Friday Jokes

General Chit Chat
Message
Author
Slasher

Re: Friday Jokes

#3021 Post by Slasher » Wed Jul 17, 2019 5:53 am

Get this book banned. Now!!! :-s

fbc1bf5e-ee28-4428-9cce-273f7ae9131b.jpg

Sisemen

Re: Friday Jokes

#3022 Post by Sisemen » Wed Jul 17, 2019 11:31 am

255F025B-9CA9-4D39-B18A-96F696DE8BE8.jpeg

ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5947
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W
Gender:
Age: 80

Re: Friday Jokes

#3023 Post by ricardian » Wed Jul 17, 2019 9:04 pm

Image
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5947
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W
Gender:
Age: 80

Re: Friday Jokes

#3024 Post by ricardian » Thu Jul 18, 2019 8:41 am

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

Capetonian

Re: Friday Jokes

#3025 Post by Capetonian » Thu Jul 18, 2019 8:59 am

Krzstof Przybyszewski arrived at a Police station late one night to lay a charge of intent to murder against his wife. When they asked him on what grounds he was making the accusation, he said that he got home late, his wife was already in bed, and this was on her bedside table :
Attachments
Capture.JPG
Capture.JPG (16.57 KiB) Viewed 336 times

User avatar
llondel
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5913
Joined: Wed Oct 03, 2018 3:17 am
Location: San Jose

Re: Friday Jokes

#3026 Post by llondel » Thu Jul 18, 2019 5:16 pm

ricardian wrote:
Thu Jul 18, 2019 8:41 am
Apologies for aviation content
A place I once worked had a vending machine. I avoided it but I was told that the coffee tasted like tea and the tea tasted like some sort of industrial cleaning fluid. It also had the habit of dispensing cups that fell over, so the following liquid got sprayed everywhere.

ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5947
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W
Gender:
Age: 80

Re: Friday Jokes

#3027 Post by ricardian » Thu Jul 18, 2019 7:34 pm

Image

Clever - look it up!
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

User avatar
Fox3WheresMyBanana
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 12986
Joined: Thu Sep 03, 2015 9:51 pm
Location: Great White North
Gender:
Age: 61

Re: Friday Jokes

#3028 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Thu Jul 18, 2019 7:45 pm

God also hates penguins, Genesis 7:14

G-CPTN
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 7594
Joined: Sun Aug 05, 2018 11:22 pm
Location: Tynedale
Gender:
Age: 79

Re: Friday Jokes

#3029 Post by G-CPTN » Thu Jul 18, 2019 10:41 pm

Once Noah's Ark had come to rest after the flood, God instructed the occupants to 'go forth and multiply' - which is a metaphor for 'Fcuk off!' - So they Fcuked off . . . (as they had long distances to travel in order to repopulate the entire World

User avatar
Fox3WheresMyBanana
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 12986
Joined: Thu Sep 03, 2015 9:51 pm
Location: Great White North
Gender:
Age: 61

Re: Friday Jokes

#3030 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Thu Jul 18, 2019 10:59 pm

"How shall we f#ck off, O Lord?"

Slasher

Re: Friday Jokes

#3031 Post by Slasher » Fri Jul 19, 2019 12:27 am

Fox3WheresMyBanana wrote:
Thu Jul 18, 2019 10:59 pm
"How shall we f#ck off, O Lord?"
=))

BTW Fox I looked the ref up and can't find anywhere that god had it in for the penguins.

User avatar
ExSp33db1rd
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 3229
Joined: Sat Sep 12, 2015 1:51 am
Location: Lesser Antipode
Gender:
Age: 89

Re: Friday Jokes

#3032 Post by ExSp33db1rd » Fri Jul 19, 2019 12:49 am

Biblical references ?

Many years ago, leaving the crew hotel after our very first visit to Auckland, the receptionist asked how we had "found" I.e. appreciated, New Zealand ? The F/O just said “Hebrews 13 v 8.” At our next stop I consulted the Gideon Bible contained in every hotel bedside drawer. ( Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, today, and forever ).

Still true ( don't go to N.Z at a weekend - It'll be closed )

User avatar
Fox3WheresMyBanana
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 12986
Joined: Thu Sep 03, 2015 9:51 pm
Location: Great White North
Gender:
Age: 61

Re: Friday Jokes

#3033 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Fri Jul 19, 2019 12:56 am

Penguins are birds without wings; God told Noah to save only the birds with wings.

Hydromet
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 4301
Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2015 8:55 am
Location: SE Oz
Gender:

Re: Friday Jokes

#3034 Post by Hydromet » Fri Jul 19, 2019 1:20 am

Flippin' heck!

User avatar
Fox3WheresMyBanana
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 12986
Joined: Thu Sep 03, 2015 9:51 pm
Location: Great White North
Gender:
Age: 61

Re: Friday Jokes

#3035 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Fri Jul 19, 2019 1:50 am

=))

So God sent the flood waters to cover the Earth...

..but penguins live on the ice...

...and ice floats, so He never got 'em!

Slasher

Re: Friday Jokes

#3036 Post by Slasher » Fri Jul 19, 2019 2:15 am

And Noah, one evening in his 600th year just after teatime, did he askerh the Lord "I hath taken all animals two by two, and all birds with wings, but the gentle penguin I cannot find. What sayeth you O Lord?"

God replied "Verily I say unto you my servant, to hell with the bloody penguins. All the do is squawk and sh!t everywhere. Speaketh of them not!"

User avatar
Stoneboat
Capt
Capt
Posts: 1947
Joined: Sun Aug 23, 2015 9:09 pm
Location: 50-13.5N/66-16.0W
Gender:
Age: 77

Re: Friday Jokes

#3037 Post by Stoneboat » Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:07 am

How God created animals.

My fav'rites;

God creating the turkey...
God: Make it like a **** brown peacock.
Angel: Anything else?
God: Hang a nut sack on its face.

God creating alligators:
God: See that log?
Angel: Yeah.
God: Fill it with teeth.

Slasher

Re: Friday Jokes

#3038 Post by Slasher » Fri Jul 19, 2019 4:31 am

In his wisdom god made the fly
But then the fcuk didn't tell us why!

Same with bloody mozzies. :-L

Slasher

Re: Friday Jokes

#3039 Post by Slasher » Fri Jul 19, 2019 4:44 am

[God creating thunderstorms]

God: here...take these and scatter 'em round the Earth

Angel: ok but why?

God: it's me giving the finger to pilots. Arrogant bastards.

Angel: but won't everyone then realise you hate pilots?

God: Nah. They'll call it "Nature".


[God creating airline jets]

God: grab these things and put lots of fuel in the wings and jet engines on 'em.

Angel: ok

God: have them fly through thunderstorms and stuff

Angel: but doesn't water snuff out flames?

God: yep

Angel: and don't sparks ignite fuel?

God: yep

Angel: 😱

ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5947
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W
Gender:
Age: 80

Re: Friday Jokes

#3040 Post by ricardian » Fri Jul 19, 2019 4:27 pm

Image
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

Post Reply