Friday Jokes

[ricardian]

Education can be dangerous

[ricardian]

Wilfred call the SSPCA and reported that he had just found a suitcase in the woods and in it was a fox and 4 cubs.
"That's awful", said the SSPCA officer, "Were they moving?"
Wilfred said "I'm not at all sure but that would certainly explain the suitcase."

[ricardian]

Don Martin (Mad Magazine) at his best

[ricardian]

Homaridae-based

[ricardian]

Role-play in the bedroom

[FD2]

Not so funny now I'm afraid:

PHOTO-2022-08-30-09-24-06.jpg (121.15 KiB) Viewed 670 times

[FD2]

Also strangely topical:

[ricardian]

Be careful what you wish for!

[llondel]

“Swearing at a dog show."
Dear Exhibitors,
It has been brought to the committee's attention that some individuals have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their competitors.
Due to complaints received from some exhibitors who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realise the critical importance of everyone being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with these snowflakes.
Therefore, a list of 12 new and innovative, "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided, so that proper exchange of ideas, instructions and information can continue in an effective manner.
1. Try Saying: I think you could do with more training
Instead Of: You don't have a fuc*ing clue, do you?
2.Try Saying:
She's an aggressive go-getter.
Instead Of:
You are a fuc*ing power-crazy bi@ch.
3.Try Saying: Perhaps we can discuss this later.
Instead Of: and what the fuc* do you expect me to do about this?
4.Try Saying: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
Instead Of:
Fuc* off arse-wipe
5.Try Saying: Really?
Instead Of: Well fuc* me backwards with a telegraph pole.
6.Try Saying: Perhaps you should check with...
Instead Of: Tell someone who gives a fuc*.
7.Try Saying: I wasn't involved in the decision.
Instead Of: Not my fuc*ing problem, mate.
8.Try Saying: That's interesting.
Instead Of:
What the fuc*?
9. Try Saying: I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.
Instead Of: No fuc*ing chance mate.
10. Try Saying: It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in.
Instead Of: Why the fuc* didn't you tell me that yesterday?
11. Try Saying: He's not familiar with the issues
Instead Of: He's got his head up his fuc*ing arse.
12.Try Saying: Excuse me?
Instead Of: Oi, fuc*face move out of the way!.

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Typical cat-lover advice!

[Hydromet]

Typical cat-lover advice!

Just the sort of advice that a cat would ignore.

[ricardian]

Some people have no sense of humour

[llondel]

Police have confirmed that the man who died after falling from the roof of a nightclub was not a bouncer.

[ricardian]

A ward in a mental hospital :
Doctor: - "What is this?"
Mad man: - "This is a book I wrote. It has a total of 500 pages."
Doctor:- "You wrote 500 pages! Wow, what did you write?"
Mad man:- "On the first page i wrote 'One king rode on a horse and went towards the jungle'. And on the last page I wrote 'The king reached the jungle'."
Doctor:- "So what did you write in the remaining 498 pages?"
Mad man:- "I wrote;
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik.... tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik ti tigdik tigdik...
Tigdiki tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik ti tigdik
tigdik."
Doctor :- "And what's that?"
Mad Man:- "That's the sound of the horse galloping, its hooves digging into the terrain."
Doctor:- "And just who do you think will read your story?"
Mad Man:- "I will put it on Ops-Normal, plenty of nutters on there who will definitely read it. In fact one of them is reading it right now."

[ricardian]

Mills & Boon with a difference

[ricardian]

A true optimist

[Hydromet]

[FD2]

PHOTO-2022-09-02-19-56-59.jpg (34.19 KiB) Viewed 262 times

[Ex-Ascot]

That one will have to be explained to us. Guess it is one of his songs.

[G-CPTN]