Friday Jokes

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CharlieOneSix
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4841 Post by CharlieOneSix » Mon Mar 23, 2020 1:09 pm

I see they tested John Travolta for coronavirus but he was clear - he just had Saturday Night Fever.
The helicopter pilots' mantra: If it hasn't gone wrong then it's just about to...
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OFSO
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4842 Post by OFSO » Mon Mar 23, 2020 6:29 pm

Imagine Diane Abbott being invited to a COBRA meeting and asking if she could bring her own !
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sidevalve
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4843 Post by sidevalve » Mon Mar 23, 2020 9:56 pm

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Re: Friday Jokes

#4844 Post by Hydromet » Mon Mar 23, 2020 9:59 pm

As they've closed the schools here, we're home schooling. So far, we've had two kids suspended for fighting and a teacher fired for drinking on the job.
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CharlieOneSix
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4845 Post by CharlieOneSix » Mon Mar 23, 2020 10:24 pm

What Boris really meant in his address to the nation tonight....
.
twats.JPG
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TheGreenGoblin
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4846 Post by TheGreenGoblin » Mon Mar 23, 2020 10:26 pm

sidevalve wrote: ↑
Mon Mar 23, 2020 9:56 pm
:-bd
Though you remain
Convinced
"To be alive
You must have somewhere
To go
Your destination remains
Elusive."
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FD2
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4847 Post by FD2 » Mon Mar 23, 2020 11:08 pm

Yosemite Sam says...png
Yosemite Sam says...png (346.54 KiB) Viewed 901 times
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Karearea
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4848 Post by Karearea » Tue Mar 24, 2020 3:24 am

Went to Tesco and they gave him food - 0:36

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2t2mZ_w ... e=youtu.be

"And to think that it's the same dear old Moon..."
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4849 Post by ExSp33db1rd » Tue Mar 24, 2020 6:43 am

Ref: 4847... or any people, the World already has too many.

Heir and spare is too many, Heir is enough.
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4850 Post by Stoneboat » Tue Mar 24, 2020 1:26 pm

f someone coughs inside your 1.5 metre personal space, that is a 'near cough.' You should them to 'far cough.'
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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4851 Post by ricardian » Tue Mar 24, 2020 2:43 pm

See - it's easy!
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FD2
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4852 Post by FD2 » Wed Mar 25, 2020 10:58 pm

NHS Grampian testing guidelines

test or not.jpg
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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4853 Post by ricardian » Wed Mar 25, 2020 11:58 pm

Achieving the impossible!
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4854 Post by Magnus » Thu Mar 26, 2020 12:19 pm

Asked the missus to put on her nurse's outfit.
"Oooh! Feeling frisky?" said she.
"No, we need a loaf of bread and it's priority time at the supermarket."
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4855 Post by sidevalve » Thu Mar 26, 2020 4:08 pm

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Re: Friday Jokes

#4856 Post by ricardian » Thu Mar 26, 2020 7:01 pm

In these troubled times the phrase "get the **** away from me!" is no longer rude but a public service announcement.
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4857 Post by ribrash » Thu Mar 26, 2020 8:25 pm

My elderly neighbour was taken to hospital the other day. He was vacuuming naked and said he slipped and “fell” on the vacuum nozzle and it wedged up his ass. I rang the hospital to see how he was getting on and the Doctor said he was picking up nicely....
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4858 Post by sidevalve » Sat Mar 28, 2020 9:13 am

Image
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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4859 Post by ricardian » Sat Mar 28, 2020 2:07 pm

A timely reminder
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Boac
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4860 Post by Boac » Sat Mar 28, 2020 2:36 pm

I've always wondered, Ric, what PP actually does with that large proboscis.
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