Friday Jokes
- Ex-Ascot
- Test Pilot
- Posts: 13096
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- Location: Botswana but sometimes Greece
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- Age: 68
Re: Friday Jokes
OK for both of us we don't understand the yellow paint joke or this one about lesbians. Must be too much sand around.
'Yes, Madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.' Sir Winston Churchill.
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 14669
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- OFSO
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 18603
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 6:39 pm
- Location: Teddington UK and Roses Catalunia
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- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
+ 1
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 14669
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- Location: Gravity be the clue
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- Age: 80
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 2179
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- Location: Retired guy from the UK East Coast
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- Age: 84
Re: Friday Jokes
Me too!
- ExSp33db1rd
- Chief Pilot
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Re: Friday Jokes
Ditto.
Re: Friday Jokes
Sometimes you have to imagine the phrase as said in the local accent. A bit like "twerk" being where a Yorkshireman goes to earn a crust.
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 2510
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- Location: Back home, looking for a bad bottle of Red
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- Age: 69
Re: Friday Jokes
Likewise.And another+1
But regarding the actual subject...I wouldn't!!!
You only live twice. Once when you're born. Once when you've looked death in the face.
Re: Friday Jokes
Yorkshire lad goes into chemists and says
"D,ya have any arse cream ?"
Aye lad says the chemist
"We,ve got magnums,choc ices and cornetto,s"
"D,ya have any arse cream ?"
Aye lad says the chemist
"We,ve got magnums,choc ices and cornetto,s"
- Fox3WheresMyBanana
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 12987
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- Location: Great White North
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- Age: 61
Re: Friday Jokes
Swede goes into a chemist's.
"I vant to buy zom anti-perzperent"
"Bal, or aerzol?"
"No, I vant it vor my armpits"
"I vant to buy zom anti-perzperent"
"Bal, or aerzol?"
"No, I vant it vor my armpits"
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5947
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
I was born male and identify as male, but according to Sainsbury's Deluxe Sticky Toffee Pudding I am actually a family of four.
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
Re: Friday Jokes
An old pilot sat down in Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the pilot and asked, ‘Are you a real pilot?’
He replied, ‘Well, I’ve spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs, Aeronca’s, Nieuports, flew in WWII in a B-29, and later in the Korean conflict, taught 50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot – what about you?’
She said, ‘I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.’
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked, ‘Are you a real pilot?’
He replied, ‘I always thought I was, but I just found out I’m a lesbian.’
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the pilot and asked, ‘Are you a real pilot?’
He replied, ‘Well, I’ve spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs, Aeronca’s, Nieuports, flew in WWII in a B-29, and later in the Korean conflict, taught 50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot – what about you?’
She said, ‘I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.’
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked, ‘Are you a real pilot?’
He replied, ‘I always thought I was, but I just found out I’m a lesbian.’
--
A Little VC10derness - https://www.VC10.net
A Little VC10derness - https://www.VC10.net
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5947
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5947
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5947
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Top 10 advantages of growing old:
10 Your clothes have come back in fashion - twice.
9 There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
8 Plenty of time to catch up on reading - in the bathroom.
7 In any hostage situation you'll probably be released first.
6 You repeat yourself without knowing it.
5 You are allowed to take a nap before getting ready for bed.
4 You've made lots of good memories even if you cannot remember them.
3 You repeat yourself without knowing it.
2 Growing old is unavoidable, growing up is optional.
1 It's better than the alternative.
10 Your clothes have come back in fashion - twice.
9 There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
8 Plenty of time to catch up on reading - in the bathroom.
7 In any hostage situation you'll probably be released first.
6 You repeat yourself without knowing it.
5 You are allowed to take a nap before getting ready for bed.
4 You've made lots of good memories even if you cannot remember them.
3 You repeat yourself without knowing it.
2 Growing old is unavoidable, growing up is optional.
1 It's better than the alternative.
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
-
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5947
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER