Friday Jokes

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Pontius Navigator
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9281 Post by Pontius Navigator » Sun Dec 04, 2022 5:26 pm

OFSO wrote:
Sat Dec 03, 2022 8:52 pm
That those degrees Kevin??
Why do you think Kevin would know?

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9282 Post by Woody » Mon Dec 05, 2022 3:27 pm

Sorry Jim :)

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9283 Post by OFSO » Mon Dec 05, 2022 5:21 pm

My first thought would be it's an alien seduction. Induction? Reduction?

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9284 Post by ricardian » Mon Dec 05, 2022 5:29 pm

Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing that I'd like to donate to a charity shop.
Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash, much easier.
Wife: But there are poor, starving people who can use those clothes.
Husband: My dear, anyone who fits into your clothes is definitely not starving.

(The husband is expected to be out of hospital very soon)
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9285 Post by ricardian » Mon Dec 05, 2022 5:40 pm

Due to an unfortunate spelling error which I made whilst booking next year's holiday on the Norfolk Broads I now find that I am spending next year's holiday on the Norfolk B roads.
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9286 Post by ricardian » Mon Dec 05, 2022 7:08 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9287 Post by Hydromet » Mon Dec 05, 2022 10:00 pm

Mother & child reunion.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9288 Post by Boac » Tue Dec 06, 2022 9:50 am

Meanwhile, inside the box, Schrödinger's cat plans its revenge.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9289 Post by OFSO » Tue Dec 06, 2022 3:26 pm

It Snowed Last night.

8-00 am : I made a Snowman.

8-10 - A Lady passed by and asked me why I didn't make a Snow woman.

8-15 so I made a Snow woman.

8-18 my female neighbour complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest, saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

8-20 The gay couple living nearby threw a Hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snowmen instead.

8-23 I was asked why I hadn't just made a snow person

8-25 The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8-28 I was being called a racist because the snow couple was white.

8-31 The Muslim gentleman across the road demanded the snow woman wear a Burqa.

8-35 The police arrive and say someone has been offended.

8-38 The female neighbour complained again, that the Broomstick on the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

8-40 The council equity officer arrives and threatened me with eviction.

8-45 TV crews from the BBC showed up, I was asked if there was a difference between a snowman and a snow woman! I replied

" snowballs" and am now called a sexist.

8-50 I was on the news a a suspected terrorist, Racist, Homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

8-55 I was asked if I had any accomplices, my children were taken into care.

9-00 Far left protesters offended by everything March down my street demanding I be arrested.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9290 Post by ricardian » Wed Dec 07, 2022 1:49 am

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9291 Post by Hydromet » Wed Dec 07, 2022 6:10 am

316953223_5814497665269621_8568579983390513068_n.jpg

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9292 Post by ricardian » Wed Dec 07, 2022 8:31 am

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9293 Post by Pinky the pilot » Wed Dec 07, 2022 9:57 am

OFSO; re your 'It snowed last night' joke....

I can still remember back around 1980 when I was living in Darwin NT of Australia and one evening watching 'The Goodies' TV show. One sketch really amused me at the time. Tim Brooke-Taylor was dressed as a Schoolboy and made to recite Baa Baa Black Sheep.

Whe he got to the words 'Black Sheep' the School Marm slammed her cane down on the desk and screamed 'Racist!!'

So TB-T changed it to something 'neutral.' I now forget what.

Next line "Yes sir Yes sir...." Cane again slammed on the desk with the scream "Elitist!!'

Words changed. When it came to 'One for the Master and one for the Dame'.... Cane on the desk again. "Sexist!!"

I forget the rest. But my point is that it was funny then....but now......

So just maybe your joke might not be a joke but one day become real life! ~X(

And that really worries me! ~X(

Btw; Can any of my fellow Ops-Normal Members whom are far more Net savvy than I find the Goodies sketch related above and post it? :-\
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9294 Post by Hydromet » Wed Dec 07, 2022 10:07 am

Along the lines of Stan Freburg and "Elderly Man River.


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Re: Friday Jokes

#9295 Post by ricardian » Fri Dec 09, 2022 4:01 am

I Googled "missing medieval servant".
The result came back "page not found".
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9296 Post by Ex-Ascot » Sat Dec 10, 2022 8:32 am

Just sent to me by a local.
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9297 Post by talmacapt » Sat Dec 10, 2022 10:23 am

Wife had a Hydromet moment this morning, "I was thinking".

We are now moving the, very heavy, dining table to the kitchen and the, very heavy, table I use for a second office table from the upstairs office to downstairs the dining room.

This, of course, means temporarily moving several other pieces of furniture to allow this to happen.

Growl!!

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9298 Post by Wodrick » Sat Dec 10, 2022 10:28 am

Next line, No it doesn't look right, back ...............

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9299 Post by talmacapt » Sat Dec 10, 2022 11:23 am

I have told her that now it is downstairs, had to take the legs off, it is not going upstairs again.

I seem to remember saying the opposite when we carried it upstairs about 10 years ago.

I was a bit younger then, not the 76 I am now.

Tiled dining tables are quite pretty but very heavy.

She can now put the photographs/pictures back on the stairs wall.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9300 Post by ricardian » Sat Dec 10, 2022 11:56 am

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