Friday Jokes

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Fox3WheresMyBanana
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8761 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Sun Jul 24, 2022 6:52 pm

Worst intercontinental jet - The Tornado.
It's slow, low, and you really need to go.
Teasingly, the ammo bay conveniently accommodates 2 RAF kitbags.
However, when there's a war on, some bright spark puts ammo in it.
4-7 hour stages require AAR. Which may or may not turn up. And if it doesn't, the div may or may not let you in, after which it may or may not refuel you.
The air conditioning will, just, cope with a Mediterranean summer, but not with the additional sweat of the nav doing his continual fuel recalcs.
"I think we can just make Orange, but you know what the French are like on a Sunday"
"Terminally absent?"
"Exactly"

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8762 Post by Undried Plum » Sun Jul 24, 2022 10:29 pm

You can almost always always rely on the ffrench.

Almost, anyway.

Bastards!

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8763 Post by Pinky the pilot » Mon Jul 25, 2022 7:18 am

Best intercontinental jet, the Vulcan,
Suspect that Alison would agree with that.
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8764 Post by Ex-Ascot » Mon Jul 25, 2022 7:41 am

Drive across the Pond as the fastest sub sonic jet crossing. Land IAD at lunchtime on a Friday. Stay in 5 star hotel. Party all weekend on your allowances. Drive back leaving Monday afternoon. Get back just in time to start work in the office on Tuesday. :-q

Did one of those and as soon as I got into the office I had a phone call from Barnwood. I was not in the mood for jokes. I told him that I had just got in from a night flight. He said you better sit down then. You are to be promoted but have to move to 101 Sqn and extend in the Air Force for six months. =)) I am allergic to grow bags and like my aircraft polished. Thank you, but no I said.

Well it is a jokes thread.
'Yes, Madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.' Sir Winston Churchill.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8765 Post by Pontius Navigator » Mon Jul 25, 2022 7:42 pm

Did they become one oh one, the one with the hose in the middle?


it used to be one oh one, the one with the hole in the middle

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8766 Post by Ex-Ascot » Tue Jul 26, 2022 8:29 am

No idea PN. Never got anywhere near the things. They were based the other side of the airfield away from civilisation.
'Yes, Madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.' Sir Winston Churchill.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8767 Post by Opsboi » Tue Jul 26, 2022 6:42 pm

The urge to sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight is just a whim away

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8768 Post by Opsboi » Tue Jul 26, 2022 6:44 pm

My granddad always used to say, "As one door closes, another one opens"

Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker...

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8769 Post by Hydromet » Tue Jul 26, 2022 11:02 pm

In truth, as one door shuts another one closes.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8770 Post by Opsboi » Wed Jul 27, 2022 12:01 am

Hydromet wrote:
Tue Jul 26, 2022 11:02 pm
In truth, as one door shuts another one closes.
Are you in Leeds?

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8771 Post by Hydromet » Wed Jul 27, 2022 2:24 am

Opsboi wrote:
Wed Jul 27, 2022 12:01 am
Hydromet wrote:
Tue Jul 26, 2022 11:02 pm
In truth, as one door shuts another one closes.
Are you in Leeds?
No, I tried to go there but they wouldn't let me in.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8772 Post by Pontius Navigator » Wed Jul 27, 2022 7:03 am

Hydromet wrote:
Tue Jul 26, 2022 11:02 pm
In truth, as one door shuts another one closes.
Try Bardney.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8773 Post by ribrash » Wed Jul 27, 2022 7:07 am

"As one door closes, another one opens"

Crap Ikea furniture.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8774 Post by Ex-Ascot » Wed Jul 27, 2022 8:13 am

It's a worry.
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'Yes, Madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.' Sir Winston Churchill.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8775 Post by ricardian » Wed Jul 27, 2022 3:21 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8776 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Wed Jul 27, 2022 4:31 pm

It's a worry.
Nope, it's a lot of bad habits. We'll 'ave nun of that here!

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8777 Post by ricardian » Wed Jul 27, 2022 6:49 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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visitstronsay.com
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8778 Post by PHXPhlyer » Wed Jul 27, 2022 11:55 pm

Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin, and Boris Johnson walk into a bar...

PP

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8779 Post by ricardian » Thu Jul 28, 2022 10:40 am

Stolen from another forum:
A confession: once while in Boston, I convinced some friends that SO MUCH tea had been dumped into the harbor during the infamous Tea Party that in certain places, at certain times of the year, you could scoop up water in a cup and it would taste like tea.
They thought it was a joke, until I mentioned it to the waitress at the restaurant, and she not only confirmed it, but offered a cup so we could go try it.
At the harbor, I knelt on a pier, scooped up some water, and handed it to my friend. The look on his face as he tasted the chamomile tea was priceless. The others passed it around and reacted with similar amazement. Then one joked that he preferred Earl Grey. I said that was at a different pier.
At the other pier, I was about to scoop up some water in the cup, when a grouchy local stopped me and asked what we were doing. I told him and he scowled and disappeared inside his boat. He re-emerged a moment later with a little cup of creamer. “The Earl Grey hasn’t aged well,” he explained, “so you really have to have creamer to get it down.”
I scooped up some water in the cup, and we added the creamer to a really decent tasting Earl Grey tea. We thanked the guy then went back to our hotel where, for the rest of the weekend, I listened to my friends tell everyone there about how amazing it was to drink 200+ year old tea right out of the harbor.
It was, in every way, Real Magic - and all it cost me was two syringes full of tea (one chamomile, one Earl Grey); a travel sewing kit (to stitch the syringes inside the right sleeve of my jacket); a big tip to a waitress (the night before); and paying for a local fisherman’s coffee and pie (also the night before.)
Sometimes, all it takes to make magic is a little more preparation than most people would expect, and a good story to wrap it in.
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8780 Post by ricardian » Thu Jul 28, 2022 10:45 am

Opsboi wrote:
Tue Jul 26, 2022 6:44 pm
My granddad always used to say, "As one door closes, another one opens"
Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker...
If one door closes and another one opens then you're probably in prison.
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visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

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