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Re: Friday Jokes
Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2015 1:16 pm
by Airborne Aircrew
Re: Friday Jokes
Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2015 5:56 pm
by CharlieOneSix
Reminds me of someone but I can't think who......
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Re: Friday Jokes
Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2015 1:34 am
by david1300
Re: Friday Jokes
Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2015 12:05 pm
by Airborne Aircrew
Re: Friday Jokes
Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2015 2:03 pm
by Airborne Aircrew
Re: Friday Jokes
Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2015 5:58 pm
by A Lutra Continua
Airborne Aircrew wrote:
It would be funny if it wasn't so bloody sad. It's not enough the bastards are stealing taxpayers' money, even the funds that get to where they're meant to go are an utter waste...
Re: Friday Jokes
Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2015 7:27 am
by unifoxos
Maybe the word SOLDIERS shoud be in quotes.
Re: Friday Jokes
Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2015 9:14 am
by probes
Re: Friday Jokes
Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2015 2:08 am
by Stoneboat
Re: Friday Jokes
Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2015 2:24 am
by Stoneboat
Re: Friday Jokes
Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2015 2:53 pm
by Airborne Aircrew
Re: Friday Jokes
Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2015 3:15 pm
by rgbrock1
Re: Friday Jokes
Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2015 3:16 pm
by rgbrock1
Re: Friday Jokes
Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2015 3:16 pm
by rgbrock1
Re: Friday Jokes
Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2015 3:53 pm
by Airborne Aircrew
Re: Friday Jokes
Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2015 10:43 pm
by Woody
yesterday i was at my local tesco store buying a large bag "chappie" dog food, for my loyal pet, and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind asked me if i had a dog,,,what did she think i had,,an elephant!! so since im retired and have little to do, on impulse i told her no, i didnt have a dog, i was starting "the dog diet again",,,,,,,
i added that i probably shouldnt, because i finished up in hospital last time, but i,d lost 10 kilograms before i woke up in intensive care with tubes coming from most of my orifices and iv,s in both arms.
i told her i her it was essentially a perfect diet, and the way that it works is to load your pockets with "chappie" nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. the food is nutritionally complete so it works well and was going to try it again,,, [i have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was now enthralled with my story]
horrified , she asked me if i ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me, i told her no,,,,
,,,i stepped off the kerb to sniff an irish setter,s ass, and a car hit me:)
i thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard
i am now banned from tesco,s
Re: Friday Jokes
Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2015 10:49 pm
by 500N
Woody
Thank you, that was very good
Re: Friday Jokes
Posted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 1:59 am
by Stoneboat
Re: Friday Jokes
Posted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 2:20 am
by Stoneboat
Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear.
Re: Friday Jokes
Posted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 3:53 pm
by CharlieOneSix
Father John's Bath Night
It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and the young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.
The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.
'Oh, sister,' said the young nun dreamily, 'I've been saved.'
'Saved? And how did that come about?' asked the old nun.
'Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven.'
'Did he now?' said the old nun evenly.
Sister Magdalene continued, 'and Father John said that if the Key to Heaven fitted my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock.'
'Is that a fact?' said the old nun even more evenly.
'At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved.'
'That wicked old bastard, said the old nun. 'He told me it was Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for 40 years!