Friday Jokes

[ribrash]

Stealer's Wheel have just re-released their greatest hit,with all profits going to Arrowe Park hospital.

Its called " Stuck in the Wirral with flu "

[Ex-Ascot]

Stealer's Wheel have just re-released their greatest hit,with all profits going to Arrowe Park hospital.

Its called " Stuck in the Wirral with flu "

Someone is going to have to explain this one to me. Actually us.

[Sisemen]

Stuck in the Middle with You.

[k3k3]

https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=ht ... egUIARDeAQ

[FD2]

Quarantined passengers from China were taken to a facility in the Wirral, Ex-Ascot.

[Rossian]

For FD2.....it's when you have to explain it that stops being as amusing as you thought it was at first. (It amused me anyway)

The Ancient Mariner

[G-CPTN]

For FD2.....it's when you have to explain it that stops being as amusing as you thought it was at first. (It amused me anyway)

For UK residents of a certain age (like me) it was apt and amusing.

[ricardian]

My friend has just put Rohypnol in his wife's tea. He doesn't want to shag her, he just wants a bit of peace & quiet.

[FD2]

Rossian - it amused me too but I was 'explaining' the joke to ex-A...

[Pontius Navigator]

For FD2.....it's when you have to explain it that stops being as amusing as you thought it was at first. (It amused me anyway)

The Ancient Mariner

Never got it, but then never heard them.

[Rossian]

My earlier post was similar to the other maxim re jokes "if you can't remember it don't dismember it".
Took our "borrowed" dog for an early walk around 0730. It was beautiful cool but no frost, gin clear, light cloud low on the horizon and no wind. Some poet wrote a line or two about the "rosy fingered dawn", the perfect description of this AM.

The Ancient Mariner

[ricardian]

[ricardian]

A thoughtful idea from a reader of Viz

[ricardian]

An interesting statement from a reader of Viz

[ricardian]

Bad day at work (worse day at home)

[ricardian]

One day Andy was rummaging through the collection of old photos in the attic, when he came across one that he hadn't seen in years. It was an old faded picture of his school friend, Eddie White. They had hung out together for most of their childhood years, but the school system sent them to different high schools, and that was the last they'd ever seen of each other. Andy wondered how Eddie was doing, and for the days and weeks that followed he just couldn't get Eddie out of his thoughts. He explained the waves of nostalgia that kept rolling over him to his neighbour one day, and his neighbour suggested that he take the time to look Eddie up. It took him months and months of careful research, but finally he traced him to a cotton mill. His parents had moved shortly after Andy and Eddie had started high school, and that was why they'd never seen each other all these years. Eddie had done well for himself. Andy learned that he had worked his way up to chief cotton buyer for the mill, and so with great anticipation Andy boarded the train to go see him.
The following day, he went into the reception area of the mill and asked the receptionist to inform Eddie that an old friend was waiting downstairs to see him. The receptionist simply smiled, and Andy's heart sank as she informed him that Mr. White had gone abroad to buy cotton for the mill, and he wouldn't be back for at least four weeks. It was a tremendous disappointment, but Andy said that he'd try again in four weeks. And that was how it went on and on.
Every time Andy went to the mill to see Eddie, he was informed that he'd just left to buy cotton for the mill. But one day, the receptionist took pity on him, and said to Andy, "Look, I've just spoken to Mr. White's secretary, and she assures me that he is very eager to meet you again after all these years, and that he'll definitely be in his office on the 18th of next month to see you. And he made that a very firm promise. He'll not go anywhere that day to buy cotton!"
So Andy had this assurance, the weeks went by, and the 18th came along. On that morning, Andy walked into the reception area with a spring in his step, when suddenly the receptionist's face told him that he'd be disappointed yet again.
"But this is dreadful," moaned Andy, "please don't tell me that he's gone off to buy more cotton. Every time, it's the same old thing. 'Mr. White isn't here right now. He's in Egypt buying cotton!'"
"Er, no," said the receptionist. "It's worse than that. You see, Mr. White dropped dead in the parking lot the other day."
“What?" cried Andy, "My friend Eddie, dead? I don't believe what I'm hearing!"
"I know how you must be feeling," sympathised the receptionist, "but perhaps you'd like to see the monument that the company set up over his grave. It's just across the road in that cemetery."
So Andy sadly dragged his tired feet over to the cemetery, and walked up to the huge black marble monument that was erected over Eddie's grave, and through his tears Andy began to read the magnificent gold lettering carved on the front of the monument:
"Here lies Eddie White
Gone, but not for cotton."

[OFSO]

That is appalling. Where's my valium ?

[Boac]

That needs thread of its own.

[Ex-Ascot]

Quarantined passengers from China were taken to a facility in the Wirral, Ex-Ascot.

Thank you FD2, know that it is just that I do not know any popular music. Only classical all my life. Heard of the Beatles and Rolling Stone and the Spice Girls but probably never heard their so called music.

[Pontius Navigator]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I wish.