Friday Jokes

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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes

#7881 Post by ricardian » Fri Nov 12, 2021 8:06 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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Re: Friday Jokes

#7882 Post by ricardian » Sat Nov 13, 2021 3:05 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7883 Post by ricardian » Sat Nov 13, 2021 8:41 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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Re: Friday Jokes

#7884 Post by ricardian » Sun Nov 14, 2021 8:36 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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Re: Friday Jokes

#7885 Post by Ex-Ascot » Mon Nov 15, 2021 4:34 pm

ricardian wrote:
Sun Nov 14, 2021 8:36 pm
4 brothers
No we do not get that one.

Edit. worked it out.
'Yes, Madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.' Sir Winston Churchill.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7886 Post by Pontius Navigator » Mon Nov 15, 2021 4:49 pm

:YMAPPLAUSE:
Ex-Ascot wrote:
Mon Nov 15, 2021 4:34 pm
ricardian wrote:
Sun Nov 14, 2021 8:36 pm
4 brothers
No we do not get that one.

Edit. worked it out.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7887 Post by bob2s » Mon Nov 15, 2021 9:09 pm


ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes

#7888 Post by ricardian » Mon Nov 15, 2021 11:17 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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Re: Friday Jokes

#7889 Post by Alisoncc » Tue Nov 16, 2021 1:16 am

ricardian wrote:
Mon Nov 15, 2021 11:17 pm
Easy mistake to make
Reminds me of

Wife texting: Windows won't open.
Husband replies: Try gently pouring some boiling water around the edges.
Wife: Lots of flashing sparks and blue smoke coming out of computer now
.
Rev Mother Bene Gesserit.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7890 Post by emjay » Wed Nov 17, 2021 6:53 am

I guess it works if the dog is well trained...
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Re: Friday Jokes

#7891 Post by Pontius Navigator » Wed Nov 17, 2021 8:11 am

And on cruise ships pointing to the toilets

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7892 Post by Ex-Ascot » Wed Nov 17, 2021 10:42 am

Blind drunk?
'Yes, Madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.' Sir Winston Churchill.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7893 Post by Woody » Wed Nov 17, 2021 11:40 am

Image
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Re: Friday Jokes

#7894 Post by EA01 » Wed Nov 17, 2021 12:16 pm

Ah, Woody, my Wife's all time favourite Gary Larson comic from the late 1980's! - Midvale school for the Gifted

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7895 Post by Ex-Ascot » Wed Nov 17, 2021 12:26 pm

Gary Larson was the best. He retired young because he said that he had run out of ideas. There was a Far Side shop in DC. Books, mugs, tee shirts etc.
'Yes, Madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.' Sir Winston Churchill.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7896 Post by Boac » Wed Nov 17, 2021 2:51 pm

This thread could rival TGG's music postings......................
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Re: Friday Jokes

#7897 Post by ricardian » Wed Nov 17, 2021 2:57 pm

Buttock Tattoo Terror Lands Rotherham Pair In Hospital

A furious row has broken out between a local tattoo artist and his client after what started out as a routine inking session left both of them requiring emergency hospital treatment.
Furious film fan and part-time plus-size XXXL model Tracey Munter (23), had visited the 'Ink It Good' Tattoo Emporium in Wellgate, Yorkshire last week, to have the finishing touches applied to a double buttock representation of the chariot race scene from the iconic 1959 film, Ben Hur.
Tattooist Jason Burns takes up the story.
"It was a big job in more ways than one", he told us "I'd just lit a roll-up and was finishing off a centurions helmet. It's delicate, close up work.
Next thing is, I sense a slight ripple in the buttock cleavage area just around Charlton Heston's whip, and a hissing sound – more of a whoosh than a rasp –
and before I know what's happening, there's a flame shooting from her arse to my fag and my beards gone up like an Aussie bush fire."
Jason says he rushed to the studio sink to quell the flames, only to turn round and see Tracey frantically fanning her buttock area with a damp towel.
The flames had travelled down the gas cloud and set fire to her thong which was smoking like a cheap firework.
"To be honest", said Jason, "I didn't even realize she was wearing one. You'd need a sodding mining licence and a torch to find out for sure.
She could have had a complete wardrobe in there and I'd have been none the wiser."
Jason and Tracey were taken to Rotherham District Hospital accident and emergency department where they were treated for minor burns and shock.
Both are adamant that the other is to blame.
"I'm furious" said Jason, "I've got a face like a mange-ridden dog and my left eyebrow's not there any more.
I don't know about Ben Hur – Gone With The Wind would be more appropriate. You don't just let rip in someone's face like that. It's dangerous."
But Tracey remains both angry and unrepentant.
"I'm still in agony," she said, "and Charlton Heston looks more like Sidney bloody Poitier now.
Jason shouldn't have had a fag on the go when he's doing close up work, there's no way I'd guff on purpose.
He'd had me on all fours for nearly an hour. I can only put up with that for so long before nature takes its course
My Kev knows that I give him my five-second warning, and I'd have done the same for Jason, but I didn't get chance – it just quietly crept out."
Ted Walters from the South Yorkshire Fire and Rescue service wasn't surprised when we asked him to comment on what had happened.
"People just don't appreciate the dangers," he told us. "We get more call outs to flatulence ignition incidents than kitchen fires these days now that people have moved over to oven chips.
We have a slogan 'Flame 'n fart – keep 'em apart'. Anyone engaging in an arse-inking scenario would do well to bear that in mind in the future.
On behalf of the entire Fire and Rescue service, we wish them both a swift recovery."
You couldn't make this up if you tried!
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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Re: Friday Jokes

#7898 Post by Opsboi » Wed Nov 17, 2021 2:58 pm

Image

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7899 Post by Woody » Wed Nov 17, 2021 3:29 pm

Oh I’m so stealing that one Ricardian =))
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Re: Friday Jokes

#7900 Post by CharlieOneSix » Wed Nov 17, 2021 3:50 pm

ricardian wrote:
Wed Nov 17, 2021 2:57 pm
..........part-time plus-size XXXL model Tracey Munter (23).......
She's 28 years old now.......:D
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