Friday Jokes

[Hydromet]

Llondel, do they decorate the crema on your coffee like this at the dog shows?

371460886_9858010620937199_6560243497539835048_n.jpg (10.42 KiB) Viewed 1101 times

[Karearea]

Q. How many [political party] supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None... Government says it's done and everyone claps in the dark.

[Karearea]

" Sometimes I shock myself with the smart stuff I say & do.

Then, there are times when I try to get out of the car with my seatbelt on "

[Rwy in Sight]

" Sometimes I shock myself with the smart stuff I say & do.

Then, there are times when I try to get out of the car with my seatbelt on "

A person I know had excel his driving test only to get s fa when he did just that

[ricardian]

Russ Buttacovoli, an 80-year-old Italian goes to the doctor for a check-up.
The doctor is amazed at what good shape the man is in and asks, “How do you stay in such great physical condition?”
“I'm Italian and I am a golfer,” says Russ, “and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a glass of vino, and all is well.”
“Well” says the doctor, “I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?”
“Who said he was dead?”
The doctor is amazed. “You mean you're 80 years old and your father's still alive. How old is he?”
“He's 100 years old,” says Russ. “In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had a little vino and that's why he's still alive. He's Italian and he's a golfer, too.”
“'Well,” the doctor says, “That's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your father's father? How old was he when he died?”
“Who said my Nonno's dead?”
Stunned, the doctor asks, “You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! Incredible, how old is he?”
“He's 118 years old,” says the Old Italian golfer.
The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, “So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?”
“No, Nonno couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today.”
At this point the doctor is close to losing it. “Getting married? Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?”
“Who said he wanted to?”

[llondel]

So what time is the moon supposed to turn blue? And how long will it last?

[G-CPTN]

Being made of cheese (as evryone kno), it will only be a matter of time before it turns blue.

[PHXPhlyer]

But of which variety?

Blue cheeses
Ädelost[1]
Aura cheese
Beenleigh Blue
Bleu Bénédictin[2]
Bleu d'Auvergne[3]
Bleu de Bresse[4]
Bleu de Gex
Bleu des Causses
Bleu du Vercors-Sassenage
Bleuchâtel
Blue Cheshire
Brighton Blue
Buxton Blue
Cabrales cheese
Cambozola
Carré d'Aurillac
Cashel Blue
Castello
Cherni Vit
Danish Blue Cheese
Dolcelatte
Dorset Blue Vinney
Dovedale cheese
Dragon's Breath Blue
Fourme d'Ambert
Fourme de Montbrison
Gamalost[5]
Gorgonzola
Kariki Tinou
Lanark Blue
Lymeswold cheese
Maytag Blue cheese[6]
Niva [cs]
Norbury Blue[7]
Oxford Blue[8]
Picón Bejes-Tresviso
Rokpol
Roquefort
Saga[9]
Saint Agur Blue
Shropshire Blue
Stichelton
Stilton cheese
Valdeón cheese
Wensleydale cheese[10]
Yorkshire Blue

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_blue_cheeses

PP

[Karearea]

What a friend we have in cheeses...

[Hydromet]

Blessed be the cheesmakers...

[llondel]

You forgot the Norwegian Blue.

No... wait, I'm getting my Python sketches confused.

[Pontius Navigator]

And Blue Cheshire

[ricardian]

Have you heard about the RAF's new Top Secret bakery? You really shouldn't have because it's on a knead to dough basis.

[G-CPTN]

knead to dough basis

[Woody]

[ricardian]

I've just watched a programme about beavers. It was the best dam documentary I've ever seen!

[Hydromet]

Pornography is no use to me, I don't have a pornogram to play it on.

[Karearea]

Official conversion chart: How to interpret antique car ads

Rare model: ..............Nobody liked them when new either
Older restoration: .......Can't tell it's been restored
Needs engine work: .....It's been frozen for 30 years
Uses no oil: ...............Just throws it out
No rust: ....................Body and fenders missing
Rough:..................... It's too bad to lie about
One owner: ...............Never been able to sell
No time to complete: ...Can't find parts anywhere
Needs interior: ...........Seats are gone
Rebuilt engine: ...........Has new spark plugs
May run: ...................But it never has
Low mileage: .............Third time around
Many new parts: .........Keeps breaking down
29 coats hand-rubbed paint: Needed that much to cover rust
Clean: ......................It sat out in the rain yesterday
Best offer: ................About what I expect to get
Always driven slowly: ...Won't go any faster
Prize-winner: .............Hard-luck trophy 3 times in a row
Stored 25 years: .........Under a tree
Real show-stopper: ......Orange with purple fenders
Easy restoration: .........Parts will come off in your hand
Ready to show: ..........Just washed it
Top good: ..................Only leaks when it rains
Good investment: ........Can't depreciate any more

[CharlieOneSix]

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[Ex-Ascot]

No Bots don't get this one