Write your own Daily Mail aviation incident drama

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Capetonian

Write your own Daily Mail aviation incident drama

#1 Post by Capetonian » Sun Jan 15, 2017 11:50 pm

Now anyone can be a Daily Mail aviation expert/consultant. All you have to do is select one of the options from the italicised parts of the following.

Have fun, don't exaggerate, and feel free to add your own imaginative twists!

_____________________________________________________________-


In a horrifying / unbelievable / terrifying / dramatic / death defying

midair / runway / airport

drama / near miss / crash landing

a massive Jumbo Airbus / Boeing Superjet / Airbus 747 / Boeing 380 / Dickers DC10

packed with

hundreds / thousands/ nearly a thousand / over a thousand / scores of / nearly a million

passengers / children / families

suffered a failure of all its

6 / 5 / 3

engines / propellers / wings / landing wheels

as it

hurtled down the runway at supersonic speed / plunged thousands of feet / came within inches of another packed Jumbo jet / was strafed by a Russian Mirage jet bomber

towards

the raging shark infested ocean / crocodile infested swamps / hostile mountain range / war torn rebel held area of Syria /
jungle full of vicious man eating giraffes / crowded shopping centre / school playground / orphanage / hospital / polar ice cap


with its

engines / wings / propellers

immobilised / blazing / billowing plumes of toxic smoke / exploding

as the heroic pilot

wrestled with the controls / frantically tried to find the right page in the instruction book / prayed to his maker / shagged a stewardess in the crew rest area / finished off a bottle of whisky / fought off a drunken drug-crazed thug

A passenger,

Vicky Slapper / Kevin Moron / Hilda Smegma / Abu Ali Husain

aged

4 / 16 / 64 / 89

who lives in

Slough / Bracknell / Weybridge / Swindon / Stirling / Lewes

in a

house / flat / council house / mansion / tent / yurt / stately home / abandoned car

worth

£50,000 / £256,000 / £4 million / half of sod all

and has

8 / 12 / 2 / no

children

and who was on

his / her

way back from / way to

The Greek holiday paradise of Majorca on the Adriatic coast / The Spanish island of Rhodes / The Caribbean island of Mauritius / the stag party capital of Poland, Budapest / the Greek occupied disputed territory of North Malta

with a group of

friends / football players / hookers

said

I was praying to God / writing to Allah / saw my life flash before my eyes / trying to phone my mother / I could see the whites of the fighter pilot's eyes as he pulled the bombing trigger / I could read the newspapers that one of the passengers on the other plane was reading

A spokesperson for the airline later said :

"Our aircraft encountered a minor patch of turbulence and a couple of passengers spilled their drinks / due to a crosswind, the landing was slightly harder than normal / due to a runway incursion, the aircraft had to perform a perfectly normal and safe procedure known as a missed approach / had to divert to a nearby airport due to air traffic congestion resulting from earlier bad weather / came within 5 nautical miles and 2,000 feet vertical separation of another civilian aircraft during its approach to a busy international airport."

Cacophonix

Re: Write your own Daily Mail aviation incident drama

#2 Post by Cacophonix » Wed Jan 18, 2017 6:40 pm

I am glad you noted the value of the house, yurt thing.

A pox on Lord Rotheremere, his newspapers, his people and all their works!

Caco

Slasher

Re: Write your own Daily Mail aviation incident drama

#3 Post by Slasher » Wed Jan 18, 2017 9:53 pm

Dunny paper like the Mail is not new. I recall yonks ago there was a rag in Melbourne Oz called 'The Truth' the more dumber locals used to read and wipe their arses with.

On a dimmer recollection some of the 'journos' there did admit the writers were simply trying to see who could outbullsh!t each other on a weekly basis, but I can't confirm that as I don't remember the source.

Fake news and bullsh!tting written media is nothing new - even Caligula had to fight off gossiping rubbish passing as news.

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Re: Write your own Daily Mail aviation incident drama

#4 Post by 500N » Wed Jan 18, 2017 10:19 pm

I can't find the link to that funny aircraft incident generator. Has anyone got it ?

Capetonian

Re: Write your own Daily Mail aviation incident drama

#5 Post by Capetonian » Thu Jan 19, 2017 7:22 am

Terrifying Mystery Flight
Adelaide passengers told of their terrible scare aboard a Brisbane bound Qantaslink flight which was told in no uncertain terms to return to Adelaide yesterday due to running out of fuel.
Some passengers were horrified that the 943 passengers were told few details of the tragedy.
They said the plane 'Porpoised like a dolphin chasing small fish' before turning around.
As a precaution, fire trucks were on standby when the Fokker V landed.
Passenger Bruce Goatman last night was still recovering from the ordeal.
'I was scared for my life and I don't scare easily', the passenger said.

http://radans.net/jens/planestory.html
http://newspaper.jaguarpaw.co.uk/

Cacophonix

Re: Write your own Daily Mail aviation incident drama

#6 Post by Cacophonix » Thu Jan 19, 2017 7:30 am

Reminds me of Rainboe's death tube 30 degrees rocking side to side at 600 miles an hour. Whatever became of that grumpy Captain?

Caco

Slasher

Re: Write your own Daily Mail aviation incident drama

#7 Post by Slasher » Thu Jan 19, 2017 9:35 am

Reminds me of an Oz news story a while ago of "terror-stricken" passengers' ordeal when a Virgin(?) 737 did an early missed app at CNS after a XXCB thundery moved onto the 33 threshold.

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Re: Write your own Daily Mail aviation incident drama

#8 Post by A Lutra Continua » Fri Jan 20, 2017 2:32 pm

One neural amputee journo in SA quoted a supposed eyewitness who was even dimmer (or taking the piss) as saying they saw the captain hanging out the window screaming for help as the aircraft passed overhead.

