Friday Jokes
- Airborne Aircrew
- Capt
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Re: Friday Jokes
Reasons for being banned to date:-
1. Espousing extreme views
2. PITA, (love this one)...
1. Espousing extreme views
2. PITA, (love this one)...
- CharlieOneSix
- Chief Pilot
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Re: Friday Jokes
Reminds me of someone but I can't think who......
The helicopter pilots' mantra: If it hasn't gone wrong then it's just about to...
https://www.glenbervie-weather.org
https://www.glenbervie-weather.org
Re: Friday Jokes
Who would have thought to look for them there
- Airborne Aircrew
- Capt
- Posts: 1292
- Joined: Wed Aug 26, 2015 11:44 am
- Location: SE Michigan
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Re: Friday Jokes
Reasons for being banned to date:-
1. Espousing extreme views
2. PITA, (love this one)...
1. Espousing extreme views
2. PITA, (love this one)...
- Airborne Aircrew
- Capt
- Posts: 1292
- Joined: Wed Aug 26, 2015 11:44 am
- Location: SE Michigan
- Gender:
Re: Friday Jokes
Reasons for being banned to date:-
1. Espousing extreme views
2. PITA, (love this one)...
1. Espousing extreme views
2. PITA, (love this one)...
- A Lutra Continua
- Chief Pilot
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Re: Friday Jokes
Airborne Aircrew wrote:
It would be funny if it wasn't so bloody sad. It's not enough the bastards are stealing taxpayers' money, even the funds that get to where they're meant to go are an utter waste...
- Airborne Aircrew
- Capt
- Posts: 1292
- Joined: Wed Aug 26, 2015 11:44 am
- Location: SE Michigan
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Re: Friday Jokes
Reasons for being banned to date:-
1. Espousing extreme views
2. PITA, (love this one)...
1. Espousing extreme views
2. PITA, (love this one)...
- rgbrock1
- Chief Pilot
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Re: Friday Jokes
Pro Deo et Constitutione — Libertas aut Mors
- rgbrock1
- Chief Pilot
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Re: Friday Jokes
Pro Deo et Constitutione — Libertas aut Mors
- rgbrock1
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 3331
- Joined: Mon Aug 31, 2015 11:52 am
- Location: Pleaant Valley, New York
- Gender:
- Age: 66
Re: Friday Jokes
Pro Deo et Constitutione — Libertas aut Mors
- Airborne Aircrew
- Capt
- Posts: 1292
- Joined: Wed Aug 26, 2015 11:44 am
- Location: SE Michigan
- Gender:
Re: Friday Jokes
Reasons for being banned to date:-
1. Espousing extreme views
2. PITA, (love this one)...
1. Espousing extreme views
2. PITA, (love this one)...
- Woody
- Chief Pilot
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- Location: Sir Kenny Dalglish Stand
- Age: 59
Re: Friday Jokes
yesterday i was at my local tesco store buying a large bag "chappie" dog food, for my loyal pet, and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind asked me if i had a dog,,,what did she think i had,,an elephant!! so since im retired and have little to do, on impulse i told her no, i didnt have a dog, i was starting "the dog diet again",,,,,,,
i added that i probably shouldnt, because i finished up in hospital last time, but i,d lost 10 kilograms before i woke up in intensive care with tubes coming from most of my orifices and iv,s in both arms.
i told her i her it was essentially a perfect diet, and the way that it works is to load your pockets with "chappie" nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. the food is nutritionally complete so it works well and was going to try it again,,, [i have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was now enthralled with my story]
horrified , she asked me if i ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me, i told her no,,,,
,,,i stepped off the kerb to sniff an irish setter,s ass, and a car hit me:)
i thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard
i am now banned from tesco,s
i added that i probably shouldnt, because i finished up in hospital last time, but i,d lost 10 kilograms before i woke up in intensive care with tubes coming from most of my orifices and iv,s in both arms.
i told her i her it was essentially a perfect diet, and the way that it works is to load your pockets with "chappie" nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. the food is nutritionally complete so it works well and was going to try it again,,, [i have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was now enthralled with my story]
horrified , she asked me if i ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me, i told her no,,,,
,,,i stepped off the kerb to sniff an irish setter,s ass, and a car hit me:)
i thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard
i am now banned from tesco,s
When all else fails, read the instructions.
- 500N
- Chief Pilot
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Re: Friday Jokes
Woody
Thank you, that was very good
Thank you, that was very good
- Stoneboat
- Capt
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Re: Friday Jokes
Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear.
- CharlieOneSix
- Chief Pilot
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Re: Friday Jokes
Father John's Bath Night
It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and the young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.
The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.
'Oh, sister,' said the young nun dreamily, 'I've been saved.'
'Saved? And how did that come about?' asked the old nun.
'Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven.'
'Did he now?' said the old nun evenly.
Sister Magdalene continued, 'and Father John said that if the Key to Heaven fitted my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock.'
'Is that a fact?' said the old nun even more evenly.
'At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved.'
'That wicked old bastard, said the old nun. 'He told me it was Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for 40 years!
It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and the young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.
The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.
'Oh, sister,' said the young nun dreamily, 'I've been saved.'
'Saved? And how did that come about?' asked the old nun.
'Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven.'
'Did he now?' said the old nun evenly.
Sister Magdalene continued, 'and Father John said that if the Key to Heaven fitted my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock.'
'Is that a fact?' said the old nun even more evenly.
'At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved.'
'That wicked old bastard, said the old nun. 'He told me it was Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for 40 years!
The helicopter pilots' mantra: If it hasn't gone wrong then it's just about to...
https://www.glenbervie-weather.org
https://www.glenbervie-weather.org