Friday Jokes

[Magnus]

On the subject of willy warmers, we were at a local market and someone was selling Santa Hat willy warmers. 3 sizes; small, medium and liar.

[llondel]

finebird.jpg (46.06 KiB) Viewed 978 times

[EA01]

Which is which (Witch?)

[EA01]

One of the funnier ones I've seen in a while...

[EA01]

Yeah....one of thee washed up on the beach here 60 odd years ago

[EA01]

I don't go in for reality TV.....but...

[EA01]

Would you walk 500 miles?

[Rossian]

.....I did - in 1999. Roncesvalles monastery on the top of the Pyrenees to Santiago de Compostela.

The Ancient Mariner

[bob2s]

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/202111 ... 39b87c.jpg

[ricardian]

A vicar entered his donkey in a race and it won. The vicar was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the next race, and it won again.
The local newspaper read: VICAR’S ASS OUT IN FRONT.
The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the vicar not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local newspaper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES VICAR’S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the vicar to get rid of the donkey. The vicar decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.

[ricardian]

Probably false but...

[Hydromet]

Probably false but...

COVID 19 is probably the least of Canowindra's worries at present. They are copping serious floods.

[ricardian]

Absolutely correct!

[Boac]

Ask Joe.

[ricardian]

Must have been ghost-written

[Woody]

[ricardian]

One time I got sick and landed in hospital.There was this one young nurse that just drove me crazy. Every time she came in, she would talk to me like I was a little child. She would say in a patronising tone of voice, “And how are we doing this morning?” or “Are we ready for a bath?” or “Are we hungry?”
I had had enough of this particular nurse. One day at breakfast, I took the apple juice off the tray and put it in my bedside cabinet. Later I was given a urine sample bottle to fill for testing. So you know where the juice went!
The nurse came in a while later, picked up the urine sample bottle, looked at it and said, “My, my, it seems we are a little cloudy today.”
At this, I snatched the bottle out of her hand and gulped it down, saying, “Well, I'll run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this time!”
The nurse fainted... I just smiled.
DON'T MESS WITH OLD PEOPLE!

[ricardian]

For all artists, both amateur & professional, everywhere

[llondel]

With today being St Andrew’s Day, our local hospital is serving haggis, neeps and tatties.

But only in the Burns Unit.

[FD2]