Capetonian

Re: Write your own Daily Mail aviation incident drama

#9 Post by Capetonian » Tue Sep 19, 2017 3:24 pm

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... throw.html
In skies over Surrey, the incredible near miss that wasn't:
Heartstopping moment two passenger jets appear to come perilously close as they cross paths over Heathrow

The planes were both carrying hundreds of passengers over the skies of Surrey
Incredible pictures captured the moment they appeared to be about to clash
Retired engineer Chris Hine, 70, took the pictures from his garden in Byfleet

This is the heart-stopping moment two passenger jets appear to come perilously close as they prepare to land.

The aircraft, both carrying hundreds of travellers, seem to cross paths so near that at one point they are virtually on top of one another.

The astonishing set of photos were captured by Chris Hine, 70, as he sat in his garden in Byfleet, Surrey.

Image

An impressive photo, and in fairness the article does later say that the standard vertical separation would have been maintained. I didn't see the bit about 'hundreds of passengers thinking that the two aircraft were going to crash into each other and go plummeting down towards a crowded school/shopping centre.

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Re: Write your own Daily Mail aviation incident drama

#10 Post by Pontius Navigator » Tue Sep 19, 2017 3:49 pm

What about the Malaysian Airways jet that disappeared in the Bermuda Triangle off Africa on a flight China to Malaysia having taken off from Brisbane en route to Bangkok with a stag party from Sydney. A passenger said they were scared s***less and couldn't remember a thing, strange init.

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Re: Write your own Daily Mail aviation incident drama

#11 Post by Tall Bird » Tue Sep 19, 2017 6:02 pm

Ah, the spirit of the Molesworth Self-Adjusting Thank-You letter lives on! :))

https://raggedclawsnetwork.files.wordpr ... 4_p105.jpg

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Re: Write your own Daily Mail aviation incident drama

#12 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Tue Sep 19, 2017 6:28 pm

..as any fule kno ;)

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Re: Write your own Daily Mail aviation incident drama

#13 Post by Mrs Ex-Ascot » Tue Oct 10, 2017 12:19 pm

The latest sensible reportage from the DM; as usual all the passengers were terrified! 8-|

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... apses.html

I don't think I could out do the DM's reporters :D
RAF 32 Sqn B Flt ; Twin Squirrels.

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Re: Write your own Daily Mail aviation incident drama

#14 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Tue Oct 10, 2017 1:54 pm

The thing about barrel-scraping and sh!t-shoveling experts is they make it look so easy....

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Re: Write your own Daily Mail aviation incident drama

#15 Post by limeygal » Wed Oct 11, 2017 2:07 pm

I read the DM report. Just to be sure I understood this correctly-16 minutes into a flight from Newcastle to Cyprus, the nearest airport was Sofia, Bulgaria? WTF

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Re: Write your own Daily Mail aviation incident drama

#16 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Wed Oct 11, 2017 2:29 pm

More likely scenario.
Pilot takes ill after 16 minutes. Gets up and says he's OK. Decide to continue. Gets worse over Bulgaria, so land at Sofia.

You will never, ever, be able to work out what really happened from any DM "report". It is an entertainment rag with pretensions of credibility.

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Re: Write your own Daily Mail aviation incident drama

#17 Post by Alisoncc » Wed Oct 11, 2017 2:51 pm

Pilot has epileptic fit convulsing so violently as to prevent anyone else entering the cockpit for such time as to leave the aircraft with just it's last few litres of fuel. But managed to glide to an airport on autopilot.
Rev Mother Bene Gesserit.

Sent from my PDP11/05 running RSX-11D via an ASR33 (TTY)

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Re: Write your own Daily Mail aviation incident drama

#18 Post by Cacophonix » Thu Oct 12, 2017 9:11 am

Nah, none of the above cuts the mustard...

Now this makes sense...

Roger Murdock: Flight 2-0-9'er, you are cleared for take-off.
Captain Oveur: Roger!
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Tower voice: L.A. departure frequency, 123 point 9'er.
Captain Oveur: Roger!
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Victor Basta: Request vector, over.
Captain Oveur: What?
Tower voice: Flight 2-0-9'er cleared for vector 324.
Roger Murdock: We have clearance, Clarence.
Captain Oveur: Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?
Tower voice: Tower's radio clearance, over!
Captain Oveur: That's Clarence Oveur. Over.
Tower voice: Over.
Captain Oveur: Roger.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Tower voice: Roger, over!
Roger Murdock: What?
Captain Oveur: Huh?
Victor Basta: Who?


All said to the sound of an over speeding prop on a 707 jet!

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Re: Write your own Daily Mail aviation incident drama

#19 Post by Cacophonix » Thu Oct 12, 2017 9:20 am

Of course more salacious or interesting journals or papers than the Wail might describe incidents like this..;

A very common occurrence at higher latitudes the old sex ray! Not to be confused with St Elmo's fire! =)) (Or so Slasher informs me)!

[bbvideo=560,315]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vk_BtsTOy7k[/bbvideo]

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Capetonian

Re: Write your own Daily Mail aviation incident drama

#20 Post by Capetonian » Thu Nov 16, 2017 5:41 pm

KLM plane suffered the strike after departing from Amsterdam's Schipol Airport
Thankfully, the craft withstood the hit and continued as normal to its destination
The unnerving footage by Valk Aviation amassed 140,000 views in just one day

If you suffer a fear of flying, look away now.

Because this is the dramatic moment a commercial carrier suffers a direct lightning hit - just moments after launching into the skies.

Footage shows the commercial carrier being struck mid-air while carrying countless passengers from Amsterdam's Schipol Airport
.

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