The really boring and totally pointless snippets thread II

[admin]

The really boring and totally pointless snippets thread II

Enjoy

[Mrs Ex-Ascot]

Just realised that with eleccy I can use the eleccy mixer. Old plastic dish has a hairline crack in it. Water got into the inards resulting in smoke and fumes. Finished the mixing with hand held mixer. Old mixer in sun drying out.

[Ibbie]

How did we get here?

Is this move in line with the rise in rail fares in the U.K.?

Is the Ordsal Chord open?

Next news Ken Dodd will get a knighthood

[limeygal]

Hello playmates Well, that was an exciting evening. Only one tornado as far as I know. Most local damage was cause by gusting winds. Some flooding. We only have a few branches down, nothing much. Off to commit gardening this morning. Probably be very muddy up there. Guessers say foggy conditions abound and chilly weather on the way. I think we've had a bit of everything the last couple of days!! The boys ventured out this morning with much paw shaking. Don't like wet feet apparently

[4mastacker]

Good grief, Part II already. Didn't realise Part I was life-ex.

[Capetonian]

C: Look, matey, I know a dead thread when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

O: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

C: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

O: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

C: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up!

'Ello, Mister Polly thread! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show...(owner hits the cage)

O: There, he moved!

C: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!!

Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes thread out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

C: Now that's what I call a dead thread.

O: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

C: STUNNED?!?

O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

C: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That thread is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

O: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

C: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

O: The Norwegian Blue prefers kippin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

C: Look, I took the liberty of examining that thread when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

O: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

C: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

O: No no! 'E's pining!

C: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This thread is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker!

'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies!
'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig!
'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!

[Rwy in Sight]

Ibbie thanks for the wishes. ExA you are right I am reffering to petrol.

[Wodrick]

Gleetings,
Hazy sun, still cool.
Can't get to see Graciella the Fang Fettler until Thursday, one has developed a gum problem.
One has the same problem with one's monthly pittance, too many Bank Holidays. I think it will be futile but I am going to attempt to discover why in this electronic age debits are instantaneous but credits take days, and why a credit from a broker is a next day service 24/7 but a transfer from my pension provider takes days.

And if I may a short video of Punto the Nearly Dally asking for his dinner. A game he has started in the last week. for full benefit turn up the sound.
[bbvideo=560,315]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kji3UBDegXk[/bbvideo]

Punto is Spanish for spot or point A joke from the bloke who dumped him.

[ian16th]

I think it will be futile but I am going to attempt to discover why in this electronic age debits are instantaneous but credits take days,

In early December, I did an EFT from Barclays Jersey to Standard Bank SA, it came through within the working day.

[Wodrick]

Yeah but, Yeah but, Yeah but, this is Spanish Banks wot are a rule unto themselves, how about 6€ per withdrawal from a non network ATM

[Ibbie]

Mine ain't.
The problem is RBS Guernsey not getting the money to my NatWest UK account.

It's left Guernsey, so is it swimming breast stroke towards Southern England, then going to catch a couple of trains with a station change via the Underground in London?

RBS and NatWest are the same bank and it's beyond two branches to make a same day payment between them.

[handsfree]

Trabb MkII ?
Whatever happened to Trabb MkI ?

Don't worry, spotted it !

[Woody]

Bloody hell , dangerous place ZA, New Years Day we were forced out of the sea at Strand, due to sharks and now Somerset West is under threat from a wild fire I'm drinking as many bottles of Savanna as I can to get rid of the taste of smoke

[lasernigel]

2017. A change is as good as a rest.

One thing I will say about US banks is that when I deposit a cheque from work it is credited there and then. In UK still takes 3 working days. Someone, somewhere is making interest I presume, and it won't be the person who deposited it.

Yeah but, Yeah but, Yeah but, this is Spanish Banks wot are a rule unto themselves, how about 6€ per withdrawal from a non network ATM

$3.75 here if between different banks.

Next news Ken Dodd will get a knighthood

Know this is out of the Sun, but was on my Vet's site page. Johnny Johnson, despite his relentless work for forces charities received...yes you've guessed it. Absolutely SFA.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/2520741/after-honours-for-camerons-cronies-last-dambuster-george-johnny-johnson-is-snubbed-again-in-new-years-honours-list/

Raining here again!

[ian16th]

Bloody hell , dangerous place ZA, New Years Day we were forced out of the sea at Strand, due to sharks and now Somerset West is under threat from a wild fire I'm drinking as many bottles of Savanna as I can to get rid of the taste of smoke

It seems to be getting quite serious down there!

Somerset West Fires

[ExSp33db1rd]

C/Fwd.

Loads more rain here. 38mm last night.

Please send some to me, just measured the water tank - not good.

[Ex-Ascot]

Town day. Just popped into the airport to find out the Cape Town schedule. Got told it lands at 13.05. Not really what I wanted to know. Also no business class. Why? It is a 2hr 35min flight. Don't want to sit with the great unwashed for that time. JNB is only 1hr 30mins and there is business class. Most odd.

[Capetonian]

You are an insufferable snob.
Just like me. I refuse to travel on certain trains because there is no first class.
JNB is primarily a business/high revenue route.

[Ex-Ascot]

Colleague on The Queen's Flight had to go into London just before Christmas for a medical. Being a senior officer he had a First Class warrant. His wife though that this was a great opportunity to do some Christmas shopping. Being a gentleman he did open the door of the second class compartment for her.

[handsfree]

Light rain and +5C.

On this day in 1982 Eric Rowe thrust herself into the limelight at Twickenham.