Friday Jokes

[ricardian]

For perusal by the Grammar Police

[Rossian]

....that was the ideal squadron building in that that the routes to any of the offices passed through the crew room. So it got a lot of traffic, the uckers board was there, end of week barrels were there with the result that it was a very sociable squadron. Occasionaly, when Paddy Gallagher was the nav leader there used to be huge, very vocal, tactical arguments (seminars/tutorials?). Disagree? Step up, here's the marker pen demonstrate your case. No prisoners taken. Magic.
On the grass outside old pianos were destroyed, a car was crushed by the Regiment Spartan? and burned, all the while accompanied by lots of beer. We did have fun. Sigh.

The other two squadron's offices were all in a line along the backs of the their hangars with the crew room at the very end. You could see people come out of their workplaces walk along to get a coffee and trudge all the way back to their desks. Not so sociable.

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

We worked off the "backs of the their hangars with the crew room at the very end"(sic) - last fighter squadron to do so.
Firstly, the Ops room was put right next to the crewroom. Secondly, the crewroom was a poor man's aircrew feeder (due to the distribution of the base's eating facilities), so we had a Tech Sergeant's wife made officially a cook. Also, being a new F3 Squadron, we had an unusually high proportion of experienced aircrew, whom the execs would consult. Lastly, the easy access to the flight line deckchairs (yes, proper BoB stuff) was through the crewroom. We put a doorway in, with a sledgehammer, over one weekend. The upshot of all this was that we had the "huge, very vocal, tactical arguments (seminars/tutorials?)" also.
Best Boss quote "We're doing it this way because it's my bloody train set!".
Boss quote a week later "OK, I was wrong. Ted, what was your idea?".
And we had a Pianos Officer secondary duty "Yes Ma'am, I assure you this will be put to very good use in its new home!"

[Pontius Navigator]

Met Paddy at SHAPE where he was an Ops Officer. Apparently it involved a not a lot. Be blowed if I could remember where I had met him - V Force or Maritime. Got worse, I was visiting Boscombe and staying in the Holiday Inn. In came a church party led by their vicar, Hugh Prior. Again, could I remember him. I think he was a V Force AEO but then might have been Maritime too, like Roger Bagnall who did the same circuit as I did including AEW.

[Ex-Ascot]

The advantage of only ever serving on 3 units.

[Ex-Ascot]

A pun about pasta has been named the funniest joke of the Edinburgh Fringe as the award returned after the pandemic.

Comedian Masai Graham was voted the winner with his gag: 'I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn't get pasta.'

Well if that was the best I would hate to hear the others.

[bob2s]

Ex_Ascot, time to start hating as here they are.


Edinburgh fringe festival's top jokes
1. I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn’t get pasta – Masai Graham
2. Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it’s next day delivery? – Mark Simmons
3. My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock – Olaf Falafel
4. By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do I, but it is the same house and the same family – Hannah Fairweather
5. I hate funerals. I’m not a mourning person – Will Mars
6. I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that’s four hours of my life that I’m definitely getting back – Olaf Falafel
7. I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx – Richard Pulsford
8. I used to live hand to mouth. Do you know what changed my life? Cutlery – Tim Vine
9. Don’t knock threesomes. Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate – Sophie Duker
10. I can’t even be bothered to be apathetic these days – Will Duggan

[Opsboi]

Two men looking at power tools in a shop window
One man says "That's the one I'd get!"
A passing Cyclops punches him in the face

[Wodrick]

This is where I need a passing *PN*

[Opsboi]

This is where I need a passing *PN*

Perdido, lo siento

[Wodrick]

*PN* wouldn't get it either

[Karearea]

"one I'd"... Cyclops...

[FD2]

'Get'? Sounds better pronounced by a Kiwi!

[Opsboi]

'Get'? Sounds better pronounced by a Kiwi!

It does, but in the North of England, Scotland and Northern Ireland, it is used as an alternative to the word “git”
In other parts of the UK, the word “git” is more commonly used
Both words have the same meaning - “get” and “git” are slang words used to refer to a person who is judged to be inferior

Glad I posted it now

[Karearea]

'Get'? Sounds better pronounced by a Kiwi!

'Get' pronounced 'geet'

[FD2]

You must be from a part of the country I haven't visited yet!

[Hydromet]

Just been to the hardware store looking at timber. One of the staff asked if I wanted decking.

Luckily, I got the first punch in.

[ricardian]

I was in an Oxfam store when I spotted an old 78rpm record called "Sounds that wasps make". I was intrigued so I bought it. However, when I got home and played it I thought to myself "This doesn't sound anything like wasps!"
Then I realised that I was playing the bee side

[ricardian]

Don't fight your demons - use them!

[ricardian]

Handy Hint #1972