Friday Jokes

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PHXPhlyer
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Re: Friday Jokes

#8121 Post by PHXPhlyer » Tue Jan 11, 2022 11:15 pm

ricardian wrote:
Tue Jan 11, 2022 11:10 pm
One of my favourite scientific discoveries in recent years is that among domesticated animals, dogs recognise the difference between themselves and people, but cats just think that the people who live with them are appallingly incompetent cats
Wrong! [-X
Cats just think that the people who live with them are only there to cater their needs. :(( :))

PP

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8122 Post by Hydromet » Wed Jan 12, 2022 5:03 am

271820274_4676987605672441_5943996532783888_n.jpg
271820274_4676987605672441_5943996532783888_n.jpg (35.38 KiB) Viewed 650 times

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8123 Post by Pontius Navigator » Wed Jan 12, 2022 9:33 am

PHXPhlyer wrote:
Tue Jan 11, 2022 11:15 pm
ricardian wrote:
Tue Jan 11, 2022 11:10 pm
One of my favourite scientific discoveries in recent years is that among domesticated animals, dogs recognise the difference between themselves and people, but cats just think that the people who live with them are appallingly incompetent cats
Wrong! [-X
Cats just think that the people who live with them are only there to cater their needs. :(( :))

PP
Our next door neighbours are vets and feed their cat exactly the right amount of food though that is subject to argument.

When ever our garage door is open Wilma is there, possibly mousing, definitely food hunting as our sack of dog food is there. She is quite happy eating dog food 'turkey and vegetables lite'. Despite our dog she would come in our house if she could.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8124 Post by OFSO » Wed Jan 12, 2022 1:04 pm

I have just collected a load of logs. Woodman has new guard dog, described by my wife from a photo (of the dog) as a "devil dog". I told it it was beautiful and pulled it's ears. Eyes shut, low moans of pleasure from dog. Had that been a cat, I would have been lucky not to be bitten, scratched or told to f*ck off taking my unwanted blandishments with me, ya heathen git.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8125 Post by Boac » Wed Jan 12, 2022 1:29 pm

This pooped through my door with another Cwt of rubbish leaflets, but I thought it should be shared with you all.
crap.jpg
If anyone does test the product, no photos please.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8126 Post by Hydromet » Wed Jan 12, 2022 3:46 pm

Please, no updates.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8127 Post by Mole » Wed Jan 12, 2022 4:49 pm

IMG-20220112-WA0002.jpg

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8128 Post by llondel » Wed Jan 12, 2022 5:25 pm

Boac wrote:
Wed Jan 12, 2022 1:29 pm
This pooped through my door with another Cwt of rubbish leaflets, but I thought it should be shared with you all.

crap.jpg

If anyone does test the product, no photos please.
We use their stuff, it's pretty good. Recyclable packaging too.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8129 Post by ricardian » Thu Jan 13, 2022 8:31 pm

My friend’s 10 year-old daughter was going over to a friend’s house in the same street but quite a few houses away.
Mother: “Ok, what do we do if someone tries to grab you?”
Daughter: “Kick him in the balls and yell ‘FIRE’!”
Mother: “Ha, right, but that’s not a good word, it’s ‘testicles’.”
Daughter: “Ok, kick him in the balls and yell ‘TESTICLES’!”
Mother: “You know...that might work too.”
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8130 Post by OFSO » Thu Jan 13, 2022 8:36 pm

We used to have toilet paper made in E Germany. Was also good for shining up metalwork.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8131 Post by Pinky the pilot » Fri Jan 14, 2022 9:53 am

A local Indian bloke recently bought some 'no name' brand toilet paper and later stated that it should be called the John Wayne toilet paper. :-\

When asked why he said "Because it is rough, tough and don't take no s**t from no Indian!' :ymdevil:
You only live twice. Once when you're born. Once when you've looked death in the face.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8132 Post by Pontius Navigator » Fri Jan 14, 2022 10:59 am

Ah, Bronco.

And each sheet stamped Government Property

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8133 Post by ricardian » Fri Jan 14, 2022 12:29 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8134 Post by OFSO » Fri Jan 14, 2022 4:57 pm

Used to have arrows on ours....

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8135 Post by Boac » Fri Jan 14, 2022 5:30 pm

Ah - that will be PtP's paper
Because it is rough, tough and don't take no s**t from no Indian!

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8136 Post by llondel » Fri Jan 14, 2022 6:50 pm

Some men have a penis like a camel.


Two humps and it spits.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8137 Post by llondel » Fri Jan 14, 2022 11:38 pm

How things change over time.
guide.jpg

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8138 Post by llondel » Fri Jan 14, 2022 11:44 pm

I'm organising a fundraising event for those who are unable to orgasm.

If you can't come, let me know.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8139 Post by PHXPhlyer » Sat Jan 15, 2022 2:40 am

I will come but I might be early. :-o :(( :ymdevil:

PP

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Re: Friday Jokes

#8140 Post by OFSO » Sat Jan 15, 2022 6:43 am

"Harry Potter and the Premature Ejaculation" - coming soon in a cinema near you.

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