Friday Jokes

[Slasher]

f1bad6e8-e986-46ed-a1ba-2bb43167bf37.jpg (47.39 KiB) Viewed 817 times

[llondel]

He must be heavy if it's sunk that far in the ground when he climbed it.

[Slasher]

Bloke gets stuck while shagging somebody else's missus.





Wonder if superglue was somehow involved...


Anyone here speak Polish?

[Boac]

The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.


This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a critical morass. When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that absorbs just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many morons.

Parliamentium (Pl) is in course of discovery. It is similar to Gv but likely to be far more potent. It starts with an initial atomic mass of 312 but with the addition of an equal number of opposing assistant neutrons, deputy neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons but no opposing neutron it is thought to have an atomic mass of 623. It is thought the best use of this material is to attach it to any idea with merit so that the reaction can be delayed and enjoyed in perpetuity.

[G-CPTN]

Bloke gets stuck while shagging somebody else's missus.

Should've thrown a bucket of cold water over them.

[Boac]

Not really 'Poles apart'?

[Rossian]

Having seen an example of this while a student, it's possible that with her legs wide apart (as can be seen) that his (seemingly substantial) weight has collapsed her pubic symphisis (cartilage-y bit in the front of her pubic area) trapping him and causing her a LOT of pain. Not easy to sort out.
Bucket of cold water no worky.

The Ancient Mariner

[Pontius Navigator]

10/10 for medical team keeping straight face.

I guess that was the husband ejected from treatment room.

[G-CPTN]

Doesn't a 'gentleman' take the weight on his elbows?

[ricardian]

[FD2]

It looks like a case of vaginismus - Google it. Why the hell it's on YouTube I don't know unless it's simply for a bit of public humiliation.

There was a case in Bath about 1963 which had the same result and gave us spotty youths lots of macho sniggering - that's is why it has stuck in my mind. Not that we had much of a clue about what was entailed. It was quietly sorted in hospital back then. Just think of it as a case of female cramp at a critical moment.

[Boac]

"There was a case in Bath about 1963" - yes, warm water can do that.

[ricardian]

A man calls the front desk of the hotel at which he’s staying and says, “I’m in room 858. You need to send someone to my room immediately. I’m having an argument with my wife and she says she’s going to jump out the window.”
The front clerk says, “I’m sorry sir, but that sounds like a personal issue.”
The guy says, “No, no! It’s a maintenance issue. The window won’t open.”

[Slasher]

[Woody]

Photoshopped, surely

[Slasher]

C'mon mate...have you ever known me at any time to post pics of fake tits?

[ricardian]

Latest news from Buck House

[ricardian]

[ricardian]

[Pontius Navigator]

What is the difference between a joke and a really sick joke?

It is one I wouldn't show Mrs PN.

Slasher on the SJT has exemplified this difference.
Warning, do not drink or eat as you see the SJT