Friday Jokes

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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8541 Post by ricardian » Sat May 28, 2022 8:52 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8542 Post by G-CPTN » Sat May 28, 2022 9:42 pm

Reminds me of a bloke who bought a rat-infested building and started a business making rat-***** screwdrivers.

The original story is a long-drawn-out shaggy-dog tale involving tedious attempts to find a use for the mountains of droppings before finally settling on the solution.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8543 Post by OFSO » Sun May 29, 2022 3:44 pm

IMG-20220529-WA0000.jpg
IMG-20220529-WA0000.jpg (41.31 KiB) Viewed 807 times

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8544 Post by ricardian » Mon May 30, 2022 8:44 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8545 Post by ricardian » Wed Jun 01, 2022 10:48 am

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8546 Post by OFSO » Wed Jun 01, 2022 2:54 pm

An Englishmsn, a Scotsman and an Irishman are attending a course on surviving in the desert, and the instructor suggests they have found an old car and asks how they would use it.
The Englishman says he'd remove the coil and battery and try to build a primitive transmitter to summon help.
The Scotsman says he'd take off the windscreen washer bottle and drink the water.
The Irishman says he'd take the door. The instructor asks why? The Irishman replies "Well, if it gets too hot, I can wind the window down for some fresh air! "

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8547 Post by Karearea » Wed Jun 01, 2022 6:56 pm

Which looks better on the résumé ?

"Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents"

or,

"I changed a light-bulb"
And with the morn, those angel faces smile...

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8548 Post by Opsboi » Wed Jun 01, 2022 9:37 pm

Karearea wrote:
Wed Jun 01, 2022 6:56 pm
Which looks better on the résumé ?

"Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents"

or,

"I changed a light-bulb"
I can't help but feel you've underemphasised the crisis management aspect of this potentially hazardous situation

"Single-handedly analysed and diagnosed the cause of a potentially fatal compromised visibility situation; identified the optimum solution and managed the successful relaunch, upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents"

I'd definitely consider placing you on a shortlist of candidates to manage future unforeseen emergency scenarios, although your emphasis on 'Single-handedly' makes me rather uncomfortable vis a vis your future performance in a team-playing environment. However, I tick the box of being 'a gut-follower', so on this occasion I may just be tempted to leave my comfort zone, stick my head above the parapet and say 'Call me a tall poppy, but I might just take a punt on this guy'

It'd be good if you could change a light bulb, mind

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8549 Post by Karearea » Wed Jun 01, 2022 9:43 pm

^ :))
And with the morn, those angel faces smile...

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8550 Post by ricardian » Thu Jun 02, 2022 2:55 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8551 Post by ricardian » Thu Jun 02, 2022 6:06 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8552 Post by PHXPhlyer » Thu Jun 02, 2022 6:24 pm

ricardian wrote:
Thu Jun 02, 2022 6:06 pm
Unusual sign
They use the clown car from the circus.
That's how they can fit in.

PP

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8553 Post by ricardian » Thu Jun 02, 2022 8:33 pm

If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.
If you're almost there and then she laughs, that's a different story.
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8554 Post by ricardian » Fri Jun 03, 2022 2:02 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8555 Post by OFSO » Fri Jun 03, 2022 3:24 pm

"In war as in prostitution, the enthusiastic amateur is frequently more successful than the professional."
Napoleon Bonaparte.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8556 Post by ricardian » Sat Jun 04, 2022 4:02 pm

A midwife is walking past the hospital staffroom, when she hears two Indian doctors talking.
"I'm telling you it's wumba: W-U-M-B-A," says the first.
"No. It's woombaa: W-O-O-M-B-A-A," says the second.
"No, no, no. Wumba: W-U-M-B-A," says the first again.
At this the nurse pops her head through the door, "I think you'll find, gentlemen, it's WOMB: W-O-M-B."
The two doctors look blankly at her, until one of them says, "Madam. I doubt if you've ever even SEEN a water buffalo, let alone heard one break wind in a mudpool,".
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8557 Post by G-CPTN » Sat Jun 04, 2022 5:47 pm

In my time it was an elephant pharting.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8558 Post by Opsboi » Sat Jun 04, 2022 6:46 pm

G-CPTN wrote:
Sat Jun 04, 2022 5:47 pm
In my time it was an elephant pharting.
In my time it was 2 African doctors

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8559 Post by Magnus » Sun Jun 05, 2022 7:36 am

2 African doctors farting in a mud pool? Any documentary evidence for this?

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8560 Post by Mole » Sun Jun 05, 2022 7:12 pm

IMG-20220605-WA0001.jpg

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