Friday Jokes

[Capetonian]

What did Rudolf say to his wife on Christmas Day? :
"I love you deerly."

[Magnus]

Said Shakespeare to Ophelia
"I shall draw a sketch of thee.
Now, which pencil shall I use,
2B, or not 2B?"

[ricardian]

[bob2s]

Jeremy Corbyn walked into a bank to cash a cheque
When he’s called over to the teller, he says, "Good morning, could you please cash this cheque for me?"


The teller replied, "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"


Corbyn said, "Truthfully, I didn’t bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I’m the leader of the Labour Party


The teller said, "Yes sir, I know who you are... but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors, forgers, and requirements of the legislation etc., I must insist on seeing ID."


Corbyn said, “Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they’ll tell you. Everybody knows who I am."


The teller said, "I’m sorry, Mr Corbyn, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them"


Getting a bit agitated, Corbyn snapped, “C'mon woman, I’m urging you, please, to cash this cheque.."


The teller said, "Look Mr Corbyn, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods, he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque.


"Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racket and made a fabulous shot where the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his cheque. So, Mr Corbyn, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you?"


Corbyn stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank... there’s nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do... and I don't have a clue."


With a big smile, the teller said, "Will that be large or small notes,

[ricardian]

Not in the Christmas spirit

[ribrash]

[Wodrick]

[Ex-Ascot]

Had a 'blind' guy here years ago who used to play his guitar outside a restaurant opposite the airport. He would bump into pillars for effect but would always look left and right before crossing the road.

[ricardian]

Advanced technology

[ricardian]

A real bargain not to be missed

[ricardian]

Topical!

[Hydromet]

Oh Ricardian, how naughty!

[ricardian]

Seasonal joke (almost)

[Capetonian]

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[OFSO]

Priceless !

[ricardian]

Reduced to just one dollar

[ricardian]

[Magnus]

"Revenge is sweet, and flavours all our dealings". Gilbert & Sullivan, although I'm not sure that's the scenario they had in mind......

[Ex-Ascot]

Our friend, the manager of the safari up river, just told us that a mate of his was at some traffic lights in JNB and a blind beggar stuck out his hand for money. He went to stub out his cigarette in proffered hand which moved very fast.

[ricardian]