Friday Jokes

[Pontius Navigator]

Or the same landlubber from the middle of the USA who thought Red Right blue Left was the best color code for hearing aids.

My current audiologist was utterly ignorant of the centuries old 'port red, starboard green' convention, and she was most surprised when I gently informed her.

Having odd shaped ear 'oles, I can easily see which one fits which ear without peering at the coloured dot.

Which raises another point. Not one audiologist has ever bothered to check the fit.
I went into the base hospital to blag a set of USN earplugs and the plastic tube on a chain. To my astonishment I was shown straight to a USN Cdr who asked what I wanted, checked my ears, then carefully measured each before giving me a pair.

[1DC]

When I asked an American mariner why they were arse about face on buoyage he said our way was too complicated and red on right returning was about as much as they could figure. Says it all really

[Pontius Navigator]

How did they manage to get out?

[FD2]

Low Pressure.jpg (19.67 KiB) Viewed 459 times

[ricardian]

For the Trekkies

[ricardian]

Or the same landlubber from the middle of the USA who thought Red Right blue Left was the best color code for hearing aids.

My current audiologist was utterly ignorant of the centuries old 'port red, starboard green' convention, and she was most surprised when I gently informed her.
Having odd shaped ear 'oles, I can easily see which one fits which ear without peering at the coloured dot.

No coloured dots on my NHS hearing aids, it's obvious from their shape which ear they go in. And even if they did have red/green coloured dots they would be of no use to me because I am colour blind.

[ricardian]

Danger of imitation

[ricardian]

My friend says that he just cannot understand the way his wife's mind works.
He asked her if she would mind if he had a tattoo and she said "No, go ahead."
Now she is complaining bitterly about all the bagpipers in the garden.

[ricardian]

Pushing the envelope

[Alisoncc]

actressBishop.jpg (57.83 KiB) Viewed 404 times

[ExSp33db1rd]

Not quite sure why these topics got into Jokes, but as they have .............

Why they even got the channel buoys the wrong way round.

When I asked an American mariner why they were arse about face on buoyage he said our way was too complicated and red on right returning was about as much as they could figure. Says it all really

Can't argue with that, but I was taught " There's a little red port left in the bottle on the way home " as the way to learn the UK system, i.e. red on the left when re-entering harbour, but then the USA's use the date the other way round as welll, e.g. month first, not day. Wot's wrong with Small ( Day ) Medium ( Month ) Large ( Year ) or is that too logical. Married to one ( a USA'er that is ) presents all sorts of problems in this household !

No coloured dots on my NHS hearing aids, it's obvious from their shape which ear they go in.

Was once obliged to use crutches of the modern, hand held, type, and the handles were shaped for left and right hands, but this wasn't immediately obvious, and Murphy ensured that one always picked the wrong one first, which meant getting out of a car, and other manouevres, was a challenge. I solved this by painting a large red and green dot on the relevant one.

[G-CPTN]

My aide-memoire is 'L(eft)-M-Port - and port(wine) is red' and 'R(ight)-S-Tarboard'.

[bob2s]

^
Easier to remember is the length of words for each group.Left group all short words LEFT,RED and PORT. Right group words are longer words RIGHT, GREEN
and STARBOARD

[Pontius Navigator]

Ah ha me he hearties, land on the lardboard bow.

Nay problem for young pilots, a big L on one glove and ...

[EA01]

Port to Port going to Port....

[fareastdriver]

[Nay problem for young pilots, a big L on one glove and ..]

When I was issued with my flying clothing in 1960 the left gauntlets were made by a different manufacturer than the right.

[Magnus]

When I was driving an Audi, I could only figure out whether it was locked by the single or double beep. "Lock" - one syllable, single beep, "Unlock" - two syllables, double beep. I'm not sure that's what the German engineers intended.

[Magnus]

[Nay problem for young pilots, a big L on one glove and ..]

When I was issued with my flying clothing in 1960 the left gauntlets were made by a different manufacturer than the right.

That was handy.

[OFSO]

I bought some shoes once in Germany, I think made in the DDR, which had the words RIGHT and LEFT moulded into the sole. They were made of "rubber" and ended up in the bin a week later.

[ian16th]

I bought some shoes once in Germany, I think made in the DDR, which had the words RIGHT and LEFT moulded into the sole. They were made of "rubber" and ended up in the bin a week later.

I bought some DDR 'agricultural quality' tyres in Gloucester market like that.

I had a new car on order, held up because of strike action! The car I was trading in and had a price agreed for, had tyres so bad, I simply was forced into buying 2.
So I went for the cheapest possible, and found these DDR things.

By the time my strike delayed new car was delivered, the DDR tyres were close to the legal limit!

Less than 2 weeks they lasted.