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Friday Jokes
- CharlieOneSix
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5005
- Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2015 12:58 pm
- Location: NE Scotland
- Gender:
- Age: 79
Re: Friday Jokes
The helicopter pilots' mantra: If it hasn't gone wrong then it's just about to...
https://www.glenbervie-weather.org
https://www.glenbervie-weather.org
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5947
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5947
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
Re: Friday Jokes
Keep 'em coming ricardian
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5947
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
The crisis has brought disruption to every section of society. From schoolchildren to the elderly, and from the self-employed to the abruptly furloughed, all of us are facing upheaval in our daily lives and anxiety about our futures. However, amid the clamour of appeal for Government support the plight of one group appears to have been cruelly overlooked - criminals.
The Prime Minister may only have announced the nationwide lock-down on Monday night, but already families from across the law-breaking community are feeling the pinch. Burglars, for example, have seen their takings collapse.
“It’s a nightmare,” says Barry Knuckles, president of the National Union of Housebreakers. “Now that the entire population is at home 24 hours a day, it’s impossible to burgle anyone. They’re never out.”
Speaking on the Today programme, Mr Knuckles urged the Government to provide financial support for his members during these tough times. He called on the Chancellor to cover 80 per cent of the value of all the laptops, jewellery and flat-screen TVs that Britain’s burglars would normally have stolen and sold on. So far, however, he has yet to receive a response.
“The political class are completely out of touch with the concerns of decent, hard-working criminals,” he says.
But burglars aren’t the only felons struggling to meet the challenges of the coronavirus age.
“It’s all very well for people who can work from home, like phishing scammers and identity thieves,” says Dave Fingers, chairman of the Association of British Muggers and Bag-Snatchers. “But how are you supposed to pick someone’s pocket from two metres away? Some of our lads have tried using those little hooked rods you get in fairground hook-a-duck games, or those funny reacher-grabber tools that old folk use for picking up stuff they’ve dropped on the floor. But it’s hopeless. The Government’s got to think again.”
The Prime Minister may only have announced the nationwide lock-down on Monday night, but already families from across the law-breaking community are feeling the pinch. Burglars, for example, have seen their takings collapse.
“It’s a nightmare,” says Barry Knuckles, president of the National Union of Housebreakers. “Now that the entire population is at home 24 hours a day, it’s impossible to burgle anyone. They’re never out.”
Speaking on the Today programme, Mr Knuckles urged the Government to provide financial support for his members during these tough times. He called on the Chancellor to cover 80 per cent of the value of all the laptops, jewellery and flat-screen TVs that Britain’s burglars would normally have stolen and sold on. So far, however, he has yet to receive a response.
“The political class are completely out of touch with the concerns of decent, hard-working criminals,” he says.
But burglars aren’t the only felons struggling to meet the challenges of the coronavirus age.
“It’s all very well for people who can work from home, like phishing scammers and identity thieves,” says Dave Fingers, chairman of the Association of British Muggers and Bag-Snatchers. “But how are you supposed to pick someone’s pocket from two metres away? Some of our lads have tried using those little hooked rods you get in fairground hook-a-duck games, or those funny reacher-grabber tools that old folk use for picking up stuff they’ve dropped on the floor. But it’s hopeless. The Government’s got to think again.”
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
- GrumpyOldFart
- Snr FO
- Posts: 249
- Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2015 12:07 pm
- Location: Acadie
- Gender:
- Age: 105
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5947
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
- Cpt_Pugwash
- Capt
- Posts: 1010
- Joined: Sun Feb 07, 2016 11:46 pm
- Location: On the edge of Ciderspace
Re: Friday Jokes
Going into the third week of lockdown, and the wife says we should try some games like we used to play before the kids arrived. My suggestion of hide the sausage met a frosty response.
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5947
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
- Rwy in Sight
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 6740
- Joined: Wed Aug 26, 2015 8:04 pm
- Location: Lost in an FIR somewhere
- Gender:
Re: Friday Jokes
It is a joke but it appeared so real as an announcement by the local psychologists society: dear citizens, during the lockdown it is normal to talk to walls, pieces of furniture and animals during the lockdown. You are welcome to contact us if they talk back to you.
- OFSO
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 18602
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 6:39 pm
- Location: Teddington UK and Roses Catalunia
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Post 4907 - why are earth wires so often left loose ? Answers on a postcard, please...
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 14669
- Joined: Fri Jul 07, 2017 8:17 am
- Location: Gravity be the clue
- Gender:
- Age: 80
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5947
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
- ian16th
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 10029
- Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2015 9:35 am
- Location: KZN South Coast with the bananas
- Gender:
- Age: 87
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5947
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
Re: Friday Jokes
Is that what we know as 'balling in the hay'?
Re: Friday Jokes
Where did you find that?................
Re: Friday Jokes
I cycled over to the shop to get an extra bottle of wine for the lockdown.
After I bought it I put it in my bag and thought, what if I fall off my bike and break it ??
So I opened it and drank it outside the shop.
Good job really as I fell off my bike 7 times on the way home
After I bought it I put it in my bag and thought, what if I fall off my bike and break it ??
So I opened it and drank it outside the shop.
Good job really as I fell off my bike 7 times on the way home