Friday Jokes

[Wodrick]

What is the punch line ?

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Given Ricardian's mammoth contributions to this thread, and it's practically his home on Ops, I'm happy to indulge a picture of his real home.

As for punchlines..."Finally, a Whitehall everyone can appreciate!"

[Opsboi]

Looks neat and tidy and, warming up nicely this time of year. Not many trees!

Agreed, but as jokes go - hmmm

[ricardian]

Whitehall village, the harbour & Papa Stronsay basking in the sun today (Wed 20 Mar).

(Photo taken from the Islander by Marion Miller)

Sorry folks, wrong forum!

[ricardian]

Precocious Child: "Mummy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?"
Mother: "I've got to do that or Daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."
PC: "I don't think that's going to work."
M: "Why not?"
PC: "Because Mrs Jones from next door keeps blowing him back up every Tuesday when you're on duty at the club."

[ricardian]

Patient has just been given bad news about his prognosis.
Patient: "Doctor, just how long do I have to live?"
Doctor: "Five..."
Patient: "Five what? Days, weeks, months?"
Doctor: "Four, three,...

[Hydromet]

Klu Klux Klansman goes to the doc to get his test results. Doc says "Sorry, I have bad news and worse news. Which do yo want first?" KKKman asks for the bad news first. "You're going to die." says the doc. "Jeez," says the klansman, "What's the worse news?"

"You have sickle cell anaemia." says the doc.

[ExSp33db1rd]

He outlived the squash player (both in their 50s).

I recall as a young co-pilot often flying with a couple of Captains in their late 40’s who exercised daily when down the route. One would occasionally ask me to check him into the hotel and take his luggage, and he would then run to the hotel from the airport !

Neither of them made retirement age, 55 in those days.

A Flight Engineer once said after landing … As soon as we reach the hotel I’m going to climb to and maintain 2 feet horizontal. He had the right idea.

[llondel]

We had a contest at work for the best neckwear.

It was a tie.

[llondel]

A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with you."
After much thought and consideration, the man finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases.
He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.
Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two pillow cases stuffed with cash.
"Oh, that darned old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement."

[Woody]

[OFSO]

True:
Every time, every day, I have to give name, birthday, and home post code in the room to make sure the radiotherapy machine is set for the right person.
This morning they forgot to ask.
Me: you forgot to ask my name !
Operator (sweet girl from New Zealand): ok, tell me your name....
Me: no I won't...
Girl: oh go on, R----, tell me...

I told the oncologist today that in contrast to my forebodings, the sessions are lots of laughs.....

[ricardian]

A stingy millionaire stipulated in his will that his wife must bury him with all his money in the coffin.
After the funeral his wife's friend asked "You didn't really bury him with all his money did you?"
"Oh yes, I did!" she replied. "I wrote a cheque and stuffed it into his shroud."

[bob2s]

I think the new James Bond should be a woman. Just think how great it would be. Great cars, huge explosions and massive accidents.
Just all that while parking the car. Standing by for incoming!

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

41134-Who-Said-That-Women-Cant-Park-539436557.jpg (129.2 KiB) Viewed 524 times

[Pinky the pilot]

Those will be the final posts from bob2s and Fox3WheresMyBanana.

The Funerals will be held on a day to be advised. I'm told that the Coffins will be closed.


(The above shamelessly pinched from elsewhere)

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Fox3's Last Words
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGHHHHHH!!"

[llondel]

Only wearing one glove today. The weather forecast says it's going to be cold, but on the other hand it may be warm.

[bob2s]

Those will be the final posts from bob2s and Fox3WheresMyBanana.

The Funerals will be held on a day to be advised. I'm told that the Coffins will be closed.


(The above shamelessly pinched from elsewhere)

Till then I will live dangerously!
https://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/upl ... g-only.jpg

[Ex-Ascot]

Dinner time.