Friday Jokes

[Undried Plum]

[ricardian]

An observation from a reader of Viz

[ricardian]

Narrow-minded folk!

[ricardian]

[ricardian]

[Capetonian]

I joined a London club. One evening I had the misfortune to meet my old and detested Housemaster. He came over to me for a chat and asked me if I was a new member, I said I was and as I lived near London I had joined as a Town Member.
He told me he lived in Norfolk and was a Country Member.
I said : "Yes, I remember that very clearly."

[ricardian]

A School Teacher asked "So Little Johnny, Do you know your Numbers, 1 to 10?”
"Yes, of course Miss. My Grandad taught me. He even taught me more than 10."
"Good. So what comes after Three?”
"Four, Miss", answers the Boy.
"What comes after Six?"
"Seven?"
"Very good," says the Teacher. "Your Grandad did a really good job. What comes after Ten?"
"Jack, Queen, King, Miss."

[ricardian]

Misunderstood instructions

[ricardian]

He couldn't help it!

[Pontius Navigator]

It's getting to one of us, another one straight over my head

[barkingmad]

It's getting to one of us, another one straight over my head

Straight over mine too, on a great circle track, until I recall the song included the words “...monster mash...”.

Attached for quick reference;



The noises during the first 40 secs of the vid are from my kitchen as I listen to MSM news quietly burbling on ‘t wireless...

[Pontius Navigator]

Ty, I have to say, I stopped listening to popular music after listen with mother. There are some songs that you can't avoid. There is one visually imprinted on my brain.

Like Kennedy's death, I was in the NCOs Club at Offutt in 1966, it was the first video juke box I had seen. I had to watch it several times until I learnt the name of the song - The Race is On. Words and music wise that was as far as I got.

[ricardian]

Pinched this from another military page - made I larf !!

If WWII happened today...
Can I have more clarity on the “Your country needs you” slogan, it’s too ambiguous
Why aren’t you doing enough to prevent these air raids?
Does the siren apply to everyone?
There are only male and female toilets in the air raid shelter and I don’t identify as either.
This respirator haversack has a leather strap and I’m a vegan.
Why cant I have almond milk on my ration card
I find the term “black out” offensive.
I find the lack of colour options within military uniforms oppressive.
Why didn’t we have stock piles of spitfires at the start of this conflict?

[ricardian]

Unintended consequences

[ricardian]

Taking things too literally

[ricardian]

Scary thought!

[ricardian]

I received an email out of the blue the other day. It was from a woman at the other end of the village who said, "I have noticed you walking around our village and I would really like to engage in some hot, steamy physical activity."
So I sent her my ironing.

[ricardian]

Simple mistake

[ricardian]

[ricardian]

Thoughtless