Write your own Daily Mail aviation incident drama

[ExSp33db1rd]

How would the heroic-to-be cabin attendant know that the aircrew had collapsed, the flight deck door is locked now ?

[Cacophonix]

How would the heroic-to-be cabin attendant know that the aircrew had collapsed, the flight deck door is locked now ?

A real bummer or "Oh my God, we are going to die" conundum solved by the bearded lady who batters the door down with bum or boobs (to please Slasher)...

Caco

[OFSO]

Terrifying moment Ryanair flight forced to abandon landing at Dublin airport during storm Ali.....passengers screaming, wings rocking, power applied, aircraft ""shot up into the sky" and only after four attempts pilots "guided it in". No mention of "plummeting", "narrowly missed school", "oxygen masks descended" but one lives in hope for the next edition of the 'Evening Standard".

Oddly enough approach and GA look quite normal on You Tube.

[ian16th]

Y'all shouldn't mock the afflicted, or in this case the ignorant.

I'm very thankful that I have partaken nothing worse than an aborted T/O with a Hastings, due to a mag drop, half way down the very long main runway at Marham.

My abiding memory was the Flt Engineer coming down the back of the Hastings and asking if there was any Engine Fitters that knew the Hercules.

Those that did, knew enough to keep quite 'cos a plug change need to be done. The rest just muttered, 'Not me Chief, I'm turbines'.
Even this Fairy, had done his share of plug changes on Hercules at Istres/Orange. But of course no one on 214 knew about that.

[Capetonian]

Which stones do they turn over to find people to write this bilge?

As the plane tries to touch down on the runway at Dublin Airport a gust of wind appears to lift it again and the aircraft tilts upwards.

A Ryanair pilot was also pictured trying to land at Dublin Airport after arriving from Brussels, before sharply pulling up due to the high winds.

Footage captured the moment the pilot tried to land during Storm Ali earlier today, but as the plane got closer to the ground the jet started to lift and continued flying.

Just a few seconds before the plane should stop flying, the front end of the aircraft starts to tilt upwards and the plane starts to rise through the air again.

[Cacophonix]

As usual, the best of the stupid English.

How do we make them better?



I pray for you … mother ****...

Caco

[Cacophonix]

Idiots...

Uneducated fools..



Caco

[Woody]

Nothing like making public announcements before any investigation

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-india-45584300

[Ex-Ascot]

Probably left a door open. Good to have some fresh air with that load of pax in India.

[Slasher]

Probly left the Pressurization selector out of Auto. It's common on 737s for Engineering to leave it in Manual or Standby esp after the 36 hour checks (even though they shouldn't). If not corrected the cabin won't pressurise. The cabin warning horn sounds very similar to the gear horn.

[Ex-Ascot]

Never flown the 737 Capt but on the HS748 we also had auto or manual. Auto was a bit agricultural so we used to bleed it in slowly manually. It was on the F/O's side. A colleague was flying the King and Queen of Norway and our HMQ and HRH PP. HMQ of Norway on climb out complained about ear discomfiture. HRH, being qualified on type, rushed up to the the flight deck and gave the F/O a bollocking. The cabin supervisor was down the back when he sat back down and HMQ of Norway said: 'this always happens when I fly.'

[Slasher]

Sah the illustrious 20 ton Dogwhistle had Manual period. F/O (me) had to dick around with the dual spill valve switches on climb and descent. Level flight it behaved itself ok. The wise trick was keep 1/3rd of the passing alt as cabin alt e.g. F150 / 5000 cabin.

Bollocking the F/O was rife on the Fokker especially in a very high workload descent and appr. And forgetting to fully open the valves on touchdown earned one a further barrage of derogatory yell-ats.

[Woody]

At Perry Oaks International, watching departures plunge into the air with engines screaming as the pilots launch their aircraft into another death defying flight.
Actually it’s a bit breezy, so probably not a lot of fun today

[Capetonian]

Another brilliantly researched and highly accurate article from the Dreadful Mail

Mystery as London-bound Norwegian Airlines flight from Faro diverts to France after 'emergency is declared'

A Norwegian Airlines flight from Faro to London was diverted to France last night after an emergency was declared.

Flight maps show the passenger jet turning over the north coast of France and heading back towards the city of Nantes.

But it was unclear whether Gatwick-bound flight D82671 landed at Nantes Atlantique Airport after some flight trackers showed the airline stopping short of the airport.

The flight landed at Gatwick Airport at 3.58am.

[Capetonian]

A controlled EK 777 go-around at NCL generated the usual DM article, although I must have missed the bit about passengers praying, etc.

I thought that the following reader comment was excellent, despite the lack of proper punctuation.

It was Albert Einstein who pointed out that if you can't explain something satisfactorily to a 6 year old, then you don't understand it yourself. When the 6 year old then attempts to repeat their misunderstanding of the misunderstood explanation, the result ends up something like an "article" on anything even vaguely connected to aviation in the DM. Your obsession with crosswind landings and your incessantly fouled-up attempts to explain any of the relevant techniques, in the process of trying to beat them up into some sort of drama are absurd, misleading and therefore, stupid. Particularly as crosswind landing is one of the most basic and earliest taught necessities of flight. So here's a useful take-home message for you: Whatever the subject - If you find yourself to be too ignorant, too lazy, and/or too dense to learn to understand it, then you should write about something else you DO understand.

[Capetonian]

According to an article in today's DW, Thomas Cook Airlines had a problem with a Cancun Manchester flight operated by an Airbus A380, which turned back to Cancun.

Although I haven't checked I would be very surprised to learn that Thomas Cook airlines operate the 380.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/articl ... TWICE.html

[OFSO]

Lauda Air pilot aborts take-off at Stansted, plane skids to a stop narrowly missing infants school, two hospitals, some nuns waiting in departure and a handful of sparrows in their nests at the end of the runway. Hundreds unhurt in emergency evacuation. Chris Grayling offers thirty million pounds in compensation. (Not really, I made that last bit up.)

[Cacophonix]

Laudair in big Essex bang cock-up!

Captain Mike Hardon aborts take off and passengers come running while others run coming and some go down on slide.

"Bang possibly due to engine surge and that really sucked", said Laudair UK representative, Ms Brownwyn Whitethigh, young blonde, busty, 120 pound bombshell from Saffron Walden.

"We haven't had a bang like that here at Stansted since Captain Slasher was last here", said the buxom young lass with a whimsical smile and she arranged her... etc. etc.

Reader's Wives (Actuality Page) …aka Caco's fervid and dubious imagination...

Caco

[Ex-Ascot]

And, I hope that every passenger carrying hand luggage (can be seen in photos) when stepping off the shuttle bus into the terminal was arrested for endangering passengers and crew. I bet they were not. But why not?

[Krystal n Chips]

Fret ye all not...the scourge of Mailoverdramatisedcosis is spreading !

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-47423607

"C'mon,C'mon..do....the Laudamotion with me " ( sorry )