Friday Jokes

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Woody
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8861 Post by Woody » Fri Aug 12, 2022 4:45 pm

When all else fails, read the instructions.

ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8862 Post by ricardian » Sat Aug 13, 2022 1:58 pm

One Sunday after Sunday School a mother asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.
The daughter answered, "Don't worry, you'll get your electric blanket."
Needless to say, the mother was quite perplexed. Later in the day, the vicar stopped by for tea and the mother asked him what that morning's Sunday School lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy Comforter is coming."
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8863 Post by ricardian » Sat Aug 13, 2022 2:36 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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G-CPTN
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8864 Post by G-CPTN » Sat Aug 13, 2022 6:58 pm

Such as needle naddle noo.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8865 Post by ricardian » Sun Aug 14, 2022 8:58 am

If a man walking along the street sinks his teeth into a dog it's worthy of making the news. The other way around, it's just a bit pedestrian.
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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8866 Post by ricardian » Sun Aug 14, 2022 6:10 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8867 Post by ricardian » Sun Aug 14, 2022 6:37 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8868 Post by ricardian » Sun Aug 14, 2022 8:19 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8869 Post by bob2s » Sun Aug 14, 2022 10:17 pm

8Differ.jpg

ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8870 Post by ricardian » Sun Aug 14, 2022 10:58 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

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Opsboi
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8871 Post by Opsboi » Sun Aug 14, 2022 11:05 pm

Time to thank ricardian again for his contributions

I often nick his stuff and post it on another site, giving the credit to a pilot who tested the prototypes of TSR2, Concorde and the Saab Viggen

They are impressed...

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Fox3WheresMyBanana
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8872 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Mon Aug 15, 2022 12:36 pm

+1!!

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8873 Post by ricardian » Mon Aug 15, 2022 3:47 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

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Fox3WheresMyBanana
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8874 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Tue Aug 16, 2022 6:32 pm

After the success of drones in the war, the Ukrainians are now treating Russians waving either white flags or brown underpants as signs of surrender.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8875 Post by FD2 » Tue Aug 16, 2022 8:22 pm

names.jpg

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8876 Post by ricardian » Tue Aug 16, 2022 9:16 pm

Some nicknames that have been given to some characters from Glasgow, Scotland by their workmates and friends:

*Two Soups*
- his real name is Campbell Baxter.

*Norrie Two Bonnets*
- the Glasgow taxi-driver who wears a wig under his cloth cap.

*The Colostomy*
- the girlfriend of a married man (i.e. the wee bag on the side).

*The Boomerang Kid*
- whenever anyone at work asks a question, he always replies: 'I'll get back to you on that. '

*The Parachute*
- lets everyone down at the last minute.

*Vaseline*
- his real name is Willie Burns.

*Rembrandt*
- loves saying to colleagues: 'Let me put you in the picture...'

*Bo Derek*
- a chap called Derek with terrible body odour.

*The Genie*
- magically appears whenever anyone opens a bottle.

*Dulux*
- his pals reckon he's only got one coat.

*Soapy*
- washes his hands of any problems that crop up..

*The Yeti*
- always on the sick. Many unconfirmed sightings of this guy, but nobody can prove he actually exists.

*The Gas Man*
- he's serviced loads of old boilers.

*The Hostage*
- when anyone asks for help he always replies: 'Sorry, my hands are tied.'

*The Olympic Flame*
- He never goes out.
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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Hydromet
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8877 Post by Hydromet » Tue Aug 16, 2022 11:23 pm

"Harpic"
Clean round the bend.

"Minuteman"
In the habit of asking "Got a minute, mate."

"Hydraulic"
Will lift anything that's not nailed down.

"Wang"
Surname Kerr

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Fox3WheresMyBanana
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8878 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Tue Aug 16, 2022 11:41 pm

Roman numerals have consequences
cxx.jpeg

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ExSp33db1rd
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8879 Post by ExSp33db1rd » Wed Aug 17, 2022 12:52 am

Nicknames ?

The Mirror - "I'll look into it "

The Teeth - A dentist called John Nash, ( used to frequent the local pub ! )

ribrash

Re: Friday Jokes

#8880 Post by ribrash » Wed Aug 17, 2022 7:50 am

Google Liverpool dockers nicknames.

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