Friday Jokes

[Airborne Aircrew]

A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her. After following along for a while, turns to her and asks,
"Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?"
"NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking.
The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks,
"Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back."
"NO!" says the little girl again as she hurries down the street.
The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says,
"Okay kid, my last offer! I'll give you 20 Bucks "and" a Big Bag of Candy if you will just hop on the back of my bike and we will go for a ride."
Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and Screams Out...
"Look Dad" "You're the one who bought the Honda instead of the Harley ...YOU RIDE IT!!"

[probes]

A Friday amendment for the ones:

2nd Amendment by Murphy:
If you realize that there are three possible ways in which something can go wrong, and cover them all, then a fourth, unprepared for way, will miraculously appear out of thin air.

[OFSO]

f you realize that there are three possible ways in which something can go wrong, and cover them all, then a fourth, unprepared for way, will miraculously appear out of thin air.


I used to write spacecraft/launch vehicle contingency procedures, maybe 40 or 50 in a manual. None of them ever happened - but something we weren't prepared for often did !

In the front of the manual, I wrote DON'T PANIC ! in font size 32, using friendly letters.

[Alisoncc]

Someone's discovered some of the new features.

[4mastacker]

I posted this one on the "other site" so I will share it here as well.

Fred talks into the pub and orders a pint.

"Hi Fred." says the barman "By yourself tonight? Where's the wife?"

"Oh, she's gone into hospital for a procedure" replied Fred.

"What kind of procedure?" asks the barman.

"Post-mortem." sez Fred.

[Stoneboat]

[Airborne Aircrew]

Darn it Stoneboat... The first time I saw that I fell off my dinosaur laughing... ;-)

[henry crun]

Alan Sillitoe used it in one of his books.

[Stoneboat]

Darn it Stoneboat... The first time I saw that I fell off my dinosaur laughing... ;-)

First time it's been on here.

[Opsboi]

First time it's been on here.

Yes, well, the interweb is a very recent phenomenon

[500N]

One of my favorites

[Stoneboat]

Has anyone ever partied this hearty?

[Airborne Aircrew]

Errr, don't show that to my wife please... She thought I was on business in Charleston, SC...

[Stoneboat]

What's it worth if I stay shtum?

[Happy SLF]

http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h151/SholingLad/th_GoodPoint_zps9ca131ae.jpg

[500N]

I thought this was good.

[david1300]

[Ex-Ascot]

How long before a joke is repeated? I'll give it 5 pages. No, this was not an invitation.

[CharlieOneSix]

Someone sent me this - probably a variation on an old theme....

Nicola Sturgeon, Scotland's First Minister is touring Perthshire in the First Minister’s chauffeur driven car. Suddenly a cow jumps out into the road. They hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.

Nicola in her usual jaunty manner, says to the chauffeur : "You get out and check - you were driving." The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead. "You were driving, go and tell the farmer," says Nicola, "I can’t afford to be blamed for anything."

The chauffeur walks up the drive to the farmhouse and returns three hours later totally plastered, his hair ruffled and with a big grin on his face. "My God, what happened to you ?" asks Nicola.

The chauffeur replies: "When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap - up meal and the daughter made love to me."

"What on earth did you say?" asks Nicola.

"I knocked on the door and when it was answered, I said to them, I'm Nicola Sturgeon’s chauffeur and I've just killed the cow."

[Alisoncc]