Friday Jokes

[G-CPTN]

All of those 'quotes' were genuine Max Miller that I remember from the late 1940s/early 1950s.

[PHXPhlyer]

If we really wanted to send billionaires where they've never been before then perhaps we could send them to the tax office?

+1

PP

[Hydromet]

.........the old comedian, Max Miller.......

Wasn't it Max Miller who was banned from the BBC for saying that he was walking along a tightrope when he met a girl coming the other way, and he didn't know whether to block her passage or toss himself off ? or was it his ditty " When apples are red they're ready for plucking, and when girls reach 16 they're ready for ............ " ?

I hadn't heard that, but it sounds like him, although the second one has also been attributed to the Australian (actually NZ) comedian Jack Davy.

[EA01]

Wouldn't you go to jail for that?...... :/

[EA01]

Actually, I just googled age of consent in Sweden....15!!!! WTF? ... So then, if I were to travel to Sweden....and were to engage in...'stuff', and then return to Australia (Age of consent 18), have I committed a crime.

Hypothetical of course....I'm sitting in front of 'puter staring into the street!

[Wodrick]

[Pinky the pilot]

Wodrick; Many years ago I had a Girlfriend who was built very much like the example shown in your post above.

Ahhh mammaries..err..memories!

[FD2]

Sheila and her husband Bruce went for counselling after 37 years of marriage.
When asked what the problem was, Sheila went into a passionate, painful tirade, listing every problem they had ever had in the 37 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking Sheila to stand and unbutton her blouse, he embraced her, put his hands on her breasts, nuzzled her nipples till they stood erect and kissed her passionately as her husband Bruce watched with a raised eyebrow. Her face was deeply flushed and she panted softly. Sheila shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down in a daze.

The therapist turned to Bruce and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?'

Bruce thought for a moment and replied; "Well, I can drop her off here Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf.' Can you pick her up?"



*************************


Bruce and his mate are riding the fence line. They come across a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. Bruce jumps off his horse, drops his jeans, and has his way with the sheep.

When he gets finished, he looks at his mate and asks, “You wanna have a go?”

His mate says, “Hell yeah!” and jumps off his horse and jams his head in the fence.

[Pontius Navigator]

All of those 'quotes' were genuine Max Miller that I remember from the late 1940s/early 1950s.

It was one of Robin Hood's band meeting Maid Marion on a bridge when I was at school in late 50s.

[Ex-Ascot]

https://www.nydailynews.com/sports/more ... story.html

[Pontius Navigator]

ExA, not available here.

[G-CPTN]

Nor here.

[Boac]

BBC sportscaster’s ‘third leg’ unintentional double entendre convulses two young Olympic swimmers, and the internet
By Theresa Braine New York Daily News Jul 29, 2021 at 4:25 PM

It’s hard to know what was funnier, BBC sportscaster Clare Balding’s unintentional double entendre, or the barely contained laughter it evoked in its subjects.

“To hear you’re 18 years old, it’s your first Olympics,” the veteran interviewer effused to Tom Dean and Matthew Richards just after the British swimmers helped earn their team a gold medal in the 4x200m men’s freestyle on Wednesday. “And you swam, honestly, your third leg was just phenomenal.”

She was referring to the fact that Richards had swum third in the four-leg relay for the British team, as Huffington Post explained.

But the unintended double entendre had the two swimming teammates struggling to keep it together. Chuckling could be heard on the BBC News end, and the guys smirked onscreen in an almost-vain attempt to avoid bursting into guffaws.

The internet, especially Twitter, also convulsed with laughter and was rife with comments ranging from admiration for Richards’ composure after the gaffe, to chagrin for Balding.

“He’s 18 and held it together here without laughing hysterically,” one person commented, according to Australia’s News.au. “That’s an achievement on its own.”

Laughter aside, the victory made Dean the first British male swimmer to win two golds at the same Olympic Games since 1908, BBC News noted.

But some internet sages thought another gold should have been awarded – to the two swimmers for keeping their composure.

[Woody]

[Ex-Ascot]

Thank you Boac, It is usually here that we are not allowed to view clips.

[llondel]

[tango15]

.........the old comedian, Max Miller.......

Wasn't it Max Miller who was banned from the BBC for saying that he was walking along a tightrope when he met a girl coming the other way, and he didn't know whether to block her passage or toss himself off ? or was it his ditty " When apples are red they're ready for plucking, and when girls reach 16 they're ready for ............ " ?

I hadn't heard that, but it sounds like him, although the second one has also been attributed to the Australian (actually NZ) comedian Jack Davy.

I think quote No.1 was the work of Max Wall, which earned him a permanent ban from the BBC.

[FD2]

Boris the lion helps with supper.

[Pontius Navigator]

Oh you are awful

[OFSO]

But I like you....