Friday Jokes

[ribrash]

[FD2]

Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Northern Territory Highway Patrol.

The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all wanna be cops, huh?"

The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth."

So, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?" The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"

The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a side profile of his face! You're dismissed!"

The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"

"Yes! He only has one ear!" The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, Didn't you hear what I just told the last applicant? This is side picture profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear! You're excused too!" The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but..."

He flashed the photo for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual features about this man?"

The blonde said, "I sure did ... this man wears contact lenses."

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Hellooooooooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can’t wear glasses.”

[ricardian]

[ricardian]

[Pontius Navigator]

I don't like cross posting from TOP but this comment on translation of Russian trashcan footage is worth it (I think)

I enjoy watching the dash cams from the ruskies. There colorful language can easily be interpreted by a yank as equivalent to:
"pardon me",
"I'm sorry"
"your driving has me confused" "
"can I suggest a different course of action" etc. etc.

[ribrash]

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

images11.jpg (10.32 KiB) Viewed 573 times

[CharlieOneSix]

Nicola Sturgeon talking sense....maybe...if you can understand it. Mrs C16, being Glaswegian, understood every word!

[ricardian]

[ricardian]

[ricardian]

Why on earth would anyone pay for this?[

[G-CPTN]

Why on earth would anyone pay for this?[

I have often mused on that.

Sometimes it is FOC.

[4mastacker]

Screenshot 2019-03-15 at 20.45.40.png (646.93 KiB) Viewed 394 times

[ricardian]

Why on earth would anyone pay for this?[

I have often mused on that.
Sometimes it is FOC.

The poster is ambiguous - it could mean that you pay £2 just to watch/observe batteries being fitted

[G-CPTN]

The poster is ambiguous - it could mean that you pay £2 just to watch/observe batteries being fitted.

I knew that . . .

[Pontius Navigator]

Try our sausages
You will never get better

[Capetonian]

BILL'S BUTCHERY
We slaughter ourselves twice daily

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

AIR CANADA
We're not happy until you're not happy

(Unofficial)

[603DX]

ACME PHARMACY

We dispense with accuracy.