Friday Jokes

[ricardian]

Old but good

[FD2]

[bob2s]

A very self-important Yuppie was attending a recent football game. He took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.
"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one," the flea said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. "The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing, and....," pausing to take another drink of beer.
The Senior took advantage of the break in the flea's litany and said, "You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young .... so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little ****head, what are you doing for the next generation?"
The applause was deafening.

[PHXPhlyer]

That would be better if it wasn't a joke.

PP

[Hydromet]

It would be a better joke if it wasn't true.

[Alisoncc]

Couldn't help but post this here.

[EA01]

Yeah Alison was a funny one!

[ricardian]

From the Washing Post'd Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition

[Boac]

Excellent! Several bookmarked for future use.

[llondel]

Topical one.

Q: What's the difference between paraffin and petrol?

A: There's two effs in paraffin and no eff in petrol.

[John Hill]

Couldn't help but post this here.

Yeabut, not made in Oz.

[Rwy in Sight]

A very self-important Yuppie was attending a recent football game. He took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.

As someone have said, the baby boomers created most of the high tech word we live in. And maybe the senior citizen can point out he had the chance / he flew as pax supersonic something that very few under 40 would have done.

And a favourite joke I hope hasn't been posted before:
A young woman discovered her husband was having an affair. She hired a detective who found out he always helped his bit on the side do the shopping every Wednesday. So she hired a hitman to do away with them both. "My code name is Arty" he said when they met. "I want you to kill them both, however you want, and they always do their shopping on Wednesdays in Tesco's she told him. Arty said he hated infidelity and would do the deed for only £1.

Next Wednesday he did the dirty dead, strangling them both to death in Tesco's carpark.

The Headline in the newspaper next day was

"Arty chokes two for a pound at Tesco's"

[ricardian]

Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe. Remove it and all you're left with is gravy.

[Karearea]

A guy walks into a dentist’s office and says, “I think I’m a moth.”

The dentist replies, “You shouldn’t be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist…”

The guy replies, “I am seeing a psychiatrist.”

The dentist says, “Well then what are you doing here?”

And the guy says, “Your light was on.”

[EA01]

Inversion Immersion Yoga.....head in the sand????

[ricardian]

Titanic!

[Hydromet]

Ricardian, that one reminds me of a charter flight I was on from Bougainville to Honiara back in the '70s. The DC3 was chartered by the Hash House Harriers, a group of alcoholics with a running problem, of which I was a member. Seating was sidesaddle, and part way through through the flight, a ball was produced and almost immediately, someone suggested a game of football.
Fortunately, I was able to convince them that 30 blokes chasing a ball up and down the length of an aircraft might have unpleasant consequences.

[Ex-Ascot]

On 32 Sqn we had a rather large cabin supervisor. You could tell where she was with the trolley by the trim indicator.

[Ex-Ascot]

Burying a Goldfish.

[ricardian]

Welsh collie?