Friday Jokes

General Chit Chat
Message
Author
Pontius Navigator
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 14669
Joined: Fri Jul 07, 2017 8:17 am
Location: Gravity be the clue
Gender:
Age: 80

Re: Friday Jokes

#8561 Post by Pontius Navigator » Mon Jun 06, 2022 7:26 am

Telegraph today:
Six areas recorded an increase in [car] thefts compared with the same period two years previously. These were: South Yorkshire, up 28 per cent; City of London, up 25 per cent; West Midlands, up 19 per cent; Surrey, up 12 per cent; Merseyside, up 4 per cent; and Greater Manchester, up 1 per cent.
Well when you are already working flat out, it's hard to increase the quota, especially if someone else already nicked the wheels.

User avatar
OFSO
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 18600
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 6:39 pm
Location: Teddington UK and Roses Catalunia
Gender:
Age: 80

Re: Friday Jokes

#8562 Post by OFSO » Mon Jun 06, 2022 10:34 am

To get out of the way for a while, Boris Johnson flies down to Africa where he addresses the natives. They all seem happy but he cannot avoid noticing how much wild bull excrement there is everywhere in the market square. He is led to the podium and starts his speech: "Britain is your friend! Britain wishes you well!"
The natives all jump up and down and shout N'Bonga! N'Bonga!
Encouraged by this he continues "We only wish your happiness, and will support you in everything. "
Cries of N'Bonga N'Bonga!
Boris continues "And you can believe me, for I am an honest and truthful man... "
Crowd goes wild, screaming and shouting N'Bonga! N'Bonga!
Pleased, he's led away from the podium. "Went very well" he says to the Chief. "Indeed yes" says the Chief "but please mind where you are treading and don't step in the N'Bonga... "

Archer
Snr FO
Snr FO
Posts: 100
Joined: Mon Jan 06, 2020 6:51 pm
Location: NL

Re: Friday Jokes

#8563 Post by Archer » Tue Jun 07, 2022 2:45 pm

paddington_3da7e5f7d9601db0c7f75b2461d220ff37b627eb.jpg
paddington_3da7e5f7d9601db0c7f75b2461d220ff37b627eb.jpg (100.62 KiB) Viewed 719 times
--
A Little VC10derness - https://www.VC10.net

ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5947
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W
Gender:
Age: 80

Re: Friday Jokes

#8564 Post by ricardian » Tue Jun 07, 2022 4:47 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5947
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W
Gender:
Age: 80

Re: Friday Jokes

#8565 Post by ricardian » Tue Jun 07, 2022 5:28 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5947
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W
Gender:
Age: 80

Re: Friday Jokes

#8566 Post by ricardian » Wed Jun 08, 2022 11:03 am

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5947
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W
Gender:
Age: 80

Re: Friday Jokes

#8567 Post by ricardian » Wed Jun 08, 2022 11:24 am

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5947
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W
Gender:
Age: 80

Re: Friday Jokes

#8568 Post by ricardian » Wed Jun 08, 2022 9:10 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

User avatar
FD2
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5110
Joined: Thu Sep 03, 2015 10:11 pm
Location: New Zealand
Gender:
Age: 76

Re: Friday Jokes

#8569 Post by FD2 » Thu Jun 09, 2022 5:22 am

image002.jpg

ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5947
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W
Gender:
Age: 80

Re: Friday Jokes

#8570 Post by ricardian » Thu Jun 09, 2022 10:40 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5947
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W
Gender:
Age: 80

Re: Friday Jokes

#8571 Post by ricardian » Fri Jun 10, 2022 3:50 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

User avatar
Fox3WheresMyBanana
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 12986
Joined: Thu Sep 03, 2015 9:51 pm
Location: Great White North
Gender:
Age: 61

Re: Friday Jokes

#8572 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Fri Jun 10, 2022 3:55 pm

You're gonna need a bigger harvester!

ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5947
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W
Gender:
Age: 80

Re: Friday Jokes

#8573 Post by ricardian » Fri Jun 10, 2022 6:20 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

EA01
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 2980
Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2020 7:53 am
Location: OOL
Gender:
Age: 51

Re: Friday Jokes

#8574 Post by EA01 » Sat Jun 11, 2022 8:50 am

Ok, so let me get this straight....the #1 movie in the country is Top gun, the #1 song is Kate Bush "Running up the Hill", and the USA is in a proxy war with Russia?.......So we're just like, "**** it, lets give 1986 another go then?"

User avatar
llondel
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5913
Joined: Wed Oct 03, 2018 3:17 am
Location: San Jose

Re: Friday Jokes

#8575 Post by llondel » Sun Jun 12, 2022 3:31 pm

I've been prescribed some anti-gloating cream by the doctor.

Can't wait to rub it in.

ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5947
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W
Gender:
Age: 80

Re: Friday Jokes

#8576 Post by ricardian » Sun Jun 12, 2022 3:52 pm

Non alcoholic beer is like a porn movie on the radio
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5947
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W
Gender:
Age: 80

Re: Friday Jokes

#8577 Post by ricardian » Sun Jun 12, 2022 5:32 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

jimtherev
Station Padre
Station Padre
Posts: 1417
Joined: Sun Aug 23, 2015 4:40 pm
Location: A country mouse in Derbyshire
Gender:
Age: 85

Re: Friday Jokes

#8578 Post by jimtherev » Sun Jun 12, 2022 10:30 pm

ricardian wrote:
Sun Jun 12, 2022 5:32 pm
A simple challenge
what a strange effect! Do you know what causes it?

User avatar
Opsboi
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 2718
Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2015 5:37 pm
Location: Watching LHR D-09 E
Gender:

Re: Friday Jokes

#8579 Post by Opsboi » Mon Jun 13, 2022 12:14 am

jimtherev wrote:
Sun Jun 12, 2022 10:30 pm
ricardian wrote:
Sun Jun 12, 2022 5:32 pm
A simple challenge
what a strange effect! Do you know what causes it?
2 bottles of a fine NZ Sauvignon Blanc, mayhap?

Although I did try it earlier and was equally baffled

User avatar
Fox3WheresMyBanana
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 12986
Joined: Thu Sep 03, 2015 9:51 pm
Location: Great White North
Gender:
Age: 61

Re: Friday Jokes

#8580 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Mon Jun 13, 2022 1:16 am

It has been recently discovered that not all the eye's colour sensors (cones) actually detect colour. Instead the peripheral ones measure contrast, and the brain fills in the colour from prior scans. Within the grid squares you will note there are some apparently curved lines comprised of stones of similar contrast. These have been sized to appear the same width as the green grid lines. As you focus on one area of the image, the eye's peripheral cones then see the straight grid lines and the curved stone lines as being of similar contrast. The brain concludes that they are all lines, and memory recalls that lines are coloured green, so new curved green lines appear. They disappear when the eye's focus shifts to them, as the fovea's colour cones Do detect colour.
It's more obvious if you view the image in greyscale


A fine set of jokes this week from everyone, much amusement here - many thanks!
I finished 1986 by winning my Wings - a fine year!

Post Reply