Friday Jokes

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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes

#5561 Post by ricardian » Fri Aug 07, 2020 2:22 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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Re: Friday Jokes

#5562 Post by ricardian » Fri Aug 07, 2020 2:26 pm

Did you know that "dog food lid" spelt backwards is "dildo of god"?
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Re: Friday Jokes

#5563 Post by ricardian » Fri Aug 07, 2020 2:39 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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Re: Friday Jokes

#5564 Post by ricardian » Fri Aug 07, 2020 9:03 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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Re: Friday Jokes

#5565 Post by OFSO » Sat Aug 08, 2020 10:36 am

In a rather bizarre accident last week, my cousin was run over by her own car as she disembarked. She found it highly amusing when I asked if she had at least got the name of the driver...

(Not seriously hurt.)

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Re: Friday Jokes

#5566 Post by Boac » Sat Aug 08, 2020 11:29 am

Will she sue?

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Re: Friday Jokes

#5567 Post by CharlieOneSix » Sat Aug 08, 2020 12:11 pm

A vicar of several rural parishes was driving back to his vicarage one night after calling at parishioners' houses. It was very dark and he was feeling tired.

As he rounded a bend on the winding country lane he suddenly saw a cyclist right in front of him. He slammed on the brakes and hauled the steering wheel over to the right. The cyclist was understandably shocked by this sudden threat, as the car missed him by inches. He swerved to the left, hit an embankment and fell off.

The vicar jumped out of the car to check that the cyclist was alright. The cyclist picked himself up, dusted himself down and declared himself to be unhurt. However, it was too dark to properly tell the state of the bike.

The vicar promised to pay for the cost of any damage and gave the cyclist one of his visiting cards, which had his name and phone number on it. When the cyclist got home he looked at the card and was somewhat perturbed when he read:

‘Sorry to have missed you. I will try again tomorrow.’
The helicopter pilots' mantra: If it hasn't gone wrong then it's just about to...
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Re: Friday Jokes

#5568 Post by ricardian » Sat Aug 08, 2020 12:56 pm

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Re: Friday Jokes

#5569 Post by Pontius Navigator » Sat Aug 08, 2020 1:20 pm

Boac wrote:
Sat Aug 08, 2020 11:29 am
Will she sue?
What if Sue sued Sue?

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Re: Friday Jokes

#5570 Post by Boac » Sat Aug 08, 2020 1:23 pm

Dunno. I give in.... Too clever for me.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#5571 Post by ricardian » Sat Aug 08, 2020 5:58 pm

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Re: Friday Jokes

#5572 Post by bob2s » Sun Aug 09, 2020 8:04 am

Sad news from Disney Studios.
CNN reported that the new JET BLACK movie portraying the African American version of SNOW WHITE has been canceled due to the all seven dwarfs DEALER,
STEALER,MUGGER,FORGER,DRIVE BY,HOMEBOY and SHANK having refused to sing" HI HO,HI HO" as it offend's black prostitutes and there is certainly no way they they are going to sing " it's off to work we go "

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Re: Friday Jokes

#5573 Post by ricardian » Sun Aug 09, 2020 4:57 pm

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Re: Friday Jokes

#5574 Post by ricardian » Sun Aug 09, 2020 7:34 pm

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Re: Friday Jokes

#5575 Post by PHXPhlyer » Sun Aug 09, 2020 8:20 pm

No Other Place To Put This

https://www.cnn.com/2020/08/09/politics ... index.html

New York Times: White House reached out to South Dakota governor about adding Trump to Mount Rushmore ~X(

By Jamie Ehrlich, CNN

Updated 4:07 PM ET, Sun August 9, 2020
NYT: WH reached out about adding Trump to Mount Rushmore
NOW PLAYING
NYT: WH reached out about adding Trump to Mount Rushmore
CNN




01:27
/
01:54



Now PlayingNYT: WH reached...


Washington (CNN)White House aides reached out to South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem last year about the process of adding additional presidents to Mount Rushmore, the New York Times reported.

According to a person familiar who spoke with the Times, Noem then greeted Trump when he arrived in the state for his July Fourth celebrations at the monument with a four-foot replica of Mount Rushmore that included his face. [-X
Noem has noted before Trump's "dream" to have his face on Mount Rushmore, the Coolidge-era sculpture that features the 60-foot-tall faces of Presidents George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln and Theodore Roosevelt.
According to a 2018 interview with Noem, the two struck up a conversation about the sculpture in the Oval Office during their first meeting, where she initially thought he was joking. "I started laughing," she said. "He wasn't laughing, so he was totally serious." :-o
"He said, 'Kristi, come on over here. Shake my hand, and so I shook his hand, and I said, 'Mr. President, you should come to South Dakota sometime. We have Mount Rushmore.' And he goes, 'Do you know it's my dream to have my face on Mount Rushmore?'" :ymsick: X(
Trump also toyed with the idea of adding himself to Mount Rushmore in 2017 at a campaign rally in Youngstown, Ohio.
During his July Fourth speech to supporters in South Dakota, Trump fiercely defended Mount Rushmore -- which activists and native tribal leaders have long criticized for its history and purpose -- saying it will "stand forever as an eternal tribute to our forefathers, and to our freedom."
"As we meet here tonight there is a growing danger that threatens every blessing our ancestors fought so hard for," Trump warned.
A White House official noted to the New York Times that Mount Rushmore is a federal, not a state monument.

PP

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Re: Friday Jokes

#5576 Post by G-CPTN » Sun Aug 09, 2020 8:29 pm

Doesn't a candidate for Mont Rushmore have to be deceased?

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Re: Friday Jokes

#5577 Post by FD2 » Sun Aug 09, 2020 10:07 pm

No allegations of 'fake news' yet then?

It's not 1st April so I'm puzzled.

The quiff would make it susceptible to damage in high winds - even a hazard to low flying aircraft.

Anyway it's one of the funniest jokes for a long time. :)) =))

Thanks pp.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#5578 Post by jimtherev » Sun Aug 09, 2020 10:11 pm

G-CPTN wrote:
Sun Aug 09, 2020 8:29 pm
Doesn't a candidate for Mont Rushmore have to be deceased?
You volunteering?

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Re: Friday Jokes

#5579 Post by PHXPhlyer » Sun Aug 09, 2020 10:25 pm

Jim: I think he was volunteering / nominating Trump.
Personally, I think he should consider the"honor".

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Re: Friday Jokes

#5580 Post by PHXPhlyer » Sun Aug 09, 2020 10:30 pm

WH reached out about adding Trump to Mount Rushmore
Taking the headline as written, I agree. Trump, not his image, should be added to Rushmore. Maybe up Lincoln's nose? :ymdevil: :)) =))

PP

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