Friday Jokes

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PHXPhlyer
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9261 Post by PHXPhlyer » Thu Dec 01, 2022 2:09 am

llondel wrote:
Thu Dec 01, 2022 1:56 am
Fox3WheresMyBanana wrote:
Thu Dec 01, 2022 12:50 am
I remember a very frank interview with Noddy on Midlands TV.
He was discussing his upbringing in the Black Country in classic Brummie tones, when the interviewer chipped in with
"..and where do you live now, Noddy?"
He switched to perfect RP and proudly announced "Ches-shire!"

..in a bloody great mansion, paid for by one song :D
One of the two best Christmas songs ever.
? :-??

PP

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9262 Post by ricardian » Thu Dec 01, 2022 3:03 am

To err is human.
To forgive is divine.
To moo is bovine.
To bleat is ovine.
To oink is porcine.
To howl is lupine.
To bark is canine.
To purr is feline.
This list is asinine!
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9263 Post by ricardian » Thu Dec 01, 2022 12:16 pm

Murphy's Lesser Known Laws:

1. Light travels faster than sound. Therefore some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
5. Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something correct, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
7. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
8. The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
10. Flashlight: A metal tube used to store dead batteries.
11. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
12. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9264 Post by ricardian » Thu Dec 01, 2022 1:55 pm

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9265 Post by ricardian » Thu Dec 01, 2022 4:00 pm

I got an email telling me how to read maps backwards, but it was spam.
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9266 Post by FD2 » Thu Dec 01, 2022 6:25 pm

Carey.jpg

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9267 Post by Woody » Thu Dec 01, 2022 6:51 pm

FD2 wrote:
Thu Dec 01, 2022 6:25 pm
Carey.jpg
https://www.whamageddon.com/
When all else fails, read the instructions.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9268 Post by k3k3 » Thu Dec 01, 2022 10:51 pm

Woody wrote:
Thu Dec 01, 2022 6:51 pm
FD2 wrote:
Thu Dec 01, 2022 6:25 pm
Carey.jpg
https://www.whamageddon.com/
I already fell victim to it on Radio 2 in the car this morning,

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9269 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Thu Dec 01, 2022 11:41 pm

Spot the fighter pilot on holiday...
Screenshot from 2022-12-01 19-36-24.jpg
Screenshot from 2022-12-01 19-36-24.jpg (129.12 KiB) Viewed 618 times

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9270 Post by ricardian » Fri Dec 02, 2022 5:58 pm

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9271 Post by TheGreenAnger » Fri Dec 02, 2022 7:48 pm

Sent to me by a friend who spent many years working in logistics in the British Army... =))

Hurry Up and Wait!.JPG
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9272 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Fri Dec 02, 2022 8:13 pm

Just as well he didn't mention that the VC10 is f-ed in Hawaii and the Tristar is f-ed in Miami, as even the Army might get a tad suspicious.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9273 Post by ricardian » Fri Dec 02, 2022 11:57 pm

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9274 Post by Opsboi » Sat Dec 03, 2022 12:34 am

Brilliant, Squadron Leader!

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9275 Post by Ex-Ascot » Sat Dec 03, 2022 8:33 am

Fox3WheresMyBanana wrote:
Fri Dec 02, 2022 8:13 pm
Just as well he didn't mention that the VC10 is f-ed in Hawaii and the Tristar is f-ed in Miami, as even the Army might get a tad suspicious.
We once went tits up with the VC10 in W. Africa (Banjul?) on the way to Ascension with a load of fresh food on board for them. They sent out a C130 with spares and engineers and to take over the task. We were there for three days lying by the pool with cold beers as the C130 took three runs to take our load. Every time they came back in the late afternoon the air was blue. I did buy the captain a few beers. We both left on the same day for the UK. Just after we got airborne the C130 captain came onto the radio and said that we should have paid airfield fees before leaving there was no agreement with the UK in place. I was not informed of this. He said that they wouldn't let him take off unless he paid for us as well as him. =))
'Yes, Madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.' Sir Winston Churchill.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9276 Post by ricardian » Sat Dec 03, 2022 4:59 pm

Four stages of a man's life:
1. You believe in Santa.
2. You don't believe in Santa.
3. You are Santa.
4. You look like Santa.
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9277 Post by ricardian » Sat Dec 03, 2022 5:47 pm

After the unpleasantness in the Falkland Islands our troops were told to stop referring to islanders as "Bennies" so our troops began calling them "Stills".
The islanders referred our troops as "When I's". But the local island radio service was persuaded to read an announcement about the startup company "Southern Hemisphere Island Taxi Service".
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Re: Friday Jokes

#9278 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Sat Dec 03, 2022 7:46 pm

Screenshot from 2022-12-03 15-44-19.png
Screenshot from 2022-12-03 15-44-19.png (168.2 KiB) Viewed 477 times

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9279 Post by Pontius Navigator » Sat Dec 03, 2022 8:31 pm

That's absolutely freezing

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Re: Friday Jokes

#9280 Post by OFSO » Sat Dec 03, 2022 8:52 pm

That those degrees Kevin??

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