Friday Jokes

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tango15
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9801 Post by tango15 » Tue May 30, 2023 12:31 pm

There are rumours of a new series with Cleese and his daughter - not sure how well that will work:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-64563839

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9802 Post by Boac » Tue May 30, 2023 8:40 pm

We have had an unexpected shortage of eggs around where I live

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9803 Post by PHXPhlyer » Tue May 30, 2023 8:44 pm

Would that make them lesbihens? :-? :D

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9804 Post by Boac » Tue May 30, 2023 9:10 pm

That's no yoke!

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9805 Post by jimtherev » Tue May 30, 2023 10:11 pm

If it was, 'twas a pretty fowl one.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9806 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Tue May 30, 2023 10:28 pm

Well, you're the eggspurt messenger on things with wings o:-)

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9807 Post by ricardian » Tue May 30, 2023 10:58 pm

Misheard a long time ago in the Middle East "Remember to remove the skins from your peanuts!"
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9808 Post by ricardian » Thu Jun 01, 2023 6:51 pm

People who suffer from multiple personality syndrome should be obliged to donate at least one of them to someone who doesn't have one.
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9809 Post by ricardian » Thu Jun 01, 2023 7:40 pm

Teacher: Your shoes are on the wrong feet.
4 yr old: ??
Teacher: You've put your shoes on the wrong feet!
4 yr old: But I don't have any other feet.
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9810 Post by ricardian » Thu Jun 01, 2023 8:32 pm

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9811 Post by Ex-Ascot » Fri Jun 02, 2023 5:06 am

No it is not me.
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'Yes, Madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.' Sir Winston Churchill.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9812 Post by Woody » Sat Jun 03, 2023 8:04 am

Should this go on here or elsewhere?

When all else fails, read the instructions.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9813 Post by ricardian » Sat Jun 03, 2023 11:03 am

Why is nobody ever the right amount of whelmed?
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9814 Post by ricardian » Sun Jun 04, 2023 10:30 pm

So,there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest, kind of upset because he doesn't want to be yellow. Life would be easier if he was brown or green like the other toads. He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing. Any way, this yellow toad bumps into a Fairy Godmother, like you do, and he begs her; "Fairy Godmother please make me green like the other toads. I am tired of being so visible to predators and such."
The Fairy Godmother whips out her magic wand and says "Abracapokus! You're green."
The toad looks down and sees that he is green except for his package, which is still yellow.
He says to the Fairy Godmother "Wait a minute; my meat & two veg are still yellow."
To this the Fairy Godmother said, "I don't do willies, go and see the Wizard Of Oz for that. The toad thanks her and hops off on his way.
There also happens to be a purple bear wandering around in the very same forest, must be one of those enchanted forests and he encounters the very same Fairy Godmother.
He implores her; "Fairy Godmother, please make me brown like the other bears. None of the lady bears want to be seen with me on account of the hunters can spot me from a mile off."
She being a nice Fairy Godmother, takes out her magic wand and says, "You're brown."
The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown with the exception of the old twig and berries, they remain purple.
He says, "What about my wedding tackle, they're still purple!
She says, "I don't do genitals, you will have to see the Wizard of Oz for that."
To this the bear replies, "Well that's just dandy but how do I find the Wizard of Oz?"
The Fairy Godmother answers; "That's easy, just follow the yellow prick toad."
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9815 Post by PHXPhlyer » Sun Jun 04, 2023 10:37 pm

We need a rimshot emoji with sound!

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9816 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Sun Jun 04, 2023 11:12 pm

rimshot.gif
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9817 Post by PHXPhlyer » Sun Jun 04, 2023 11:18 pm

Thanks.
Halfway there.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9818 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Sun Jun 04, 2023 11:52 pm


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Re: Friday Jokes

#9819 Post by Ex-Ascot » Mon Jun 05, 2023 12:18 pm

An old one but still funny.

'Yes, Madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.' Sir Winston Churchill.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9820 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Mon Jun 05, 2023 1:08 pm

My parents had a record of Gerard Hoffnung reciting the same tale (and others) at the Oxford Union in 1958. It's about twice as long.
I listened to it many times to improve my public speaking - especially pace, timing of pauses, and change of tone.



He manages to get about 3 laughs for every joke - two anticipatory and one when he actually delivers the line.

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