Friday Jokes

[ricardian]

Here's a brutally honest card

[AtomKraft]

My wife recently had a phone call from her friend.

Her chum said that the police had fished an unidentified female body out of the river near her house, the body was described as fat, ugly and with a fanny like the top of a Wellington boot. Just phoning to check you're ok, she said....

[ricardian]

[Boac]

GDPR.png (174.99 KiB) Viewed 651 times

[ricardian]

[OFSO]

Post 2544 - German doctor in local Spanish town used to come out of surgery and call the name of next patient (and judge state of health by walk down corridor). Has now told patients due to data protection he isn't allowed to do this any more.

Mayors in France are prohibited under the same law from telling charities such as the Lions Club which families are poor and which kids would appreciate Christmas presents.

[FD2]

These dogs have no sense of occasion!!

[FD2]

The Date.png (321.38 KiB) Viewed 607 times

[ricardian]

[Boac]

I used to think I was just a regular person, but I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a racist.

I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which by today's standards, makes me a fascist.

I am heterosexual, which now makes me a homophobe.

I am mostly non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.

I was christened by my parents, which now labels me as an infidel.

I am retired, which makes me useless.

I think and I reason, therefore I doubt much that the main stream media tells me, which must make me a reactionary.

I am proud of my heritage, which makes me a xenophobe.

I value my safety and that of my family and I appreciate the police and the legal system, which makes me a right-wing extremist.

I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual's merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist.

I (and most of the folks I know), acquired a fair education without student loan debts and little or no debt, which makes me some kind of an odd underachiever.

I believe in the defence and protection of my country and I honour those who served in the Armed Forces, which now makes me a right wing-militant.

Please help me come to terms with the new me... because I'm just not sure who the hell I am any-more!

Funny ...it's all just taken place over the last 10 to 15 years!

As if all this nonsense wasn't enough to deal with ... now I'm not even sure which toilet to go into!

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

MPs have voted to honour the Referendum and leave the EU...





...April Fool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Boac]

Fox - even in Canada you are past 1200.........

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

It's all day here

[ribrash]

[Boac]

It's all day here

- huh! That's what liberalism does for you

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Politicians are an all day, every day joke these days.
And we have Liberalism, which has nothing in common with liberalism except the spelling.
By the end of the year, however, things may be quite different, here at least.

Back on theme:
Q: What's the difference between a Liberal and a puppy?

A: The puppy stops whining when it grows up.

[Boac]

"liberalism", distorted by Americans, who mainly associate with its being left-wing on the political scale, disregarding the original and correct sense of the word.

[4mastacker]

"liberalism", distorted by Americans, ............., disregarding the original and correct sense of the word.

What word hasn't suffered the same fate?

[Hydromet]

As an Australian travelling in the USA I feel free to tell this riddle without accusations of racism.

Q. What's the difference between an Australian and a canoe?

A. A canoe will tip.

[ricardian]

They asked: What do you think, of ethnic minorities.
I answered: Dare not say.
They Asked: What do you think, of coloured people.
I answered: Dare not say.
They asked: What do you think, about the disabled.
I answered: Dare not say,
They asked: What do you think, of comics making jokes about these things.
I answered: Dare not say.
They asked: What do you think, of political correctness.
I answered: Dare not say.
They asked: What do you think, of Muslims.
I answered: Dare not say,
They asked: What do you think, of the government.
I answered: Dare not say.
They asked: What do you think, about asylum seekers.
I answered: Dare not say.
They asked: What do you think of Catholics.
I answered: Dare not say.
They asked: What do you think of Jews.
I answered: Dare not say.
They asked: What do you think of religion
I answered: Dare not say.
They asked: What do you think, is the best part of being British.
Oh! That’s an easy question to answer. I replied,
‘Freedom of speech’