Friday Jokes

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Undried Plum
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Re: Friday Jokes

#7781 Post by Undried Plum » Thu Oct 14, 2021 12:59 pm

There are some lovely pisstakes in the comments to this this bragging tweet by Bedfordshire Police. Press Show More Replies repeatedly to read them all.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7782 Post by EA01 » Thu Oct 14, 2021 1:11 pm

So, I bumped into my mate, 'One-armed Dave', yesterday. "Where are you off to?" I asked him.
"I'm going to change a light bulb." replied Dave.
"That's not going to be easy." I chuckled.
"I don't see why not." he said, "I've still got the receipt."

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7783 Post by EA01 » Thu Oct 14, 2021 1:11 pm

I went to see a old friend who works in a cotton mill. He wasn't there. He had gone for cotton.
Went back a week later, same thing. Gone for cotton.
A week later told he had died.
So went to the cemetery. On his head stone it said.
Gone but not for cotton.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7784 Post by EA01 » Thu Oct 14, 2021 1:14 pm

I've a distant cousin with one leg called Kevin....I don't know what his other leg is called...

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7785 Post by EA01 » Thu Oct 14, 2021 1:14 pm

I went to the park today and played frisbee with my dog. It wasn't much fun.
I think I need a flatter dog.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7786 Post by EA01 » Thu Oct 14, 2021 1:16 pm

I went to an outdoor restaurant yesterday and it started raining.
Took me two hours to finish my soup.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7787 Post by EA01 » Thu Oct 14, 2021 1:17 pm

My neighbour was complaining that he can’t pay his water bill. I sent him a get well card.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7788 Post by EA01 » Thu Oct 14, 2021 1:19 pm

A contestant made a meringue on Masterchef, and when the crowd started clapping and cheering, the host said "That's unusual from an Australian audience - they normally boo meringues."

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7789 Post by Pontius Navigator » Thu Oct 14, 2021 1:26 pm

EA, that is awful.

Lol

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7790 Post by EA01 » Thu Oct 14, 2021 1:53 pm

Yeah...I know...but could not help myself...

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7791 Post by ricardian » Thu Oct 14, 2021 2:31 pm

When a child says "Daddy, I want Mummy." it's the junior version of "I wish to speak to your supervisor."
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Re: Friday Jokes

#7792 Post by bob2s » Thu Oct 14, 2021 9:39 pm

EA seems you have too much time on your hands at the country clinic. =))

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7793 Post by PHXPhlyer » Thu Oct 14, 2021 10:06 pm

EA01 wrote:
Thu Oct 14, 2021 1:53 pm
Yeah...I know...but could not help myself...
Don't worry.
That's what this thread is for.
No judging, just groaning.

PP

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7794 Post by EA01 » Fri Oct 15, 2021 8:15 am

EA seems you have too much time on your hands at the country clinic. =))
Was a funny sort of day really....awoke (note NOT 'woke') in a thunderstorm....much rolling thunder....opened the 'country clinic', powered up the site....checked the weather radar, disconnected power to the site, took refuge in car as massive Thunderstorms barreled through. Took a phone call to go to a clinic by a river 20+km South, as they are sooo busy. Get there they had 10 patients all morning, and were unaware of my arrival. Call HQ, they send me 40km North, ok, that's almost 1/2 day done having still done essentially nothing. Claim the mileage, kick back attending to about 8 people, pack up and go home.

Arrive home to an email with a roster showing me at the 'Country Clinic' for the next 2 weeks! :) ....how good is this gig?

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7795 Post by OFSO » Fri Oct 15, 2021 2:51 pm

Translated from the German: my doctor said to me this afternooon that "priapism isn't all its cracked up to be."

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7796 Post by 1DC » Fri Oct 15, 2021 3:51 pm

Loved the cotton story Fliegs :YMAPPLAUSE:

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7797 Post by FD2 » Sat Oct 16, 2021 10:07 am

PHOTO-2021-10-16-22-13-11.jpg

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7798 Post by Hydromet » Sat Oct 16, 2021 10:22 am

OFSO wrote:
Fri Oct 15, 2021 2:51 pm
Translated from the German: my doctor said to me this afternooon that "priapism isn't all its cracked up to be."
That's a bit stiff.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7799 Post by ricardian » Sat Oct 16, 2021 4:36 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7800 Post by ricardian » Sun Oct 17, 2021 7:31 pm

Just when you thought that merchandise couldn't get any tackier someone says "Hold my beer and watch this!
Not sure what the USA flag has to do with it. And since when has the name Jesus been trade-marked?
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