Friday Jokes

[PHXPhlyer]

You & Me.jpg

Glad I wasn't drinking anything when I saw this.

PP

[Woody]

[ricardian]

History lesson

[Karearea]

Random comment on a DM article:

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta MasterCard a year ago, you would have $49.00 today.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have $0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you would have received a $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.
It is called the 401-Keg.

A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!

Makes you damned proud to be an American.

[Hydromet]

At the rifle range, a RAAF recruit was given some instructions, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.
He looked at his rifle and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again and then at the target again.
He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand.
The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, ‘It’s leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!’

[Pontius Navigator]

At South Cerney in 1961 the USAF at Fairford used our small arms range. One day one of them came in to sick quarters. He had shot his thumb with his .45 pistol so I was told.

I guess more likely he had managed to get it stuck in the chamber or similar but I definitely heard 'shot'.

[ricardian]

Quite understandable

[llondel]

With various shortages blamed on the pandemic and Brexit, I've seen a few shops with empty shelves. Then I saw a shop with nothing in it at all, so I asked the proprietor what he sold. "Shelves."

[FD2]

The wrong way to wear a mask:

Mask Wearing.jpg (31.86 KiB) Viewed 894 times

[Rwy in Sight]

FD2 it took me more than a minute to see the nose is uncovered indeed.

[Alisoncc]

old.jpg (113.51 KiB) Viewed 836 times

[emjay]

How time flies....

car_manual.jpg (94.44 KiB) Viewed 816 times

[bob2s]

Went for a meal today,menu said LGILR,turned out to be MIXED GRILL,so instead I settled on a bag of air which the producer had kindly put in a few
potato chips.

[Pontius Navigator]

Are you sure it was air?

Breathe out when opening.

[ricardian]

Revelations

[ricardian]

Generosity?

[ribrash]

Sad to see on the news before that the British woman who fell off the cruise ship has been named as Eileen Dover.

[ricardian]

Some mothers do 'ave 'em

[Woody]

[llondel]

I just found out that Albert Einstein was a real person!

All this time I thought he was a theoretical physicist.