Friday Jokes

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Hydromet
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9721 Post by Hydromet » Thu May 11, 2023 1:28 am

345835444_109348375481800_9008503289739701210_n.jpg

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9722 Post by Pontius Navigator » Thu May 11, 2023 10:56 am

From the Telegraph obituary :
Ron Roddan
Athletics coach who took Linford Christie in hand and guided the sprinter to Olympic gold

RON RODDAN, who has died aged 91,


Would that have been his lunch box?

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9723 Post by ricardian » Thu May 11, 2023 9:02 pm

My friend has just bought his wife a pony. She calls her Mayo and sometimes Mayo neighs.
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9724 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Thu May 11, 2023 9:13 pm

"Wanna go to the Moscow May Day Parade?"

" No Tanks"

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9725 Post by ricardian » Fri May 12, 2023 6:01 pm

Friend: What was that noise?
Me: My shirt fell.
Friend: It sounded a lot louder than that.
Me: I was in it at the time!
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9726 Post by Hydromet » Fri May 12, 2023 11:51 pm

345593667_701977625018903_3247446672276601052_n.jpg
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9727 Post by ricardian » Sat May 13, 2023 9:33 am

Comment from an American visitor in the UK:
Good grief, they eat panda sausages in London! I was in a butcher's shop in south London and the lady in front of me bought two.
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9728 Post by Boac » Sat May 13, 2023 10:21 am

Make of this what you will Panda sausages

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9729 Post by Woody » Sat May 13, 2023 10:26 am

Image
When all else fails, read the instructions.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9730 Post by Ex-Ascot » Sat May 13, 2023 10:34 am

Woody, I posted that not long ago on caption competition.
'Yes, Madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.' Sir Winston Churchill.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9731 Post by Woody » Sat May 13, 2023 10:44 am

Ex-Ascot wrote:
Sat May 13, 2023 10:34 am
Woody, I posted that not long ago on caption competition.
Knew that I’d seen it somewhere before :D
When all else fails, read the instructions.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9732 Post by ricardian » Sat May 13, 2023 10:57 am

"Machines will soon be as smart as people."
OK, but which people?
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9733 Post by tango15 » Sat May 13, 2023 11:14 am

Woody wrote:
Sat May 13, 2023 10:26 am
Image
An eight-year-old girl went to the office with her father on 'Take Your Child to Work Day'.
As they were walking around the office, the young girl started crying and became very upset.
Her father asked what was wrong with her.
As the concerned staff gathered around, she sobbed loudly: "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?"

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9734 Post by Hydromet » Sat May 13, 2023 12:10 pm

Not a joke, sorry for the thread drift.
Mrs H. used to drop our 4 yo daughter to the office sometimes late in the afternoon, and the girl who did out data entry and other stuff used to let her play on the computer, driving the plotter & so on. Fast forward nearly 20 years, daughter is working at her first job as a software engineer. Gets assigned to a project as client liaison. Data entry girl is now her opposite number working for the client.
You may now resume normal service.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9735 Post by ricardian » Sat May 13, 2023 2:17 pm

My friend kept a few goats on some land that her father owned. She tried to teach her goats to pee in just one particular spot by giving them treats whenever they peed in that spot. Alas, the goats now think that whenever they pee they get a treat; moreover, whenever they see my friend they pee!
Pavlov is laughing in his grave!
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9736 Post by OFSO » Sat May 13, 2023 3:10 pm

#9732 I have a clockwork wind-up toy that's smarter than Liz Truss.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9737 Post by PHXPhlyer » Sat May 13, 2023 6:41 pm

ricardian wrote:
Sat May 13, 2023 9:33 am
Comment from an American visitor in the UK:
Good grief, they eat panda sausages in London! I was in a butcher's shop in south London and the lady in front of me bought two.
? :-? :-??

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9738 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Sat May 13, 2023 7:11 pm

Two pounds of sausages, in a sarf lunnun accent, is "two panda sausages"

'Only Fools and Horses' has some quite good Sarf Lunnun accents.

Those born south of the river tend to speak with a very open mouth, so "ou" becomes "aa" or "ar"
Norf of the river, the mouth tends to be slightly pouted, so "ou" becomes "or"

For both, "th" tends to be pronounced as an "f".
"of" tends to become an "-a" added to the previous word.

End of electrocution lessun, as Del Boy would say ;)))

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9739 Post by Pontius Navigator » Sat May 13, 2023 7:12 pm

PHXPhlyer wrote:
Sat May 13, 2023 6:41 pm
ricardian wrote:
Sat May 13, 2023 9:33 am
Comment from an American visitor in the UK:
Good grief, they eat panda sausages in London! I was in a butcher's shop in south London and the lady in front of me bought two.
? :-? :-??

PP
Me too

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9740 Post by PHXPhlyer » Sat May 13, 2023 7:23 pm

Thanks Fox.
Google wasn't any help and Google TranslateTM doesn't account for accent (yet).
I still have use for British to American English translator.

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