffee and a doughnut, in case it ploughs a furrow in your mind. But don't try and drink the coffee and eat the doughnut at the same time as it might make you cough.

[ricardian]

Two ladies were gossiping:
First lady: "What's the worst thing your husband's said to you while you were having sex?"
Second lady: "Hi darling, I'm home!"

[Woody]

[ricardian]

My friend was parked outside an Aldi waiting for his wife to finish shopping. He was watching a woman who couldn't remember where she parked. Every time she held her remote in the air, he honked his horn.

[jimtherev]

My friend was parked outside an Aldi waiting for his wife to finish shopping. He was watching a woman who couldn't remember where she parked. Every time she held her remote in the air, he honked his horn.

Can't wait to try that...

[Hydromet]

One for Jim.

A Rabbi, an Anglican minister and a Roman Catholic priest found themselves chatting, and talk turned to their career prospects. They asked the RC what the highest position he could aspire to was, and he replied that in theory, he could become Pope, but in reality, the best he could hope for, if all went well, was to be a Cardinal, possibly President of the Bishops Council of England & Wales. They asked the Rabbi, and he replied that he could become Chief Rabbi of the United Hebrew Congregations, but that would need a lot of luck. He aske the Anglican what was the highest position he could reach. He answered that if he kept his nose clean and played the politics right, he could become Archbishop of Canterbury, but was more likely to end up as a bishop with a remote diocese. "You mean you could never become God?" asked the Rabbi. The Anglican was astounded. "How could any man become God? It's not possible.", he stated.

"Why not?" asked the Rabbi, "One of our boys made it."

[JimR]

My friend was parked outside an Aldi waiting for his wife to finish shopping. He was watching a woman who couldn't remember where she parked. Every time she held her remote in the air, he honked his horn.

Can't wait to try that...

That's very discouraging Jim, obviously nobody is safe from that devil chap!

Jim

[EA01]

Love it Hydro!!!

[jimtherev]

One for Jim.

A Rabbi, an Anglican minister and a Roman Catholic priest found themselves chatting, and talk turned to their career prospects. They asked the RC what the highest position he could aspire to was, and he replied that in theory, he could become Pope, but in reality, the best he could hope for, if all went well, was to be a Cardinal, possibly President of the Bishops Council of England & Wales. They asked the Rabbi, and he replied that he could become Chief Rabbi of the United Hebrew Congregations, but that would need a lot of luck. He aske the Anglican what was the highest position he could reach. He answered that if he kept his nose clean and played the politics right, he could become Archbishop of Canterbury, but was more likely to end up as a bishop with a remote diocese. "You mean you could never become God?" asked the Rabbi. The Anglican was astounded. "How could any man become God? It's not possible.", he stated.

"Why not?" asked the Rabbi, "One of our boys made it."

Quite.

Hymie was distraught. He concluded that the only thing left was to tell The Lord about all his troubles.

"Father" he prayed "Rachel and I were determined to give out little Jacob the best ever chance in life. Harrow and Oxford, for a law degree. But that wasn't good enough. He wondered if he wanted to be a famous surgeon, so we paid the fees for seven years at Guys Hospital University Trust. He's now a qualified surgeon, but is now spending his life happily driving an Underground train on the Northern Line.
"Rachel and I are in despair. What shall we do?"

There was a long pause, then a low, sad voice:

"I had a son, too... "

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

The ever-smarter donkey


1. Works out it can jump fence
2. Works out lowest place to jump fence
3. Works out it can remove fence
4. Waits for others to solve problem and walks out.

[ricardian]

Teacher: Give me a sentence using the words defence, defeat and detail.

Student: When a horse jumps over defence, defeat goes before detail.

[Hydromet]

Wasn't sure whether to put this here or the Sick Bay thread.

My body just rolls its eyes and says "You're going to make a fool of yourself again, aren't you."

[probes]

[ricardian]

What could possibly go wrong?

[llondel]

I bet he had fun taking that for a spin.

[Hydromet]

It's a real head-turner.