Friday Jokes

[ricardian]

Apologies for aviation content

[Fliegenmong]

I had my leg X-rayed today.
The doctor said "Your patellas only measures 2.54cm."
I said, "Inch high knees?"
He said, “你的膝盖高2.54厘米"

[Wodrick]

Bloody hell it translates, sad innit. Me that is not Fleigs.

[unifoxos]

Google是你的朋友

[4mastacker]

What's the tallest flower in the world?















A Giraffodil.

I can make my own way out, thank you.

[Alisoncc]

No I don't have any biscuits.

NoIdonthaveanybiscuits.jpg (29.08 KiB) Viewed 520 times

[ricardian]

[ricardian]

What's a good name for a band?

[Pontius Navigator]

What's a good name for a band?

Easily confused in a befuddled state.

[ricardian]

Traffic problem

[Capetonian]

What's Belgium famous for?
Chocolates and child abuse, and they only invented the chocolates to get to the children.

(From the film 'In Bruges'.)

[ricardian]

Cruel (but honest!)

[ricardian]

Self-evident truth!

[ricardian]

[ricardian]

Wearing a condom is no guarantee of safe sex. My friend was wearing a condom when he was shot by the woman's husband.

[ricardian]

Unfair contest

[sidevalve]

The late Marty Feldman singing in the style of Charles Aznavour the label on the side of a bottle of HP Sauce! (where many of us learned our French!)

[ricardian]

[FD2]

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.

The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick
and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, 'Excuse me Father, but what causes arthritis?'

The priest replies,

'My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,

sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.'

The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned."

Then returned to his paper.



The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.

'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong.

How long have you had arthritis?'

The drunk answered, 'I don't have it Father.

I was just reading here that the Pope does.'

[ricardian]

Some thought required