Friday Jokes
Re: Friday Jokes
Our old cat, Claude, (because he did) preferred Sir.
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Pinky the pilot
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Re: Friday Jokes
The Pinky Household Cat will answer to "Your Majesty."
You only live twice. Once when you're born. Once when you've looked death in the face.
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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes
Bloke in the pub: I bet my wife a pound that I wouldn't buy another fishing rod. She wins a pound, I get a new fishing rod, everybody's happy.
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
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Woody
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Re: Friday Jokes
British seasons:
Spring: Two months
Summer: Eight minutes
Autumn: Three weeks
Winter: Seven years
Spring: Two months
Summer: Eight minutes
Autumn: Three weeks
Winter: Seven years
When all else fails, read the instructions.
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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes
My friend's wife said that he should be more in touch with his feminine side so he crashed the car and ignored her all day for no reason.
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
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Fox3WheresMyBanana
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Re: Friday Jokes
Canadian seasons:
Nearly Winter
Winter
Still Winter
Construction*
*AKA Mosquitos
Nearly Winter
Winter
Still Winter
Construction*
*AKA Mosquitos
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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
Re: Friday Jokes
A guy bought the contents of a long disused building where vermin had been living and set up a business making ***** screwdrivers.
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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes
Back in the good old days
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes
Wife: Does this dress make me look fat?
Husband: Does this tie make me look bald?
Wife: But you are bald.
Husband: I reserve the right not to incriminate myself...
Husband: Does this tie make me look bald?
Wife: But you are bald.
Husband: I reserve the right not to incriminate myself...
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes
If you cannot think of the correct word for something, just say "I forget the English word for it" and people will think that you're bilingual instead of an idiot.
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
Re: Friday Jokes
My latest buy, was a dog from the local blacksmith, as soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door.
Re: Friday Jokes
As I've said before: This site needs a "Rimshot Emoji". 
PP
PP
Re: Friday Jokes
Tishboom!
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Fox3WheresMyBanana
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Re: Friday Jokes
..and a banging-head-against-brick-wall emoji
- headbang.gif (167.64 KiB) Viewed 425 times
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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes
This was the forerunner of Google in my school days.
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
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ricardian
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5993
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
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Re: Friday Jokes
The next James Bond film will be made to satisfy the woke brigade. Bond will start off as a man and then transgender to a woman.
The film will be called "Cocktopussy".
The film will be called "Cocktopussy".
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
Re: Friday Jokes
The light turned yellow, just in front of him.
He did the right thing and stopped at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman behind him was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.
The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.
He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.
She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, giving the guy in front of you the finger and cursing at him.
I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' licence plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally ......
I assumed you had stolen the car.''
PP
He did the right thing and stopped at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman behind him was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.
The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.
He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.
She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, giving the guy in front of you the finger and cursing at him.
I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' licence plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally ......
I assumed you had stolen the car.''
PP