Friday Jokes
- Woody
- Chief Pilot
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- Age: 59
Re: Friday Jokes
When all else fails, read the instructions.
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5993
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- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous Destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop: 'I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer.'
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were off!
About a month later the little old lady came in to the agency. 'And how did you like your holiday?' he asked eagerly.
'The flight was exciting and the room was lovely,' she said. 'I've come to thank you but, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old man that I had to share the room with?'
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were off!
About a month later the little old lady came in to the agency. 'And how did you like your holiday?' he asked eagerly.
'The flight was exciting and the room was lovely,' she said. 'I've come to thank you but, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old man that I had to share the room with?'
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
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visitstronsay.com
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-
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5993
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
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- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
My friend told his 5 yr old daughter that when she lies her eyes turn a different colour. Now she squeezes her eyes shut every time she lies which has made the her job a whole lot easier!
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
-
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5993
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
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- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Three old Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside the nursing home when an old Grandpa walked by.
One of the old Grandmas yelled out, 'Hey, we bet we can tell exactly how old you are!'
The old man said, 'There is no way you can guess my age!’
One of the Grandmas said, 'Sure we can! Just drop your pants and undershorts and we can tell your exact age.'
Embarrassed, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and then jump up and down several times.
Determined to prove them wrong, he did it.
Then they all said in unison, 'You're 87-years-old!'
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, 'How in the world did you guess my age?'
Slapping their knees, high-fiving, and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily crowed.....
'We were at your birthday party yesterday!'
One of the old Grandmas yelled out, 'Hey, we bet we can tell exactly how old you are!'
The old man said, 'There is no way you can guess my age!’
One of the Grandmas said, 'Sure we can! Just drop your pants and undershorts and we can tell your exact age.'
Embarrassed, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and then jump up and down several times.
Determined to prove them wrong, he did it.
Then they all said in unison, 'You're 87-years-old!'
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, 'How in the world did you guess my age?'
Slapping their knees, high-fiving, and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily crowed.....
'We were at your birthday party yesterday!'
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5993
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
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- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
-
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5993
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
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- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
They start 'em young up here!
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
-
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5993
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
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- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Blindingly obvious observation #2,323,342:
Records show that Julius Caesar never once said "thank you" in his life. This most likely to be due to the fact that he couldn't speak English.
Records show that Julius Caesar never once said "thank you" in his life. This most likely to be due to the fact that he couldn't speak English.
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
- Fox3WheresMyBanana
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 13249
- Joined: Thu Sep 03, 2015 9:51 pm
- Location: Great White North
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- Age: 61
Re: Friday Jokes
People whose parents didn't speak English
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5993
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
My new car has a button for almost everything you can think of, there's even one marked "rear wiper" but I'm still too afraid to try that one
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
-
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5993
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
The Eternal Shoppling List argument...
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
- Fox3WheresMyBanana
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 13249
- Joined: Thu Sep 03, 2015 9:51 pm
- Location: Great White North
- Gender:
- Age: 61
Re: Friday Jokes
Right up there with the Mitsubishi Pajero
..which was rapidly renamed the Montero for the Americas market, since Pajero is Spanish slang for W@nker.
..which was rapidly renamed the Montero for the Americas market, since Pajero is Spanish slang for W@nker.
Re: Friday Jokes
Reminds me of when I was working for Tektronix. We did a range of TV studio and transmission test equipment. Released a new product - a Vertical Interval Test Signal generator VITS, which apparently is quite rude in France.
Rev Mother Bene Gesserit.
Sent from my PDP11/05 running RSX-11D via an ASR33 (TTY)
Sent from my PDP11/05 running RSX-11D via an ASR33 (TTY)
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5993
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
A seasonal offering:
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
Re: Friday Jokes
Don't tell my mother that I am a pilot.
She thinks I play piano in a brothel.
PP
She thinks I play piano in a brothel.
PP
- Opsboi
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 2754
- Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2015 5:37 pm
- Location: Watching LHR D-09 E
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Re: Friday Jokes
Wasn't Tektronix in GCI up by the airport?
- Opsboi
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 2754
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Re: Friday Jokes
- Woody
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 10281
- Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2015 6:33 pm
- Location: Sir Kenny Dalglish Stand
- Age: 59
Re: Friday Jokes
Why are the pyramids in Egypt?
Because they are too big to fit in the British Museum.
Because they are too big to fit in the British Museum.
When all else fails, read the instructions.
-
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5993
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
-
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5993
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER