Friday Jokes

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8501 Post by bob2s » Mon May 16, 2022 1:50 am

Hydromet wrote:
Sun May 15, 2022 10:37 pm
ricardian wrote:
Sun May 15, 2022 2:14 pm
The wording on two notices on the Peak District moors amused my grandad:
"Trespassers will be propped up and shot."
"It is forbidden to throw stones at this notice."
A farmer in western NSW had a sign that said "Trespassers will be shot". After complaints, it had a hand-written amendment..."Trespassers will be shot at".
Some more trespass signs. https://shortquotes.cc/funny-no-trespassing-quotes/

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8502 Post by Magnus » Mon May 16, 2022 11:56 am

ricardian wrote:
Thu May 12, 2022 11:10 pm
Ingenious training aid
I liked the clever American technique of printing a fly under the enamel. Men cannot avoid aiming at the fly.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8503 Post by ricardian » Mon May 16, 2022 5:19 pm

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8504 Post by ricardian » Mon May 16, 2022 5:26 pm

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8505 Post by Ex-Ascot » Tue May 17, 2022 8:35 am

'Yes, Madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.' Sir Winston Churchill.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8506 Post by Boac » Tue May 17, 2022 9:23 am

Brilliant! Thanks for the laugh, Ricardian. I'm having one made for my garden except it will be pigeons, not seagulls.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8507 Post by ricardian » Tue May 17, 2022 9:27 pm

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8508 Post by Ex-Ascot » Wed May 18, 2022 3:01 pm

'Yes, Madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.' Sir Winston Churchill.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8509 Post by ricardian » Wed May 18, 2022 3:17 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8510 Post by ricardian » Wed May 18, 2022 11:02 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8511 Post by PHXPhlyer » Wed May 18, 2022 11:46 pm

ricardian wrote:
Wed May 18, 2022 11:02 pm
Horticultural humour
Missing: Groucho Marx glasses with nose, eyebrows, and moustache.
:))

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8512 Post by Hydromet » Thu May 19, 2022 2:28 am

ricardian wrote:
Wed May 18, 2022 11:02 pm
Horticultural humour
You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8513 Post by ricardian » Fri May 20, 2022 2:21 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8514 Post by Boac » Fri May 20, 2022 3:10 pm

Disgusting! I bet the 'dress' wasn't cheap and you think it would have come with at least 1 pair of Y-fronts, wouldn't you?

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8515 Post by Boac » Sat May 21, 2022 6:18 pm


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Re: Friday Jokes

#8516 Post by OFSO » Sat May 21, 2022 6:32 pm

I don't have time to set up a sign for tomorrow at 4 am when TGG flies over our house.....

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8517 Post by EA01 » Sun May 22, 2022 6:03 am

Australian Election -

Verified
HILLSONG CALLING: In some breaking news from the world of politics, Scott Morrison has confirmed that it is officially not his job to be Prime Minister anymore.

After nearly four years of neglecting his job as Prime Minister and swerving any form of accountability for letting the people he is supposed to work for down, Scotty from Marketing no longer has to pretend like it is his job to lead us.

This comes after the nation voted emphatically in favour of turfing out a government that has taken the privilege of leading for granted.

It’s still unknown whether the Labor party will be able to form a majority government, but both major parties have taken a significant hit to their primary votes, with the Liberal Party losing a swathe of seats.

The Greens look like picking up 3 seats with the Teals winning at least 5 seats, including that of former Treasurer Josh Frydenberg in Kooyong.

Regardless of how the next Labor government is formed, it has now been confirmed that Scott Morrison no longer needs to defend his inaction on natural disasters, climate change, the economy and public health in the form of pandemic protection and recovery.

A couple of years after he revealed the theme for his Prime Ministership was that he didn’t ‘hold a hose mate,’ it is now officially no longer his job to lead the country.

It is not known who will replace him as ‘leader’ of the Liberal Party, but with Frydenberg out of the picture, it looks like it’s finally Peter Dutton’s time.

More to come.
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Not his job.jpg

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8518 Post by EA01 » Sun May 22, 2022 6:16 am

BACK INTO PUBLIC HOUSING:

The nation has this week elected their first ethnic Prime Minister in the shape of Anthony Albanese MP, an Italian-Australian from the Sydney flight path suburb of Marrickville.

Albanese claimed victory on Saturday, with the remaining vote count indicating he just may achieve the 76 seats required to form a majority government.

Ironically, this now means that the former houso kid will be returning to public housing.

In his new role as the leader of the country, Albanese must now relocate his Sydney address to the Prime Minster’s secondary official residence of Kirribilli house.

Located in the affluent lower north shore of Sydney harbour, Kirribilli an area not often associated with with Southern European influences more commonly seen in Australia’s working class suburbs.

However, with the keys to the kingdom now in his hands, The Prime Minister-elect has moved quickly to put a bit of a gremolata garnish on the old colonial homestead.

Former Prime Minister Scott Morrison’s framed Sharkies jersey have all been thrown into the skip bin, replaced instead by polaroid photos of Mr Albanese meeting c-list American celebrities and Home & Away stars.

The front garden of Kirribilli House has also been dug up, and covered in a conventional on-ground jointless concrete slab.

The jacaranda tree has been relocated into a pebblecrete tub pot, joining a new fig tree that Albo paid cash for from some Greek bloke in the car park of the Inner West Hawks Football club.

The finishing touches, two marble lions that imported directly from the old country, will now greet foreign diplomats at the front gate of the harbourside mansion.

It is not known where Albanese’s Valiant Charger will be parked, however a recent DA submitted to the North Sydney council shows plans for the installation of a steel Titan shed on the rolling lawns overlooking the Opera House.

(Tip; Italian immigrants to Australia were known for concreting everything & adding statues)
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Albos new home....jpg

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8519 Post by ricardian » Sun May 22, 2022 9:06 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8520 Post by ricardian » Mon May 23, 2022 2:14 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

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