Friday Jokes

[ricardian]

"What does your daddy do?"
"He's a magician."
"Wow, what tricks does he do?"
"He saws people in half."
"That's very clever. Do you have any brothers or sisters?"
"Yes, I have two half-brothers and two half-sisters."

[Pontius Navigator]

From the motoring letters page:

I have three children, two dogs and a 2007 Skoda Octavia that I would like to replace. My budget is £15,000. .........

[Sisemen]

[Slasher]

IMG_1567.JPG (33.16 KiB) Viewed 808 times

[ricardian]

Why fathers shouldn't be left alone with children

[ricardian]

[ricardian]

Why you should ALWAYS check your passport before booking a flight

[ricardian]

[FD2]

Right at the end of a BBC radio programme recently, there was a discussion about the cost of entry into Premiership football matches where ticket prices of £60 or £100 per game is not uncommon. An elderly chap being interviewed said he could recall many years ago arriving at the turnstiles when the attendant greeted him with:

"That will be ten quid, mate".

"What?!" the old chap said, "I could get a woman for that!"

Without batting an eyelid, the fellow on the turnstile retorted, "Not for 45 minutes each way with a brass band and a meat pie in the interval, you wouldn't!”

[ricardian]

[ribrash]

I own a pencil that was owned by William Shakespeare. But he chewed it a lot, so I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B?

[ribrash]

[ricardian]

[ricardian]

One for motivational speakers and team meetings everywhere - yes there really is an "I" in "team":

[Capetonian]

There's no I in team but there is a U in ****!

[Slasher]

[ian16th]

Slasher's Size Guide!

Slashers Size Guide.jpg (62.46 KiB) Viewed 423 times

[Boac]

There's no I in team but there is in committee, unfortunately.

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

There are 9 'A's in Canada

C - eh? - A - eh? - N - eh? - A - eh? - D - eh? - A - eh?

[Pontius Navigator]

OK, I'll bite. Any As in Fox or just the 3 in Banana?