Friday Jokes

General Chit Chat
Message
Author
User avatar
Ex-Ascot
Test Pilot
Test Pilot
Posts: 13096
Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2015 7:16 am
Location: Botswana but sometimes Greece
Gender:
Age: 68

Re: Friday Jokes

#8641 Post by Ex-Ascot » Tue Jun 28, 2022 7:02 am

Made the mistake of going shoe shopping with a girlfriend many moons ago. We went to every shoe shop in Altrincham which was many. She ended up buying shoes at the first shop we had gone into.

We just go into a shop buy what we want, if they have it, and walk out.
'Yes, Madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.' Sir Winston Churchill.

Pontius Navigator
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 14669
Joined: Fri Jul 07, 2017 8:17 am
Location: Gravity be the clue
Gender:
Age: 80

Re: Friday Jokes

#8642 Post by Pontius Navigator » Tue Jun 28, 2022 7:10 am

:-bd
Ex-Ascot wrote:
Tue Jun 28, 2022 7:02 am
Made the mistake of going shoe shopping with a girlfriend many moons ago. We went to every shoe shop in Altrincham which was many. She ended up buying shoes at the first shop we had gone into.

We just go into a shop buy what we want, if they have it, and walk out.
I keep telling Mrs PN, if you see it, think you might like it, get it. It saves a journey the next day by which time it will have gone.

User avatar
Woody
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 10245
Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2015 6:33 pm
Location: Sir Kenny Dalglish Stand
Age: 59

Re: Friday Jokes

#8643 Post by Woody » Tue Jun 28, 2022 7:11 am

Think I’ve struck a nerve with that one :))

Image
When all else fails, read the instructions.

User avatar
Ex-Ascot
Test Pilot
Test Pilot
Posts: 13096
Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2015 7:16 am
Location: Botswana but sometimes Greece
Gender:
Age: 68

Re: Friday Jokes

#8644 Post by Ex-Ascot » Tue Jun 28, 2022 8:34 am

Has to be the Daily Snail:
Catholic priest is jailed for 30 years for murdering albino man in Malawi so his body parts could be sold on black market
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/articl ... i=10960113
'Yes, Madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.' Sir Winston Churchill.

User avatar
Fox3WheresMyBanana
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 12987
Joined: Thu Sep 03, 2015 9:51 pm
Location: Great White North
Gender:
Age: 61

Re: Friday Jokes

#8645 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Tue Jun 28, 2022 11:16 am

I organised an overseas trip to Florida for some schoolgirls, including skydiving.
Because it is illegal for unmarried women to skydive on Sundays (I am not making this up!), we needed something else for them to do.
I'd written the trip instruction like an RAF Op Order to make sure I didn't miss anything, so I just added the shoe shops of Bal Harbor Mall to the list of Places of Worship.
And that was the religious service they all chose to attend :))
I also issued each group with a walkie-talkie, so I could avoid having to traipse round with them, and still round them up at the end.

https://www.spatzlawfirm.com/blog/2019/ ... now-about/

User avatar
Ex-Ascot
Test Pilot
Test Pilot
Posts: 13096
Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2015 7:16 am
Location: Botswana but sometimes Greece
Gender:
Age: 68

Re: Friday Jokes

#8646 Post by Ex-Ascot » Tue Jun 28, 2022 12:12 pm

It is only about 10 years ago here that ladies were allowed to wear trousers in the street. Even now going to the village tribal office location, which includes the cop shop and village administration offices guys have to wear trousers and ladies skirts. It is a complete pain.
'Yes, Madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.' Sir Winston Churchill.

User avatar
llondel
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5913
Joined: Wed Oct 03, 2018 3:17 am
Location: San Jose

Re: Friday Jokes

#8647 Post by llondel » Tue Jun 28, 2022 2:45 pm

OFSO wrote:
Tue Jun 28, 2022 4:58 am
Oh Woody, how very true. "I've just got one thing to buy in the supermarket. Wait in the car, I won't be a minute. "
Emerges thirty minutes later struggling to carry a large shopping bag.
Only one? I've had a "couple of items" trip turn out to be an overloaded shopping trolley, which probably equates to several shopping bags.

I've been known to choose to carry a basket, on the basis that then I don't have room for more.

