Friday Jokes

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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes

#3361 Post by ricardian » Wed Sep 11, 2019 1:22 pm

The price of honesty: man killed on golf course!
A male foursome is waiting at the men's tee while a foursome of women is hitting from the ladies' tee. When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she duffs it 10 feet. Then she goes over and misses it completely. Then she hacks it another ten feet and finally hacks it another five feet. She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says, apologetically, “I guess all those **** lessons that I took over the winter didn't help!”
One of the men immediately responds “Well, there you have it. You should have taken golf lessons instead!"
He never even had a chance to duck. He was only 43.
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Re: Friday Jokes

#3362 Post by ricardian » Wed Sep 11, 2019 4:56 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

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Re: Friday Jokes

#3363 Post by ricardian » Thu Sep 12, 2019 9:33 am

Image
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Re: Friday Jokes

#3364 Post by ricardian » Thu Sep 12, 2019 11:25 am

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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visitstronsay.com
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Re: Friday Jokes

#3365 Post by Boac » Thu Sep 12, 2019 12:26 pm

That's dreadful, Ric!

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Re: Friday Jokes

#3366 Post by ricardian » Thu Sep 12, 2019 3:22 pm

Image
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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Re: Friday Jokes

#3367 Post by ricardian » Thu Sep 12, 2019 3:25 pm

One for JimTheRev

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Fox3WheresMyBanana
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Re: Friday Jokes

#3368 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Thu Sep 12, 2019 3:45 pm

Image

(It's a artsy-fartsy Greek restaurant. I don't think they quite get the nuances of the English language yet ;))) )

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Re: Friday Jokes

#3369 Post by ricardian » Thu Sep 12, 2019 9:49 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

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Re: Friday Jokes

#3370 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Thu Sep 12, 2019 10:34 pm

Don't take any guff, just blow them off!

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Re: Friday Jokes

#3371 Post by Hydromet » Thu Sep 12, 2019 10:37 pm

Better to pass the fart and bear the sham, than smother it and bear the pain.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#3372 Post by llondel » Fri Sep 13, 2019 3:13 am

If food typically takes 24 hours to pass through, what you eat on the flight is largely irrelevant to your fart level.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#3373 Post by Undried Plum » Fri Sep 13, 2019 7:34 am

Food served on Bangla takes a hell of a lot less than 24 hrs to pass through, I can tell you.

And the farts are liquid.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#3374 Post by Slasher » Fri Sep 13, 2019 7:54 am

Undried Plum wrote:
Fri Sep 13, 2019 7:34 am
Food served in Bangla takes a hell of a lot less than 24 hrs to pass through, I can tell you.

And the farts are liquid.
Never flown on Bangladude but +1 in agreement. My bold in the quote.

4 1/2 hours in my case from consumption to bloody nightmare on the hotel Dalton. Barely made it.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#3375 Post by Boac » Fri Sep 13, 2019 8:46 am

I just hope that Rangwe MP is only looking to ban farting in the cabin, or she will not find any pilots on her next attempt to travel by air. :))

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Re: Friday Jokes

#3376 Post by FD2 » Fri Sep 13, 2019 11:13 am

I know what the Rangwe MP means. I once flew overnight from Lagos to Amsterdam sitting next to a very fat man who farted all the way. :ymsick:

Didn't care much really - I was just so pleased to be getting out of Nigeria. :D

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Re: Friday Jokes

#3377 Post by Sisemen » Fri Sep 13, 2019 11:23 am

Maybe it’s mainly an African problem.

Oops, shouldn’t have said that as it’s obviously racist :ymdevil:

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Re: Friday Jokes

#3378 Post by Slasher » Fri Sep 13, 2019 12:26 pm

The risk of sitting next to some fat horrible farting slob (of either sex) was always in the back of my mind if there was non no choice but to sit in Cattle to go home from the Gulf and vv. The risk was considerably increased if the high proportion of pax were Arabs. So Sise it's not just the African niggas but the sand variety too.

This I could find out from Traffic the day before when they started compiling the manifest. Fortunately it was only on a few occasions where I chickened out and took the next flight, when I knew either the capt or Purser of the original flight were Company arseholes and wouldn't upgrade me to a spare seat in Biz or First.

Lagos is a shithole. Literally.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#3379 Post by Sisemen » Fri Sep 13, 2019 12:35 pm

What pisses me off far more than farting (as I’m probably a net contributor :D ) is bloody Chinese snorting and sniffing loudly every two seconds. :-q :-q :-q

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Re: Friday Jokes

#3380 Post by Slasher » Fri Sep 13, 2019 12:40 pm

Yeh I agree Sise. Dunno how many times I've had slag-ridden slime-snorting F/Os esp in Nam. I had to get the girls to bring up a box tissues and bark "blow ya bloody nose FFS!" at him.

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