PHXPhlyer
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 8246
Joined: Sun Jun 17, 2018 2:56 pm
Location: PHX
Gender:
Age: 69

Re: Friday Jokes

#8648 Post by PHXPhlyer » Tue Jun 28, 2022 2:59 pm

Ex-Ascot wrote:
Tue Jun 28, 2022 7:02 am
We just go into a shop buy what we want, if they have it, and walk out.
I call it "Guy Shopping". :D

PP

1DC
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 2179
Joined: Sat Sep 12, 2015 10:06 am
Location: Retired guy from the UK East Coast
Gender:
Age: 84

Re: Friday Jokes

#8649 Post by 1DC » Tue Jun 28, 2022 3:45 pm

He says. "I'll just nip into town". She says. "I'll come with you". He thinks. Thats the day buggered then...

User avatar
Ex-Ascot
Test Pilot
Test Pilot
Posts: 13096
Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2015 7:16 am
Location: Botswana but sometimes Greece
Gender:
Age: 68

Re: Friday Jokes

#8650 Post by Ex-Ascot » Wed Jun 29, 2022 8:32 am

Snow Man
Attachments
Snow Man.jpg
'Yes, Madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.' Sir Winston Churchill.

Hydromet
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 4302
Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2015 8:55 am
Location: SE Oz
Gender:

Re: Friday Jokes

#8651 Post by Hydromet » Wed Jun 29, 2022 10:14 am

Men need a reason to go shopping, women just need an opportunity. With sex, it's the other way round.

ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5947
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W
Gender:
Age: 80

Re: Friday Jokes

#8652 Post by ricardian » Wed Jun 29, 2022 10:32 am

Q: What do you call a magician who has lost his magic?
A: Ian
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

User avatar
Ex-Ascot
Test Pilot
Test Pilot
Posts: 13096
Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2015 7:16 am
Location: Botswana but sometimes Greece
Gender:
Age: 68

Re: Friday Jokes

#8653 Post by Ex-Ascot » Wed Jun 29, 2022 11:06 am

Ricardian, of all your fantastic jokes I think that this one comes at the very bottom.
'Yes, Madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.' Sir Winston Churchill.

ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5947
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W
Gender:
Age: 80

Re: Friday Jokes

#8654 Post by ricardian » Wed Jun 29, 2022 11:56 am

Ex-Ascot wrote:
Wed Jun 29, 2022 11:06 am
Ricardian, of all your fantastic jokes I think that this one comes at the very bottom.
My previous career as a writer of jokes for Xmas crackers is showing
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5947
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W
Gender:
Age: 80

Re: Friday Jokes

#8655 Post by ricardian » Wed Jun 29, 2022 11:56 am

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5947
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W
Gender:
Age: 80

Re: Friday Jokes

#8656 Post by ricardian » Thu Jun 30, 2022 7:50 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5947
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W
Gender:
Age: 80

Re: Friday Jokes

#8657 Post by ricardian » Thu Jun 30, 2022 8:59 pm

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church, by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript, so he goes to the Abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up. In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The Abbot says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives, in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the Old Abbot so the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He finds the abbot banging his head against the wall and wailing.
"We missed the R! We missed the R! We missed the bloody R!"
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the Abbot, "What ever is the matter, father?"
With a choking voice, the old Abbot replies, "The word was... CELEBRATE!"
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

Magnus
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 3484
Joined: Thu Sep 10, 2015 12:42 pm
Location: Edinburgh
Gender:
Age: 71

Re: Friday Jokes

#8658 Post by Magnus » Fri Jul 01, 2022 10:03 am

We holiday in Italy each year. I once counted her shoes. 8 pairs. How did we spend our days? Feckn shoe-shopping.

Back to Friday jokes. On father's day, one daughter bought me a pack of 101 Dad jokes. Everybody now hates her. :)

Pontius Navigator
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 14669
Joined: Fri Jul 07, 2017 8:17 am
Location: Gravity be the clue
Gender:
Age: 80

Re: Friday Jokes

#8659 Post by Pontius Navigator » Fri Jul 01, 2022 11:49 am

Magnus wrote:
Fri Jul 01, 2022 10:03 am
We holiday in Italy each year. I once counted her shoes. 8 pairs. How did we spend our days? Feckn shoe-shopping.
Shush
I bought a pair of shoes in Naples

ribrash

Re: Friday Jokes

#8660 Post by ribrash » Fri Jul 01, 2022 12:15 pm

Pontius Navigator wrote:
Fri Jul 01, 2022 11:49 am
Magnus wrote:
Fri Jul 01, 2022 10:03 am
We holiday in Italy each year. I once counted her shoes. 8 pairs. How did we spend our days? Feckn shoe-shopping.
Shush
I bought a pair of shoes in Naples
I,m off to see my lad in Naples,at the end of October.Can you recommend any good shoe shops ? =))

Post Reply